Family Values...poem...tell me what you think please!!?

Question

I'm addicted to the thoughts of long ago,

When I was a baby and my family was together,

I never had a worry I knew all I needed to know,

Know I see these photographs crumble under feet.

Mother do you see what is my destiny?

I've been clawing at my eyes just to see

A glimpse of the person I was longing to be,

I can't believe that you made me, me

God you have forsaken me for the last time,

I've been stuck inside my head for way to long,

How do you do when you rest your head at night,

I hope you know for me sleep is hard to find.

Father I hate the ring of your name,

Cause it's been echoing for years, through my brain.

I can't stand the fact that I looked up to you,

13 years down and now we're through.

My life is spiraling out of control,

But that's ok cause I'm enjoying the ride,

I drink my drugs and sniff the alcohol,

So what it makes me feel alive.

I'm happy to be in love for the first time,

I keep praying that it will be the last time.

I'm sorry for making you hate me honey,

But know that I'm living just for you.

So in the end I wanna have some kids,

So they can look up to me and see,

How to not fucckk up the life you lead,

I honestly can't wait till I have a family!

Answer 1

You sound sad and depressed. Also I don't understand the rhyme scheme. The poem itself makes sense though. It's very original.

Answer 2

Your use of the "f" word in the last stanza spoils it somewhat.

I would agree that it sounds a little bitter, but I haven't walked a mile in your moccasins.  I would consider re-writing and maybe lightening it somewhat.  

Answer 3

you sound just a tad bitter. You need to find a way to rid yourself of this hate. I hope that poem worked for you.  

Answer 4

Well you have created a token of the dad you hate into you and your poem showing the indifference in your life towards others that later on you will hurt in life.

Although it is great at the pouring of life's conflicts within your soul on to paper if these conflicts carry on to your real life it could turn out to be disastrous for you and everyone around you.

It has all the content's of being a great poem just do your self a favor and that is read it out loud and look for the blind areas.

And what I mean by the blind areas it's where it sound's off and rewrite it and read it out loud until it ring's with what it takes to be a work of art for generation's to come to read and ponder over it's significance.

Answer 5

i think it's cute.. keep it up!