Family Tree projects for children who have been adopted...?

Question

This hasn't come up yet for my second grader, but after reading Jennifer L's question, I got to thinking. We know next to nothing about my son's first family (just his first mother's name) so his 'tree' would look a little sparse if he had one name and picture on it. I don't have a problem with that, but I imagine that it would spark some conversation and possibly even teasing from my son's classmates.

So here's the question: how would you handle this? I have some ideas. Please let me know what you think of them and add more ideas if you have some!

1) Make two trees. One would have my son's first mother's name on it (and her picture, if that's part of the project). The other would have his adoptive family on it.

2) Speak with the teacher about doing an alternate project. (Ideas for an alternate project are welcome!)

3) Offer to come into the classroom to talk about adoption and my son's experiences (with his permission, of course!). This way we could explain together that my son has two families and maybe raise some awareness among his friends and classmates.

What do you think?

Thanks for your help!

Aloha :)

Answer 1

I never had to worry about doing a family tree when I was a child.  It just wasn't part of the curriculum back then.  

My 15 year old, on the other hand, had to do one a couple of years ago.  I asked her how she wanted to do it and she asked what I meant.  I pointed out to her that she was "lucky" because she could do it on either our family or her birth family (even though we know next to nothing).  Her response, and this was from a 12 year old at the time, was that it was a "family tree" project and we were her family so that is what she wanted to do it on.  

Later on she said to me "after all Dad, it's not a "birth family tree" project".  When I said it could be if she wanted to she reminded me that I was adopted, my maternal grandmother was adopted and my father had two step brothers so "whats the big deal?"  We were her family and thats how she wanted to do it.

I guess my point is, why not bring it up to your child and let him decide which one he wants to do.  He may even want to do both or show a branch off representing his bio family.  His thoughts on the matter may just pleasantly surprise you.

Answer 2

All of these ideas depend on the child.  Some children become more upset and completely thrown off by thinking about their first parents.  They begin to feel rejection, etc.  This is not good.  Others do not care.  Because this is a delicate issue, I feel later is better.  Children need the truth, but it is not always necessary to encumber them with it so soon.  Let them grow up knowing there is love for them, and security.  You do not want your adopted son to begin to show signs of depression or rejection. --- Toni D.  

Answer 3

Here are a few ways of doing it:

1) A traditional tree with either just the adoptive family listed or just the first family listed.

2) A modified traditional tree with your son's name on the tree trunk, his adoptive familiy as the branches/leaves and the first family as the roots (This is my personal favourite because if you think about it both the leaves and the roots nourish the trunk).

3) A forrest of trees where each person in his family has a tree and all the roots are connected.

4) Two large trees (one representing the first family and one repesenting the adoptive family) either side of a smaller tree (representing your son) and conected by the roots.

5) Tree rings with your son at the centre, the parents (all of them) are the next ring, the grandparents the next ring and so on.

6) Alternate projects such as interviwing a family member about their life or researching the history of your town/suburb.

All of these could work but I think the best way of approaching it would be to discuss all the options with your son and see which one HE would like to do.  He is the only one who knows which format would best represent the way he feels about his family right now (and may even have a format of his own).  

I think it is really important that he is the one to decide what he includes/shares and what he doesn't.  To do that he will also need to know things like if the projects will be put on display or will only the teacher see it (he may be wiling to share more personal information with the teacher than he is with the whole class) and will he be marked down for not handing his project in a set format (some teachers are sticklers).

As for the school - you should be able to find out which year they usually do this project in and then talk to the teacher at the beginning of that year.  I would encourage the teacher to be flexible and allow ALL the students to present their project in a way that best reflects their family or to complete an alternative project (ie. not just make an exemption for your son).  I would also encourage them to talk about about different kinds families as part of this unit (eg. step families, adoptive families, single parent families, families where the children live with aunts/uncles/ grandparents - to name just a few).  If you provide the teacher with some resources (eg. different family tree models, websites, books etc) they will probably be more inclined to incorperate the ideas into their program.  If you did talk to your son's class about adoption (and I definitely think this would need to be his decision) it would be good if this was done as part of a series of 'guest speakers' talking about different kinds of families so as not to single your son out.

I do think that this is a good opportunity to talk about some of these issues with your son because as someone pointed out there will even more difficult assignments in the years to come (such as the genetics one).

Answer 4

The adoptive parents are the legal parents, and above all, the "real" parents to an adopted child.  His/her adoptive parents' parents are his grandparents, probably the only ones he/she knows, and they love an adopted grandchild every bit as much or more than a natural grandparent loves a natural grandchild.

Let an adopted child use his adoptive parents for his family tree.  It makes the child feel more a part of & belonging with those who took him/her into their hearts.

Besides, does your child really want everyone to know he/she is adopted?  Are they prepared -- and willing -- to handle busybodies who pry into personal lives?  It is not a matter of being a "secret."  It's just a personal matter that is really nobody else's business.  Children can be cruel.  Let the child decide.  

But he does have a very real family and can do a family tree just like everyone else.  And at this age, being "like" other children is very important to being/feeling accepted.

Answer 5

There are several alternatives suggested here:

http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles...

and other places.  Don't forget that adopted children are not the only ones with "non-traditional" family trees.  For children of divorce - who are their "real" parents?  Mommy and her husband or Daddy and his wife?  There are kids in foster care, kids being raised by a parent and stepparent, kids being raised by grandparents, and kids being raised by same s*x couples too...

Have a talk with the teacher - if you consider all of the kids who might not be comfortable with a "traditional" tree, there have to be ways for all the kids to draw something without some trees looking more "different" than others.  I think it would be a great exercise in diversity.

Answer 6

This is an interesting question, because looking at one response given that stated that all of your relatives are all of your child's relatives as well, thinking of the other side of things:   If one of my relatives adopted a child, i would not feel that they were related at all to me as we share no common ancestors.   I would feel that that child has cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents etc. who are still related to them.  The adoptive parents are related to them "by law", but are other relatives who having nothing else in common with the child?  And as for grandparents, may not even have been aware before their deaths that an adoption would take place?

three ways that family relationships can be viewed:

- legal relationship (parent--child)?

- social relationship (adoptive-family--child, sometimes natural-family--child (if open adoption and/or reunion))?

- natural/blood relationship (natural parents, ancestors and blood relatives -- and child)?

What are family trees representing?  good question.  maybe an adopted child should have two of them, one stating the adoptive parents and one for the natural family (genealogy, ancestors, etc.)

Answer 7

One person - one tree.

Make the trunk your son.

Then have branches coming up.

One will have his bio mum.

Other's will have you and your extended family.

They are all a part of him.

Perhaps don't have things bunched into separated groups - just all his family members branching out all over the place.

Don't actually leave gaps so it's obvious that info is missing - but just celebrate what he knows - explaining that hopefully one day - you can fill in more branches and links together.

Explain it to his teacher - so that you're all on the same page.

It's a snap-shot of his reality.

Anyhoo - that's my 2 cents worth.

ETA: ah - to the other poster - no - never saw it as an exciting thing to do - because I wasn't allowed to know who my first family was - so it was all 'wrong'.

In fact - I dreaded such projects.

But I also wasn't allowed to talk about adoption - full stop.

Things need to be normalised - not made 'special' - or too different.

(it doesn't gel well when you're told you're 'special' - but your first mother couldn't keep you - it just doesn't make sense to a kid)

It's part of who an adoptee is - our reality.

Adoptees already feel like freaks at times.

It's great when AP's are thinking about situations like this beforehand.

Answer 8

Whenever I was in school and had to do a family tree, I always did my adoptive family. They were the ones raising me, therefore they are my family.  

Answer 9

We went through this last year.  Our son is lucky enough to have contact with his mom, but our family is absolutely riddled with adoptions.

A "ring style" tree works best in adoption situations.  Core is the adopted child, and rings go out from there. (first ring is quartered instead of halved)

here are the answers I got http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

found a poem about this too:

Family Forest

Copyright 1998, C. C. Haas, All rights reserved. Reprinted here by permission.

I have a family forest,

Instead of just one tree.

So many many families

Combined to make me me...

First there's my real parents,

And then birth parents too,

So at the start  I have not one,

But trees that number two!

And Mommy has two mommies,

and Daddy has two dads,

And so does Daddy's Daddy,

(My Grandpa, since you asked)

Our family is adopted,

And now we're getting more....

Another little sister

From a distant shore

And when I get to counting,

The number gets so high

That if they were all on one tree,

'Twould reach right to the SKY!

So we have a family forest,

Instead of just one tree,

And I love ALL my families,

And know that they love ME!!!!

Answer 10

i had to do a project like this once.

i just used my adopted family,

cuz i too only knew my only my mom of my birth family.

your more like a family to him than his birth family is.

so i would tell him to just do it on you / adopted family.

or for the space for the mom,

he could put your picture / name there,

and then his birth moms picture / name like in parenthesis next to yours or something like that.

:]

i hope that helped.

its really kinda sucks not knowing family history.

we did blood typing in bio last year,

and i was the only one who couldnt do it cuz i didnt know my birth parents blood types.

=/

[sorry, not like you needed to know that.

aha.]

Answer 11

My son is entering second grade, too... and so far we haven't had to do a serious family tree. (So far it's been things like an apple tree with family members names on the apples -- you could include whoever you counted as family. The purpose wasn't to show lineage.) But I'm sure it's coming someday.

I've been searching for ideas though and some of the ones that I think look interesting are a "grafted" tree where it's two trees (original family and adoptive family) that grow together as one.

Another idea is that you draw the root structure of the tree as the original family. I can't decide if I like the symbolism of that one or not yet though. On one hand, I like it that his original family is his "roots" and that, although you can't see them (and even if you can't label them all), they're just as large as the main tree branches, and vital to the health of the tree. On the other hand, roots aren't very glamorous and the "underground" thing might not have the best connotation.

When this project comes up, I will definitely ask my son (he's my oldest) how he wants to handle it (including non-tree options like asking for a different assignment), and go from there.

Answer 12

I was adopted as a baby and had to deal with this when I was 14 and did a biology class on genetics and where you get your eye colour from etc.

I found it really difficult and def would not have wanted my mum to come in and talk to my class!

I'd say speak to the teacher and explain the situation and ask her what the project will entail. If it will just be tracing a family tree or if it will link into something like where we get our blood type from, hair/eye colour etc.

If its a family tree then you are his family and his grandparents are your parents and his cousins aunts uncles are all your relatives.

If he wants a little box to the side with his birth mums name in then that's fine and I think a nice idea if that's what he wants.But your family tree is his family tree. He would appear on yours!

Answer 13

I'm adopted and I had to do this when I was a child.  I would do two trees.  Your son will view this project as something he's doing for himself, not for the classroom, although the classroom may see it. He will get a chance to learn about himself during this project, so it should end up being tons of fun for him!  Doing one for each instills in him how special he is, not only does he have a biological family tree, but he's just as much a part of the adoptive family tree and anyone else.  The classmates usually won't ridicule, but they will be curious and sometimes a little envious that he has more than one family!  The classroom will probably need to be educated somewhat on what it means to be adopted, and maybe there are other children in his class that are also adopted.  I'd talk it over with his teachers to make sure it was okay.  When you are adopted, projects like this are always exciting, because they remind you of how special you really are.  I hope you both enjoy this project together!

Answer 14

I would do one tree, just with an extra "parent" on it. I'd be very wary of raising anything in your son's mind to suggest that you don't consider yourself to be part of his family tree, or that his situation is somehow special or wrong. He won't be the only one with a slightly different family tree - I'm sure there will be kids with only one parent on there, or with half-brothers and sisters, or with dad and stepdad (maybe several stepdads).

You could always offer to do 3) as well.

Answer 15

Adopted tree.

Otherwise, he may not feel he belongs or you accept him as your own. Best not to draw attention to it.

Answer 16

What about one tree, with birth mom and mom on it.  I know a few people who've be adopted, and all of them have told me (weather they know their birth parents or not) that their adoptive parents are their parents.  To them, their parents are who raised them, not so much who gave birth to them.  It might be different for a child who is adopted at an older age.

Answer 17

Generally whenever I encountered this project in school, or when my sisters did, we just did our adopted family, but then we know nothing about our biological family.  The only time we did have to do something separate was when we did bio units and had to talk about what physical traits we got from our parents (blood type etc).  Our teachers were pretty flexible though, it never ended up being a problem at all.