Family inviting extended family to wedding and bridal shower.....very upset. Please read!!!?

Question

My sister and MOH called two of my aunts of my dads side of the family yesterday to invite them to my bridal shower and they went on to tell her that they will be inviting my cousin who happens to be in town, my great aunt who I have met once and is in her 90's, my cousins wife who I have never met, and a bunch of other members of my extended family who I neither know or get along with. My wedding is on a tight budget so we made sure to let people know that it was only going to be for immidiate family and close friends so my question is....isn't this extremely rude??? and how can I fix this? I am not a pushy person so it is very difficult for me to "tell people how it is" but this is getting on my last nerve and my MOH has threatened to give up her position in my line because my other bridesmaid (other sister) is the one who brought this whole thing up about inviting my aunts even tho they werent on my guestlist. Im going insane....please let me know what you think! Thanks

Answer 1

Since your sister and MOH made this mistake, it is their responsibility to fix it.  Explain to them that you cannot invite the extra relatives and that they need to call the relatives and apologize for the misunderstanding.

Answer 2

The first mistake was spreading it by word of mouth. Bridal showers invitation are sent via snail mail or email (like evite). The problem now is that it balooned up and you have no way of head counting how many are going to attend the bridal shower / wedding.

What you need to do is have your Bridesmaid and MOH find out how many exactly are coming. You might want to do a light snacking as opposed to serving real foods. Think Chips, cheese/cracker, sodas, sandwiches, and cookies or sheet cake for dessert. You do not have to do the works like heavy foods.

Those who weren't invited to your wedding, you'll have to offer an apology. As hurtful as it is, you didn't count of them coming to the wedding or the headcount has already been done.

Why your BM sister invited your aunt that isn't on the wedding list baffles me. She and the MOH should have consulted you first before making all these phone calls. You want to be able to enjoy your shower w/o upsetting anyon

Good Luck. I hope you can work out the mess.

Answer 3

Sit down with your sister and tell her that you simply cannot afford these extra people.  Explain that each extra head is $xx (if you know, this gives you more ammo) and that you just don't have that kind of money, even for one or two extra.  If she would like to fork over the cash for the extras tell her that she may do so, but that you were very careful in planning and budgeting and this coming out of left field would really be devastating to your bank account.

Apologize and tell her that you will not be sending invitations to these extended family members.  If necessary, call up the extras yourself and explain that your sister mistakenly invited them and that you are sorry they can't be part of your day but that space and budget force you to limit the event to immediate family only but that your sister wasn't aware of the full story.

Answer 4

Hold up, people that weren't on the guest list for the wedding were invited to the shower. That is not cool at all, and your sister shouldn't have done that. Also, it is rude on your aunts' part to invite people that have not received invitations.

I would actually have your sister call back and nicely uninvite those guests and let them know that since the wedding is a small intimate affair they won't be receiving an invitation. I know it sounds rude, but they should have never really been invited in the first place.

She could say, "we'd love to have you celebrate at the shower, but unfortunately since the wedding is a small affair we had to keep the guest list low." Maybe as a nice gesture you could invite the aunts to the wedding but make sure they know that there is no room for additional guests and you will be putting them down for an RSVP of 1.

Answer 5

You've got to stand your ground, girl. You don't have to be rude about it, but explain the truth -- that weddings are expensive, you're on a tight budget, and it's too late to RSVP. Period.

Or ask them to send you a check first, so you can have them without breaking your budget.

Answer 6

What I'm gathering here is that your aunts invited all these extra people, correct?

That's incredibly rude. They are not in charge of either event and to just assume they're invited in wrong.

You need to have your sister and MOH call these Aunts back and tell them that unfortunately the guest list is limited for both events because of budget the venue size, and they won't be receiving an invitation. They should apologize and end with, "I hope you understand."

End of story.

Answer 7

You're going to have to be honest with them and tell them that you can't afford that many people and you find it inappropriate that they went and invited other people despite your rules. If they don't like it then tell them they can chip in and help you pay for those extra people. If they start to threaten you then they're not really family are they? They seem selfish and in their minds this isn't about you -- sounds like it's more about them. If they decide to complicate your plans and things begin to get out of hand, just have the ceremony without them. A simple ceremony isn't as bad as you think.

Answer 8

Sit down, talk to them and ask them if they intend to pay for the people they are inviting. If they are - no problem. If they are not, you need to be very firm in explaining that your guest list is limited, and that every "addition" needs to be cleared with you first. If having these extra people puts you way out of your budget, you may have the unpleasant task of calling them up and explaining the situation. Most folks understand having a set wedding budget, and will not hold a grudge against you. But you need to be firm with your sis and MOH - don't let them walk all over you.

Answer 9

At a bridal shower, the bride is the guest of honor and no matter how honored she feel she is still a GUEST, not a host. Hosts are in control of guest lists and responsible for expenses. If the bride's family wishes to "help" the hosts with expenses, prep, clean up, etc, then hosts are free to accept or refuse this help. The host may not incur further expenses and then demand further financial help to cover those expenses.

In short, if the MOH is the host then she can invite whoever she wishes but may not expect others to cover the extra expenses involved.  

Answer 10

Yes, that's a tough one.  Generally you only invite those women who are going to be wedding guest.  Otherwise its like telling them that they aren't good enough for the wedding but the shower is ok.

It may be too late to do anything if she already invited them, but you can give them each a little card and thank them for coming and you will pass along the wedding photos once they are back since you are unable to have the big wedding and invite everyone.  Its a bit of damage control.  

Answer 11

I am sure they will all bring gifts, so let them come and serve cheaper food!

Answer 12

If you can't stand up and tell them how it is, I'd ask my MOH to deal with it for me.  That's kinda what she's there for!! Just explain to them that you are on a tight budget and can't afford any more guests.

Good luck, and do it now before anyone actually gets invited...