Family adoption?

Question

My neice has been living with me for the past 6 months due to her parent's poor relationship and alcohol addiction. I got a call from my sister today. She told me that she was doing much better. Her and her husband are starting to patch things up and they are getting along much better. Then she told me that she wants me to adopt her daughter. She didn't ask me to take custody. She said adopt. I don't know what my neice will think of it and I definatly don't want to upset her. How do I approach such a sensitive subject to a teenager? She is graduating high school in a couple of weeks and going to college near home, so she will still be living with me.

If she is receptive to the idea, where would we start and who should I contact first? Thanks!

Answer 1

A legal guardianship would work best in this situation.  Discuss it with your neice, who more than likely would prefer to stay with you anyway from what you have said here - let her take the lead and express how she feels so she feels she has some control over what's happening in her life

Contact a family lawyer to discuss legal guardianship

Answer 2

Wow! This is a tough one.  I like your first answer to this question. The only thing I might add is; if she does come to live with you, you "must" make some contingencies and 'stick' to them, no matter what.  Since you have not raised a girl up yet, you should be informed that she may get a little competitive with you.  I have raised four daughters and each one of them challenged my authority around the age of seventeen-ish.  

You should also talk with your sister about setting up some kind of savings account for her. Make sure it is in writing that she is to deposit a set amount every month for her daughter's welfare and education.  It is the very least she can do ,if she wants you to take the responsibility for her daughter.  You have enough mouths to feed, already.  This way, if it does not work out, she will have the funds to live elsewhere.  May God bless you and your family.

Answer 3

I would decline to adoption, but custody wouldn't be a bad idea, just talk it through with your sister then approach your niece with the idea

Answer 4

i think you sould just have you and your sister and niece sit down and talk about it see what she thinks and be opened about everthing

Answer 5

i would encourage them  to all go to counceling before making a decison like that.  im sure they can all live together peacefully. but depending on how old she is, adoption may not be the best solution.  (ie if she will be living on her own in a few years anyway)

Answer 6

If she's that old already, I don't see how there really would be any needs for adoption? I've heard of parents just "signing" their kids over. I would just contact your local CSD office or a family office of some sort and go from there.

Answer 7

wow your sister is really selfish. See what the kid wants let her make the decision.

Answer 8

If she is 17, and going to college so soon, why does she need to be adopted in a legal, formal sense? By the time you complete paperwork, home study with social workers, and court hearing she will be 18. Have your sister write and sign a brief letter granting you power to make emergency medical decisions in case something happens. Tell your niece how you and your husband feel about her and present it as a positive thing that she can stay with you.

That is a small age difference given your exact ages to exert authority, but even without adoption you are the adult/parent figure. Sit down with her and work out some ground rules for her staying with you as she gets older. It is clear you love her and that you and your husband are generous people, but informing her that her mother would rather have her husband than her child (or alcohol than her child) is only going to hurt her. She probably already knows that her mother puts other things before her, but it doesn't need to be repeated. That you value and love her makes you the best mother figure she has ever had!