Family help please, any advice will be helpful?

Question

Well to start off heres some background, im 22, my sister is 18 and just left for college, our parents divorced 6 years ago, mother moved 2 hours away and my sister and i have lived with our father( he had custody). My sister has been dating a complete d-bag for the last 8-9 months, he told my dad he didnt want to get in the middle of my sisters relationship with my dad. He has turned her away from my dad, along with my mom. My sister has started smoking, her bf and my mom smoke, and she use to be dead set against it. My mom says there is nothing wrong with her smoking. She has not ate a meal with me or my dad for atleast 3 months. She is always out with him. She moved to college this weekend and told my dad she didnt want his f-in help (word for word) dad has tried letting her do what she wants, tried being a hard *** (threaten to kick her out of the house about 3 weeks ago) My mom keeps tell her to do what she wants not to listen to my dad. I know this because she told me that. I recently told my mom i dont want to hear from her at all untill the two of them get stuff straightned out. My dad and i are just absolutely sick because we have lost our daughter and sister respectively. She will not talk to either of us, everytime we ask a question to her she snaps back with some smart *** comment. My sister and i use to be very close, she use to come over to my place and we would do everything together. Dont know what to do any advice would be very helpful. if you need something else explained please ask, just need help with this situation

Answer 1

I'm sorry to hear about this.  You must be hurting and missing your sister.

The thing is that there's not much you can do.  Not only is she 18 yr. old but your mom is also heavily involved (and not in a good way).  Sounds like your mom is a little on the immature side as well (sorry, but it does).

The only thing you can do is just wait and hope that your sister finally sees the light and misses you and your dad.  That, unfortunately, may take a while - a long while - until she finally grows up and sees how destructive she's being.  She says she doesn't want dad's help.  Then take her for her word and don't give her ANYTHING.  She's going to want him or his help eventually.  That goes for you too.  

Don't ask her any questions.  She'll only get mad and think you're prying or else lie to you anyway.  Time is your friend.  You were close once and the day will come when she'll come back to you.  Until then, embrace your relationship with your dad and be glad that one of your parents is supportive, loving and mature.

Good luck.  I can read the hurt here.  Wish I had a more helpful answer for you.

Answer 2

The thing is, if right or wrong, your sister is old enough to make her own decisions. You just have to hope one day she makes the right one.