FPs, APs: Question about naming a guardian?

Question

Obviously this would apply primarily to those in an open adoption where a relationship has been established, but when it comes to naming a guardian in the event of your death (adoptive parents) have you ever thought about making that guardian the first mom (or dad)? Has this ever happened? First parents, have you ever thought about this or asked about this? Would you want this? Do you even know who the guaradian is for your child? And, have you ever discussed if something did happen to the APs and your child went with someone else if it was clearly discussed that they need to maintain the open relationship?

This was brought up on a blog and I thought it was an interesting thought.

Answer 1

Hard question. It depends how you adopted. Not all birth mothers and father's are drug addits. For some reasons at the time thought that the child would be better of with some one else. In my son's case it was a whata be kidnapping. I don't feel like anyone involved in this case that is not the natural parents have any rights in still keeping the child in case of their deaths. Look people there are alot of  natural fathers out there that don't even know that they had a child and most of them would be a great parent if given the chance. I feel that in case of death of a adopted parents the child should have the right to decide where he or she wants to live. Plus they need to know about the natural parents and there extended family anyways.

Answer 2

Dear Kazi,

This Q actually took my breath away ----> FLASHBACK.

When my husband and I gave L. & D. our daughter, this was something we had asked. We were told, "Of course, you are like the sister D. never had. Of course we'd want the kids to go back to you!"

After finalization, however, were were curtly informed that they had named D.'s  68 year-old mother WHO LIVES IN ENGLAND as guardian in case of their deaths. (This was 10 years ago which would make D.'s mother 78 now.) Needless to say, it is one more thing to add to the list of lies we were fed. (And one more reason I feel guilty for not seeing through them and keeping our children.)

BTW. My hubs and I are both college educated (and were at the time of the adoption), neither of us has had a substance abuse problem and were NEVER not capeable of caring for our children.

Answer 3

No I would not as my kids mum is a drug addict.

My sister is their guardian, with the strict instruction that she is to help them find their mom when the time comes and if they want to reunite. She has also been instructed that if my husband and I die, she is to continue with sending packages to my kids mum every four months with pictures and a letter and half of the kids' art work.

ETA I thought I would clarify: my kids mum is a drug addict who currently lives on the streets and prostitutes herself  to afford her habit.

Answer 4

Yes, it is in our will that his first mom will be guardian (if she is willing and able and if she agrees to certain conditions, like moving here to allow him to stay in this house).

Answer 5

After my daughter was born we named my sister and her husband as guardian because they live about an hour drive from my daughters nmom (a lot closer than we do) and I knew they would continue to honor the open adoption arrangement that we have with my daughters nmom.

Now that my daughter is older (11) and has a  relationship with her nmom I have considered making some changes to allow my daughter to decide. However I do think that would be a heavy burden to place on a kid especially since either choice would still completely turn her life upside down because she would have to relocate to my hometown several states away. This age is particularly difficult with established friends, school, etc.



But either way I know both parties will honor my daughters wishes to maintain contact with both her adoptive and biological families.

I would be pleased with whatever made my child happy.

Great question.

Answer 6

Yep.  Our son's mom is his custodian in the event of our deaths, and in our state, she will be required to adopt him.

Answer 7

We have definitely thought about this but even though the adoption of my grandson is supposed to be open the aparents don't want to include my son.  The nmother is a meth addict so she would never be able to care for her nchild and they include her in the open adoption.  My son is not involved in any kind of wrongdoing or drugs and is not allowed to be a part of his son's life.  

My son would definitely want to raise his child if anything happened to the aparents.  I think that it is only fair to at least offer this opportunity to the nfamily before it was offered to the extended afamily as long as there were people in the nfamily that were qualified to raise the child.

Answer 8

My sister would be our son's guardian.  Although we like his adoptive parents, even in an open adoption he would not see them as much as he sees my immediate family just because of distance.  Also, my son knows my parents as grandma and grandpa and I'm not convinced his birthparents would maintain his relationships with my family--the family he knows as his own.  My sister will keep contact with them so that isn't an issue.

Answer 9

I do not want my son going to a person who has acknowledged that she cannot parent a child.  Therefore, I've talked to and selected people who can be a good parent, and who my son would be comfortable with.

Answer 10

My children were adopted from foster care. Their first parents were not capable of caring for them and they still are not.

Before my daughters first father surrendered his rights he did ask her first mom what I would do if something happen to my husband and I. She told me that she thought since we were so responsible we must have a plan although she did not know what it was. I followed up informing him that my brother would be the guardian for all of the children. That keeping them together in our home was our priority. He was content with that answer. My son's fdad at first wanted him to just always be in foster care and not adopted in case in 10 years he wanted to run away. So he could live with the grandmother or someone because it was common in his family to leave the home around12.

My brother would be the guardian. He knows of everyone in our children's ffamilies and how important it is to us and the kids to maintain contact. This question serves a a reminder of how important it is and that I should have instructions and contact information written out in our will. Thanks.