Explaining differences of race and skin color to a 5 year old.....

Question

My daughter has recently decided that taking a brown marker and coloring her whole body so she can pretend to be black is a grand idea. She hasn't done it, has just been talking about how it would be funny and a good joke. I explained to her that it could hurt some peoples feelings, even if she wasn't trying to hurt their feelings.

It made me start thinking about how to go about explaining differences in race to a child who has no concept of being "prejudiced" against another because of their skin color, without programming, for lack of a better word, prejudices into her thought process.

Is there a way to do that, or is it pretty inevitable?

Answer 1

I think the best way to explain it is to keep it simple.

I'm sure that if she spends time with other kids then she knows that kids make fun of other kids for the way they look all the time.  So and so is fat, so and so's ears stick out, so and so has red hair, etc.

Explain that some people make fun of people based on the color of their skin, or the shape of their eyes, etc.  That it isn't nice and we shouldn't do it ever.  Let her know that a long time ago, people used to make fun of people with dark skin by immitating them and that we shouldn't do that because it's not nice, even if we don't mean to be hurtful that it still can be hurtful.

I hope that makes sense!

That's how my mom explained it to me.  Unfortunately, I was taught the "n" word by a stupid uncle when I was about 5 and I came home asking my mom what a "n" was.  She was shocked and she had to sit me down and explain what racism was to me.

Answer 2

I have to say that made me smile :)

You are obviously teaching her to accept other races and that all skin colors are beautiful.  She didn't know it would not hurt others' feelings or be potentially insulting because you never taught her that other races are inferior.  She just sees that others are different and she must believe it to be beautiful.  You can explain that God (or Mother Nature if you are not a believer) designed each person to be unique and special in their own way and that there are people of all shapes, sizes, skin color and beliefs.  Use your motherly instinct and you'll do just fine explaining it to her.

As long as you don't portray one race as inferior or superior to the other you shouldn't have a problem with seeming prejudiced or racist.

Answer 3

I believe that telling her that this could 'offend' people will give her an instant idea that skin colour means 'different' and is something to avoid referring to etc, although the situation that she presented you with was a tricky one! At that age I really don't think they are even able to form prejudices and any that they do ultimately come from parents so it's best not to go into that territory. I have a 5 yr old son and I find the best way of explaining these things are to firstly talk and learn about the different countries and cultures in the world (obviously keeping it pretty simple), I often get books from the library about different subjects which he enjoys, he knows about Africa and China as countries (I use these two as they are easy examples to teach) and knows that the people from there look different to us because of where they come from. He knows that a person with dark skin is known as black and can distinguish a chinese person but has absolutely no prejudiced thought processes linked to this 'knowledge', he just understands that the world is a big place and people from all over look different. I feel this is the best way to explain it, it's not perfect but easy enough for a 5yr to understand. Good luck ;)

Answer 4

Tell her that God picks out a color for everyone and he will get mad if you try to change.

Answer 5

I used the example of a yellow lab and a black lab.  They are both beautiful dogs that you want to hug.  The only difference is their color.  That makes the unique, and gives them their own identity.  But we do not color the hair of the yellow lab to be black, or the black lab to be yellow. Both are beautiful.  We love them just as they are.

It is interesting that you ask this question.  This weekend we have the AFRAM Festival in our town.  I am white, and I am one of the trustees of the non profit that sponsors this festival. (I am a "Golden Sponsor.)All are accepted for who they are.

Answer 6

I don't know how much detail I would want to go into with a 5 year old for exactly the reason you stated.  I do like the ideas that Kelsey (sans god being mad) and Canadama suggested.  Canadama's is the best and probably what I would do.  

Answer 7

Explain that there are many different kinds of skin in this world. Some have dark skin, some light, some yellowish and some red or olive colored.  They were born the way they are and it's not something they can change.

Explain to her also that some people don't like other people because of the color of their skin.  Talk to her about how that isn't nice and that regardless of the color of someone's skin- brown, white or other, that all people have feelings and you shouldn't do things or say things that could make them feel bad because of something they can't control, like skin color.  How would she feel if someone made themselves to look like her as a joke?  Sometimes asking the question back to them by reversing the position can get kids to think and talk about those feelings.

I'm not so sure prejudice but racism is what you're afraid of.  I don't think talking about is going to cause that.  Children who have racist views are usually taught them at home because parents or someone they are around often has those views. If you teach her to like all people regardless of their skin color and don't make an issue out of it in a bad way I'm sure she'll learn to accept people in her class, neighborhood etc... regardless of their skin color.

Answer 8

We've explained it to the kids in a kind of 'you are not going to believe what people used to think' way.  We told them how people used to think that it was OK to buy & sell people with brown skin, how they kind of treated them like animals working on the farm.  And, how they were able to do that because they would go steal them from their homes in Africa, then bring them to America, keeping them prisoners.  It was hard for the people with brown skin because they did not speak the language, were separated from their families & were sick after traveling across the ocean in chains in the bottom of the ship.  

Over time & after a war here in America, laws were passed to help people understand why that is wrong.

But, there are still people with brown skin who are angry about that.  And, there are still people with light colored skin who think that people with brown colored skin are not as smart or human as they are, just because their skin is a different color. (Which is especially funny to my kids, because their sister is bi-racial & they know she's a genius :-) )

So, we have to think about the words we're saying & try to understand everyone's feelings.  

And, while you might think that it's funny to disguise yourself & pretend to be someone with brown skin - someone with brown skin might think you were making fun of them.  

I don't think you can live in this world without being aware of the prejudices that exist.  Not if you want to be empathetic to all of the people who might be feeling marginalized or afraid.  

Answer 9

why does she think that would be a joke?  or does she just think it is like 'dress up' and she would pretend to be someone else?

I try to explain other people's differences  - be they race or color or gender or disability or size - just as 'everybody is different'.  I use examples at home like I like carrots and you don't or Dad likes pepper but I  don't ... things like that to make it a non issue and try to keep it in perspective.  No one is right or wrong, just different.  And I also try to explain that other kids have different rules (ie: bedtime) because families are different.  But they are all people and are able to make their own rules.

I'm sure that explanation will run its course in a few years and I will have to explain that some people don't like people of certain colors/races/genders/ etc  but I have worked that out yet  ;0

Answer 10

"We all look different on the outside, but inside, we're all the same."  That's how I've explained it to my three - year - old.  I want him to be tolerant of all people, no matter what they look like.  

Answer 11

I think it is cool she would want to color herself and be black. She is a baby still and as you said, has no idea it could be seen as mean. Tell her "Yes, it is a beautiful skin color but covering yourself in markers is messy!" Make it a total non-issue. If she ever says "Hey, we are different" just say yes, and that is great. Some people have brown eyes, some are tall, some are small, some have wavy hair - etc...

Answer 12

If you are led to do this..........it can have a outstanding outcome

talk about different couontries and the physical characteristic of people from those regions.....

Swiss, Norway, Finland

China Japan Korea

Ameican India

Eastern Indians

Africans

Europeans

Northern Italians lighter than southern because of opporutniy to mate with Germans and Swiss

Southern Italians Darker .blame it on the sun and geography

Scotland and England Irish........usually lighter.....climate rain etc

America.......a big salad bowl that one day will melt together

or just take her to the park and buy her and ice cream, maybe she'll forget it

Answer 13

You should tell her that God made us all the way he wanted us and we should love each other no matter what we look like.

Because we are all God's children.

He loves us all equally