FMIL getting married 3 months after me!

Question

My 60 year old widowed FMIL got engaged 6 months after my fiance' and I. She was only with man a year. We were together for over 4 years! She is now getting married 3 months after us. I can't talk about my wedding with her becasue it is all about her wedding. She only has until next May to plan it all out and she is VERY PICKY, wants it at a mansion, and dosn't want to spend more than 10,000 total! Impossible! She's too busy & broke 4 our wedding now. Can't pay for anything extra. Is now watching her pennies with us but has good money somewhere and spends on herself first. The guy is just ok and makes her happy I guess, but only after a year of dating?! Isn't always that nice to the family... I offered my help but it's killing me inside that she did this to us! She's already had one wedding... why can't we have ours?! What to do?!

Answer 1

Dont be so selfish!! You need to let her have her life too - people of that age dont tend to 'date' very long, and will get married quick becuase they dont have that long left!! Her wedding is 3 months after - thats plenty of time! Its not like its the week after. Calm down. And the money issue - you should be paying for your own wedding because you are grown ups!! Dont expect her to pay for everything, or even the 'extras' because she has her own life. Leave her be. Plan your wedding with your own mum and just get on with it

Answer 2

Wow, this sounds incredibly selfish. Her husband passed away! Let her find happiness with someone else. She deserves to have the wedding she wants, no matter the age or how long she's been with someone else. And really, it sounds like you are EXPECTING her to help pay for your wedding. You kept pointing out how broke she is for your wedding. Her own wedding SHOULD come first! I don't see at all how this affects you having your wedding.

BTW, it's not impossible to have a nice wedding with $10, 000 total. We are going to be spending around $6-$7000 total and ours will be beautiful. Of course she's picky about how her money is spent...she should be. ;)

Answer 3

ohh man you might want to take this question down these people are gonna rip you apart...before you know it they will be saying "i hope that your husband doesnt show up to the wedding" yup i actually had a lady tell me that....anyways its really unfair for her to do that to you! Im in the same boat kinda...but what i figured is its my day so s***w everyone that is gonna try to ruin it by messing things up!  howver idk what you could do she seems like a lady pretty set in her ways..i guess the only thing is to either move it until after hers or way before hers..

LMAO...i told you ha ha

wow this old bitter people are nasty lol..dont worry do whatver makes your happy!!!

Answer 4

Weddings are a special occasion the first time and any time - especially after she already lost one husband.  You sound very selfish to be demanding that she spends her money on your wedding.

Why don't you spend your OWN money on your wedding, or ask your OWN parents for money... I'm assuming you are the bride, so isn't that the tradition anyway?  

Be happy that she has found happiness and put yourself in her shoes.  Wouldn't you want to be happy if you lost your husband and later found another love in your life?  Geez, chill out.

Answer 5

I'm a bit confused here. So, are you mad that your FMIL hasn't known her fiance as long as you knew yours? The thing you have to realize is that, aas you get older, you know more of waht you look for & don't in a mate & if the person you are with isn't just that, you don't mess around and move on.

An example: My brother proposed to his gf of 5 years basically the same day as my fiance of less than 2 years proposed to me. I am older than my brother, but, he isn't mad at all at us. He knows that I found the person I want to be with, so, why should we wait? Also, he even went so far as to wait 2 years to get married so that I (being older) could get married before.

I can see why you may be upset about the $$ issue, but, honeslty, you have no right to be upset at how long they have been together. You have no clue what their relationship is like. If she was doing it to ruin your day, she'd either push to have her's right before yours, or, right after yours. Be greatful she's waiting a few months to let you have your day.

Answer 6

You haven't listed a problem. Please explain what you want help with. I see nothing wrong with the scenario at all, except that she seems to be worrying a bit too much about her wedding, and most brides end up doing that. I know I'm guilty of it occasionally.

Answer 7

i'm not understanding the problem....

you sound like your jealous bc she got engaged after a shorter time dating than you and is handling her money better.... "doesn't want to spend more than 10000 total! impossible" ummm people have weddings for much less than 10000!!!!!  i'm sure you spend more on yourself than you do on other people right?  i'm sure your talk about your wedidng and know what you want right? stop being jealous and let her have her day and you have yours!  you should both be happy!

Answer 8

She isn't doing anything to you, she's getting married for herself! Don't get me wrong, I do understand. My mother elected to spend a large amount of money buying a car for o be upset because she can't spend money on your wedding is the height my ex-felon nephew rather than help us with our wedding, and I was deeply hurt. But to expect her not to get married to a man she loves, just to accomodate YOUR needs, is the very height of selfishness. Is she supposed to stay widowed and alone just so you'll be happy? She's 60, she may not have many years to spend "dating". She needs to grab her happiness NOW. Her wedding's not until 3 months after yours, and she may be able to pull it off for $10,000, if she knows the right people.

"She's already had one wedding, why can't we have ours?"... Do you realize how much of a brat that makes you sound like? Don't be a Bridezilla, be happy for her. Maybe if you save some of the stuff you use for your wedding, you can recycle it and use it for hers. Let your plans be similar. Show how generous you can be!

Answer 9

wow. sounds like you are jealous. First off...what does 4 years together and 1 year together have to do on getting married? People get married after like 2 weeks and it works. She is happy...like you are happy. Secound off all why can't both of you talk about your weddings. Ok...she only has till next May to plan and she is picky...she knows what she wants and she will get it done in time. And what is wrong with where she wants it. Maybe she can get it for the price she wants. And since when does she have to pay for your wedding. I had to pay for my own wedding. My mom didnt get to help. Nor did my mother in law help. Don't hate them for it either. She can use her money how ever she wants. If she is watching her pennies here and there then she can spend what she wants where she wants. It's nice of you to offer your help. It's up to her if she wants to use it or not.  And I still don't understand what she did to you guys. I don't see anything of what she did to you. Now if the guy is ok and makes her happy then what's wrong with getting married after 1 year?  You really need to think about how you are acting. Very poor. your fmil is happy for her getting married. And I am sure she is happy that you guys are getting married also. Why are you not happy at all?

Answer 10

You sound a bit jealous and spoiled. She is widowed, you should be happy she found someone to spend the rest of her life with.

As for the money, your an adult, there is no law that says she has to pay for anything for your wedding.  

Answer 11

You're a brat...

Answer 12

I can understand your position, but your wedding isn't about your FMIL; it's about you and your fiance'.  Was your FMIL supposed to give you a large chuck of the money for your wedding?  If not, dont worry about her and keep planning.  If she did agree to give you money, talk to her.  Let her know how you feel, and try to work out something where she may still be able to contribute.  BUT...you've got to remember....as much as you're a Bride to Be who wants attention and wants the wedding of your dreams...so too is your FMIL.  You both deserve the best on your big day, and now is not the time for either of you to be selfish or to become a Bridezilla.  

I wish you all the best!!!

Answer 13

you cant do a thing and its not about the time you are dating each other,hubby and i only dated 6 months before we got married

Answer 14

I am so glad I went to college and make my own money.

Selfish people like you are always looking to get some money out of other people.  Truth is she deserves to be happy just like anyone else and if she wants to spend HER money on HER own happiness, then she's entitled.

If you have to have a smaller wedding because you can't afford a bigger one, then have a small wedding and stop living off of others.

And you need to GET OVER YOURSELF.  You are not that important.  Nobody cares about your wedding more than you do.  She did not do anything to you.  She is not marrying him to spite you.  Grow up.

Answer 15

Girl....settle down!  Oh my God, I think you are both going bridezilla.

First of all....the lady is 60!!  You do NOT need to "date" for 3-4 years at 60 years old!  Good heavens.  I met my husband, dated, was engaged exactly 1 year later, and was married 8 months after that.  So, total from time of meeting to wedding was 20 months and I was only 21 years old.

How is she "doing this to you?"  What do you mean?  If she chooses to spend her OWN money on her OWN wedding...that is her business.  She doesn't owe you or your fiance anything.

I think it's a bit much, myself, if she is planning a huge wedding at 60 years old...but to each their own.

You plan and pay for your wedding, and let her plan and pay for her wedding!

Answer 16

What?? Cant you both be happy? Why is her wedding ruining yours? It will only ruin yours if you let it. Grow up!

Some couples dont get any help from their parents and still throw a great party! And you CAN have a great wedding for less than $10,000!!!

Answer 17

What exactly did she do to you?  She is happy & marrying a man she is in love with.   And you're mad about that?  Or is it you're mad that she is using HER money on herself instead of YOU.  Make your own money & spend it however you want.  And getting married 3 months after you?  Get over yourself!  You get ONE wedding day, that's it, not a wedding week, wedding month & definitely not a wedding quarter.  Be happy your MIL has found someone to love & enjoy.  

Answer 18

I don't understand what she is doing to you.  Both weddings can happen.  As long as she is still doing what she promised to do for yours.  You plan yours and she can plan hers!  

Answer 19

Wow.  Whine much?  

You've had four years to save and plan your wedding.  Four freakin' years!  

She has no obligation to pay for your wedding.  Why haven't you been saving for the last FOUR years?  Why the expectation to be taken care of?

Get a second job if you need the help so badly.

Answer 20

I think you're being selfish by expecting everyone else to plan their lives around your wedding. It doesn't matter how long your MIL has been with her boyfriend/fiance, or where or when she wants to have her wedding, or how much she wants to spend - seriously, none of that has anything to do with your wedding or is any of your business. Why can't you be glad that your MIL, who lost her husband, has found a wonderful person to be with?

You'll have your day, and it will be beautiful. But if you expect people to block off the whole year around your wedding day and not have any events for their own lives, you're being ridiculous.  

Answer 21

She SHOULD be all about her wedding, just as you should be about your own. She didn't 'do' anything to you - you're attitude is your own.

You two should be paying for your own wedding anyway - do you see now how much it infringes upon parents? They deserve to use their own money on themselves however they want!

How about just trying to be happy for someone else - it's good karma.

Answer 22

It's 3 months apart - not the same weekend or even the same month.  Just focus on your own wedding and enjoy it.  If she asks for help, just tell her that you are too busy with the wedding and will be glad to help her after yours is over and you're back from your honeymoon or whatever.

Answer 23

This might be the most childish, spoiled post I've ever seen.

Get over yourself.  Your wedding is none of her concern and her's is none of yours.  

She's already had one wedding....riiiight.  Get a grip, bridezilla.

Answer 24

Oh my word grow up! She is not obligated to pay for your wedding. She is getting married too- get over it! You're not the only person getting married, and your FMIL should not have to wait to get married just because you are. It's three months apart. Your question is what you should do. What you should do is grow up, don't expect her to pay for stuff, and enjoy your wedding. Stop judging her.

Answer 25

She's entitled to do whatever she pleases. And that includes not spending her money on you.

You can either let it bother you, or you can get on with planning your own wedding with your family and friends.