Eye-opener for husband??

Question

Ive asked alot of questions concerning my husband and daughter(step). I got alot of great answers.Ok, the situation here is my step daughter is out of control.I see her heading towards the wrong path.Shes 10 years. My husband is in complete denial of everything she does. He absolutely will not punish her, neither will her Mom.She has no form of disapline other than me.We have her on the weekends.My husband has no clue on how she really is, and the things she does, he doesnt believe anything, and is denial.Ive tried talking to him, but he avoids it.He wont do anything about it.Ive done all I can, and Im at the end of my rope,I menatlly cant deal with it anymore. I have a one year old,and this is affecting him already.He wont step up and be a father to her.Show her right from wrong or disapline her for her behavior.She is just down right rotten to EVERYONE.Its so bad that EVERYONE I know dont want her around because of her behavior. CONTINUED PLEASE READ>>>>

Answer 1

Do not discipline this child as it will back fire on you - let her dad take her where she has to go and let him take care of her and deal with her.  You are not her parent, he is.

EDIT:  I repeat - do not discipline this child, she is not yours and I promise you if you do try to correct her behaviour it will cause trouble between you and your husband.

Speak to him about your worries for this child, but HE must be the one dealing with it.

I was a step-mother who thought I could correct the bad parenting when I married my husband, his wife had died and his kids were out of control.  

I tried to get them to behave, but the more I tried, the worse they got.  

Their Dad did nothing, but finally I stopped doing anything and started worrying about my own children and their behaviour (they were great kids, but got hardly any attention because I was so busy worrying about the other two!)

If her father is not worried about her showing her chest to boys at 10 years old, then there is very little you can do.

Answer 2

It is clear you are the responsible one.  So - tell your husband that he will judge and discipline his daughter and stop overlooking her misbehavior or you will file for a separation or stop preparing him meals or some other discipline he will respond to.- your husband needs discipline.

Answer 3

Your not the parent... But if its affecting your own kid then you have to decide whats more important.. Kid's life or hubbys love..

Answer 4

You can help n state your opinions but its better not to overstep your boundaries.

Answer 5

I have been in a similar situation with my partner's daughter. She was an absolute horror and my partner was completely oblivious to her bad behaviour. Her mum would always say "it's ok, it was an accident", especially if the kid cried. Other parents and family members would complain to me about her behaviour. Children half her age would give her filthy looks when we out in public because even they knew her behaviour was wrong. She'd climb on things, on furniture, flash her undies at people, run into people, throw things at my cat, disrespect other people and their property and was just generally rude. I seemed to be the only peron who'd tell her off but I was reluctanct to do so because my partner didn't like me telling off his little angel. I got to the point when I was ready to leave because I didn't want her behaviour influencing my son. What helped the situation was pointing out to her what she was doing. If we saw another child behaving like her we'd say "see, that's what it looks like when you behave that way". Ultimately I don't know what it was but we were lucky and she snapped out of it at about 8 1/2 and now she is one of the nicest, kindest kids. She does still stuff up sometimes (like everyone else) and my partner will make excuses for her yet she, as a 10 year old, won't make excuses.

I wish I could help but I  guess all I'm trying to say is that you're not the only one. I've had a hard time with a step child too. Even though my partner still often denies that his daughter is ever naughty I tried to get him to realise that his daughter did behave badly when he'd complain about other parents who were in denial about their children's behaviour and how they'd be angry at him if he tried to discipline them. I pointed out to him that I was in the same position with his daughter

A family counsellor might help but everyone else would have to put energy into it too and it sounds like you're the only one trying. Don't feel that you can't discipline her. If she's in your home her behaviour is your business. Good luck.

Answer 6

Get family counseling and do it on every fourth weekend too or call it done, really. You are overstepping! You really think that you 'know who she is and what she does' and he is blind? Get a grip... I can only imagine the kind of 'advice' you've gotten here before - the stuff you wanted to hear, by people of the same mindset as you.

This is not the place to look for answers to questions like this if you already know you are right, or can't filter out the 'agreeable' answers. You need help if you want to save the marriage, and especially if you want to help your daughter. Get help.

Answer 7

what chest shes 10!

Answer 8

maybe she just wants attention

Answer 9

i think its great that you care alot about her enough to help her but at the end of the day its sucks really because you cant actually force anything that will make a difference ! i think that the first problem needing to be solved quickly is your husband , why wouldnt he punish his 10 year old daughter for showing her chest off to boys, i think he is the reason for his daughters bad behavour him and the mother . i guess if she comes home pregnant within afew years though he is going to be the one to deal with it .. i know its hard because she probably swears at you and hates you for actually being the only one trying to pull her into line but just focus on your on child and make sure he is doing okay and getting enough attention from you , goodluck !