Family = blood?

Question

My family does not support my choice to give my daughter up for adoption, they have told me many times that they think it was a very selfish choice and that the family will cut me out of their lives at any moment (even thou they are so sweet and care so much about our relationship). They think i have scarred my daughter for life since she's not with her "family" (which means blood family)

The more they say it the more i start to doubt myself..are they right? Can you still feel at home with a family that is not your blood?

Answer 1

Family is what you make of it.  You don't have to be blood related to be family.  I am adopted and I have never felt abandoned!  I love my birth mother for giving me up, she knew she could not have provided for me like my adoptive parents could.

Answer 2

I think family is what you make it.  Blood doesn't always make a family it is the bonds that we form in life that make our family.  When we marry that person becomes our family but they aren't blood related to us.  While I could never give a child up for adoption I do understand that sometimes it is what is best for the child and you are giving another person or persons the family they have always wanted, the gift of a child that they couldn't have by blood but will welcome into their homes as their "family".

Answer 3

If putting your child up for adoption was the choice you made to be able to give her a better life than you could, then I commend you for giving your child a real chance in life.

Your family is wrong.  You don't have to be blood to be family and it is sad that they feel that way.  And on the flip side, if they felt so strongly about it, why didn't they adopt her, I mean if blood is blood?

Family comes in all shapes, sizes, colors and races.  Family is love and respect and taking care of each other.  You don't have to be related by blood to have a true family.

Good Luck, Jackie b

Answer 4

Blood is blood.  Family is family.  They don't necessarily have to overlap.

Answer 5

If family = blood my *** is in trouuuuuble.  Alcoholism, drug addicts, incest, and over-eaters, I've dismissed them all from my life and i've never been happier.  My husband is my family, thankfully not blood related!  I have surrounded myself with wonderful supportive friends who over the years have became family.  (none blood related) :)

As for an adopted child, She needs you too.  She needs to see you and know you.  I wish you and your daughter all the best:)  I'm not too fond of your family though.  Take care.

Answer 6

You seem to be hurting.  Your family has not been treating you well (based on what you've said in your questions here).  It's too bad that they cannot be more supportive and understanding.

Having said that...  I do not like adoption.  I know you did what you thought was right.  And I do not condemn you for it.  (It's not my place.  Nor would I want that.)  But adoption does have its pitfalls.

I was not much like my adoptive family.  They didn't understand me very well.  And I always felt like the outsider.  They love me.  And I love them.  But that doesn't change the feeling of not belonging.  

Other adoptees here say that they don't go through such feelings at all.  That suggests that everyone's different.  No one here knows how your daughter will do as an adoptee.

I'd like to tell you it's all going to be fine.  But I can't know that.  No one here can.

All I can do is wish you well as you move forward.  And express my sympathies for the ways your family has acted.

Answer 7

I had to laugh out loud.

If family was only by blood, then what's marriage for?  Talk about incest......

I've told you about our family in the past... there's almost no one related by blood in our family.  My son is adopted, as are his father and I, as well as one aunt and a grand father, which comes to well over half of the family.  Any child I had biologically would still not be related by blood to most of our family.  And the family that it WOULD be related by blood to, are legal strangers to that hypothetical child.

Your daughter is LOVED, by three parents, not just two.  More people to love a child is ALWAYS better.

Answer 8

I believe family is not only blood, but those in our hearts also.  My church family is made of great people, who I love, who come into my home, and I can trust.  I have a blood relative that is so revered by the community, that in my eyes, I wouldn't trust her to run from a rattlesnake.  On the other hands, I have a friend who is more my sister than any family by blood has ever thought about.  BTW, I'm Baptist, not a cult member!

My adopted son seems to be happier in my home than my oldest son, who I gave birth to.  I believe part of it is, the ages that I was during their raising, my maturity, and my ability to be a better parent, not blood.  They both call me mom, and they are both my sons, not the adopted one, not the natural one, just MY SONS and the joys of my life.

Answer 9

My family didn't support me when I placed my son in a good home for adoption either.  It was better for him, for me, and for the family that was lucky enough to get him.

He's 11 years old now and I had never seen a happier child.  He knows he's adopted and he knows he's loved.  He has a wonderful family, attentive mother and doting father.

You made the right decision and you are very strong for doing it without their support.

Hope this helps!  :-)

Answer 10

I am adopted, and yes, you can feel secure and loved in an adoptive family- believe you me, blood does not automatically make for a wonderful family experience- ask my hubby.  He had  a terrible time in his family, and he was not adopted.  We also have 2 adopted children, and they feel at home with us.  You were not selfish, my friend- if you , yourself knew that you could not give your daughter the life that you felt necessary to give her- adoption was a great choice.   You did not scar your daughter for life.  A biological family does not make it good.

Answer 11

It's not a selfish choice at all, it's a life choice. I gave my daughte rup for adoption 19 years ago, and have never regretted it, she has a family who love her and have given her the best of everything.  A family wich includes an oldert sister and two older brothers, they have never once thought of her as anything but part of their family, i know this because i know the family they have never regretted the decision to take her on and raise her as their own.

Answer 12

Family goes beyond being genetically related to someone.  I have always felt that I was at home and belonged in my family and they are not my blood.  I have a friend who is not close to her family who is blood at all. She always says that her close friends are more family then her family will ever be.  Of course some people don’t feel that way clearly your family is one of them.

If you did not feel you could give your child the best life she deserved then good for you for trying to give her a better one. No one knows how your daughter (or any child) will one day take being adopted she could take it well or she could take it badly or somewhere in the middle.  That’s just the thing nothing in life is guaranteed, nothing.

As said the more love a child or anyone gets only makes their life richer.

Answer 13

Good for you now. Write about being able to contake this family in a couple of years. Your find out that years down the line your just in the way. As for your family I could see how they find it hard. Down the line they won't know how to take when you decide to have children and keep them. They also feel that if you weren't ready to have children then you should have used bith control remember it wasn't the childs fault that you didn't think of safe s*x before you got pregant but they have to live with the actions all there lives. Now you get the joy of helping a family that couldn't have a child and a child that could really need a home is left out once again. If that couple wanted a child then they should have went to foster care where they would have been happy to get a child that could use one but I bet that couple wouldn't have wanted a older child or one that could have been damage. I hope latter on down the road your not the one crying for your actions and I hope the child don't hate you for what you did.

Answer 14

I was adopted, my real family wasn't their for me. My adoptive family didn't accepted me at all. Not everyone is like this. But for some reason you will always be treated different because you are not blood. Its sad, but in my case true Adoption messes up some people. Not being accepted by your adopted family makes it tens times worse

Answer 15

Your family is right. Sorry to say, and youre gonna get alot of idiots patting you on the back for basically giving your child away. Theres nothing noble or generous about it, its selfish and its very likely she will grow up with insecurities and abandonment issues. I dont know why people think adoption is some kind of fairy tale world, it isnt. Some kids are bounced from house to house, a vast majority of them are abused, especially females. Im not gonna sugar coat anything and tell you youre right for dumping your child on strangers, because frankly i think its sad and selfish. I feel sorry for her. Poor baby.Just hope one day she forgives you when you start your own family and keep your other kids that youre most likely going to have. Try explaining to her why she was thrown out like yesterdays trash and they were kept.

Answer 16

Well if they are sooooooo worried about it, tell them to adopt the child and look after him/her 24/7

Answer 17

If you feel you can not care for your daughter, then you obviously love her enough to give her what she deserves, even if that means having another family raise her. You know you can't take care of her, and know that she deserves to be taken care of.

If you family cares so much about her being apart of your family, then one of them can legally adopt her.

People who are adopted grow up fine. Better to be with a loving mother/father, than to be with one who couldn't give her the love and attention a child deserves and needs.

Answer 18

If you have a loving supportiv famiy you should keep your child.  Adoptees feel abandoned and unloved.  Is  that what you want you child to feel?

Answer 19

You need to talk with some adopted children/parents. See if there are any support groups in your area.

there are plenty of "non-traditional" families these days; ask them if their stepparent is less than their parent, becuase they aren't blood-kin.

Ask an abused child if blood is better than love.

If your family is so concerned, get them to write up a plan of how they will help you cope and make them sign it like a contract. In fact, call it a contract.

Talk to an outside counselor, with an adoption service (may be prejudiced in favor of adoption, but will help you.)or through social services.

Think in the terms of what's in the best interest of the child. Sometimes, love IS letting go.