FOR THOSE OF YOU CONFUSED ABOUT s*x AND LOVE: Can love last without sexual comraderie?

Question

( I was annoy and disgusted by the answers in Marriage and Divorce and so I am posting this here...)

Ok, we all know that sexless marriages either end in someone feeling guilty and shameful, someone feeling deprived and resentful, and or someone screaming DIVORCE.

Various AUTHENTIC reasons for no s*x in a marriage: Too busy, kids running around, someone isn't well, off work hours, outside and interal stress, and sudden accidents.

Various BOGUS AND LAME reasons for no s*x in a marriage: headaches three months every night in a row, tired, weak, legs hurt and insert any other goofy, unrealistic blah, blah!

With all this said.... how does love grow in a intimate partnership when the s*x is vacant? Afterall, being married means you aren't roomates, and you aren't JUST friends... After all, we aren't JUST spiritual beings. We are flesh and blood, physical, bonding, interlocking humans. You know my stance, but can't the love fade when the sexual connection dries up?

Answer 1

The love can last but a great amount of understanding has to take place. There can be physical or mental reasons that the s*x stops but if it's just because it got boring then find something to reignite the spark.

Answer 2

yes, but harder.

Answer 3

I don't think so. It seems to me that when you share so much of your life with someone, you develop a bond with them that is different than what you would have with anyone else. And if there is a legitimate reason for no more s*x, or lewss-often s*x, you work around it. If it is something that can be helped, like stress or being too busy, you establish a way to rebuild your s*x life. If it is a health issue, where one person physically cannot have s*x, then the other person is a jerk for then saying, "I don't love you anymore because I can't hit the booty; see ya!" (If it's the bogus reasons like you listed, there's another underlying issue that needs to be addressed.)

Your question reminds me in a roundabout way of America's Next Top Model (yeah, I know, what a lame reference to make right now) several seasons ago when one ofthe contestants would not do the nude shoot (they had paint or feathers or something) because she felt if she was naked in front of others, then there was nothing special for her husband. I remember thinking, "ou've made children with this man and built a life together, but you think the only special thing you have is he sees you naked? Sad!"

Answer 4

If love fades

when the s*x is done , then where did those 80 and 90 yr. old couples come from .... The physical and emotional bonding happened a long time ago for some people ...there comes a point when s*x doesn't matter ... but the love is strong.

Answer 5

I think s*x is an important part of any relationship, where possible. If you are not sexual with your partner, try spicing things up a bit!

Answer 6

It shouldn't...

Answer 7

There are two types of love: Passionate and Companionate.  Companionate love is comprised of Intimacy and Commitment.  Love is most successful when passion, intimacy, and commitment are all involved in equal proportions.

Passionate love involves the arousing aspects of love and, as such, includes s*x.  Intimacy involves the ability to be completely open of your partner and the maintencance of a relationship in which you feel you are able to communicate effectively and without censor; intimacy is, essentially, "being one" with your partner.  Commitment involves the lifelong desire to remain with an individual and stay involved with them.

Since relationships are most successful when all three of these (Passion-Intimacy-Commitment) are  in effect, it comes as corollary that relationships are easier to maintain when healthy sexual relations are involved.  Love can grow in an intimate partnership without love if Intimacy and Commitment are fulfilled (possibly to excess); however, the type of love, called Companionate Love, which results is not the type of love - Consummate Love - which you are referring to in your question.  Likewise, there are specific studies that have been done which document the types of trouble relationships run into when a relationship lacks one of the three components of love.

This particular theory of love is referred to as Sterberg's Triangular Theory of Love.