Family members giving money to your child?

Question

I give my 7 year old £1 every Saturday, provided she has been reasonably good. If she misbehaves enough, she doesn't get the money. She loves her pocket money, and it works an excellent incentive to behave (she is very sad when she doesn't get it). She also enjoys saving it so she can buy something she's spotted, it helps her learn to add the money, too.

But, her father then turns up and gives her a handful of £2 or £1 coins. Suddenly, no more saving, she can go straight out and buy it! If I've withheld her £1 for bad behaviour, now it doesn't matter, she's got loads from him.

He also keeps giving her money from his parents. The other day he came here and gave her £23 from his mother! She hadn't had her pocket money from me that week, for misbehaving in the shops.

I'm getting really annoyed about this.

How do you handle things like this?

My own parents give her money sometimes, too, but it's not silly amounts, it'll be a pound or two, and they always check with me before they give it.

Should I take the money off her and put it in a piggy bank, just letting her have what I think is necessary?

Answer 1

i think you should take the money off her till she's good then give her it .

Answer 2

Open her a savings acount. You tell her that her pocket money is for her to spend or save or do what ever she likes with now. Money from Daddy or Grandma and Grandpa can be put into her bank acount and she can spend it when she goes to university.

She doesn't need that much money at seven. I remember what I did with my  money at that age. Let's just say that  Ã‚£30 of Irn Bru is ot much for a seven year old to drink in one week.

Answer 3

I think your system sounds really good, obviously her paternal g'parents want to spoil her so maybe you could explain to them and her dad that they can still treat her but to save it for b;day and xmas as you have the pocket money system which works well for discipline and teaches her the value of money.

Keep on with your system, its alot better way of getting good behaviour and teaching her about consequences than giving her sweet treats or punishing her more harshly.

Answer 4

Talk to her father and let him know about this.   I would let her buy some silly things with a small amount of money and the rest she needs to save.  I know she is still young but you need to teach her how to save now that way she will grow that habit for later in life.

Answer 5

I think you should talk to your husband and let him kno that he is undermining everything that you are teaching your child...It's really a problem that you and he should discuss..Yea, and u should definitely take some of that money away for safe-keeping, because you know children always lose everything...let her have a few pounds at a time, but only if she's good...also, don't have this conversation with your husband or his parents around the child.

Answer 6

I would maybe have a chat with her father and maybe say something like, if you have money for her, can I have it and then you can use it in her best interest or save it for her.  Maybe tell your daughter you have some money for her and she can decide if she wants to save it or spend it on something.  But i wouldn't give it to her off hand.

Just a suggestion!

Answer 7

I would then tell her father to give those things as a gift, and not just as handing over pocket change, because if he would do it that way, it will teach her values which I'm sure he'd respect you for asking. As for grandma, good luck, they will spoil them rotten because they want the kids to remember them, and they don't have to put up with it when you see a $20 toy they are screaming for that you can't afford!

Answer 8

you need to set rules...you are the one in full responsibility of her upbringing and so allow her father to set her up a bank account and get him to check with you that it is ok for her to have the money that set week, if she hasn't behaved then get him to put it in the bank for her...tell him that when she has been good he can take it out as he pleases and let her have a treat out of it, but only as a reward for good behaviour...other wise you are fighting a losing battle and the child will be the one to suffer...failing that if he doesn't want to be responsible for the bank get him to agree that you do it...if you can stay on good terms with her dad and get him to co-operate in this that would be great

Answer 9

You should tell her father to give the money to you, or to at least check with you if it's alright to give it to her.

If he knows you use her pocket money as a reward for good behaviour and a punishment for being naughty,he should respect that, after all, it is in his daughters best interest!

You're trying your best here, and he should at least give you the respect you deserve for doing it!!