Family problem... mother and I.. please help?

Question

My mother volunteered to watch my 4 month old son who is getting over the phnemonia(sp?) while I am in between babysitters. She called me the next day and told me she couldn't watch him anymore because my sister who has 2 kids needs "more help," than I do and she's going to keep her kids instead. (she lives with my sis, but my sis had another sitter. her keeping my son was temporary, only for 2 weeks max.) she always complains my sister will not pay her and she does alot... I agree to pay my mother for keeping my son once she volunteered.

So after she backed out... I told her very calmly and respectfully, "I am not mad at you. You do what you have to do. I am disappointed because you gave your word, but I am not mad because I know the Lord will make a way."

She begins yelling, tell me she didn't give her word... blah blah... and gets and attitude. I again told her I wasn't mad.. so she tells me shes going to see if my sis will change her mind and if the other sister can keep my sisters kids. she tells me she'll call right back... 3 days pass...

My mother and I don't have the best relationship because she wasn't in my life until the last 4-5 years. We are trying to build a solid relationship, but it seems like she's always letting me do. Though, I had never told her this.

I decided why should I go around feeling sad, and that it was time to address the disappointments I have felt through out my life in regards to her. I am driving in DC and I have my best friend of 13 years call my sis to let her know I am stopping by. she doesn't answer so I call my mom... she says ok, not a problem. Then she calls me back in 2 min and asks what did I just say... I tell her I am stopping by because I need to talk to you and my sister... she says for what... and I say in regards to the baby, but not really.. and before I could say anything else... she was cursing me out... "I didn't give you my mother f*** word," "don't come over here with no bulls***" all types of stuff. I felt completely disrespected. I have do nothing but give her respect in life.

so my sis calls and asks what happen and I tell her and I go on to say that I will not be around for awhile because I can't be around our mother... she tells me she doesn't understand why. I tell her that I can't have that around my child, and that I will not except that... my sis tells me I don't really know my mother and I tell her she's right... she tells me that our mother calls her b**** in front of her kids... and I tell her well I will not accept that we are suppose to treat each other with love and respect... she finally says she understands what I am saying and "feels it."

Later that night I felt a tug on my heart that was letting me know don't give satan the joy of the division and not helping your mother get saved... I asked the Lord what I should do and I'm still waiting on my answer... I believe I know that I should address the issue but I don't know how... I kind of believe this is a time to be still and he hasn't told me right away because some time needs to pass... but I could be misinterpreting...

(my mother used to be on drugs and living in the streets... her life and morals are kind of by the streets way of life)

please help...

* 27 minutes ago

* - 3 days left to answer.

Additional Details

26 minutes ago

*other sitter to keep my sis kids.

*she's always letting me down.

24 minutes ago

it was 9 something at night when I was going to go over. I have went over my sisters house much later before. My mother also said she didn't feel go and didn't want to hear no bulls***.

20 minutes ago

yes, afterward I felt I'd rather her not keep my child. I do not curse, or agree with all of her ways of life.

She cursed me so bad... I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy... I just don't know where to go from here.

8 minutes ago

I don't want her to provide care.... but I don't know how to resolve the issue with her... if at all.. She needs direction.... she started going to church because she liked my church... I took her.. now she doesn't go because I don't take her... maybe..

I feel like my sis is also distant now because me and our mother dont' talk..

Answer 1

give it some time, god will show you the way.

even after that i would not ask her to watch your child though, from the circumstances i wouldn't want that around my child.

remember that you lead by your actions and if she did live on the streets trust is a hard thing to give and love even harder. sometimes people do things like that trying to push you away subconciously . not that they don't know what they are doing but they don't necessarly know why they do it.

all you can do is show her love despite her actions (not that you should allow yourself to be treated badly) but let her know you love her anyway. do not place blame. just show love.

Answer 2

What a shame and a heart breaker.

Here are a few scriptures that might make you feel better and help you.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7   Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort.  Who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.  If we are distressed, it s for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your

comfort, which produces in the patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.  And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Read 1 John 3:11-24

The above two scriptures are on compassion.  If your mother lived on the streets for so long, the language she speaks is what she is use to hearing.  She needs to learn how other people talk.  That does not mean you should have her around your son because you do not want those type of words to be spoken by him.

These next scriptures are about quarreling:

1 Corinthians 3; Ephesians 4:1-6, 4:15-5:2; 2 Timothy 2:14-26 and James 4:1-12.  

In the letter to the Corinthians and also to Ephesus he is talking about the church but also to our relationship to people.

These next verses are about judging others.  This is something we deffinately do not want to do.

Matthew 7:1-3  "Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the masure you use, it will be measured to you.

1 Corinthians 4:1-5

James 2:1-13  These verses are about favoritism is forbidden.  Talks about a rich man coming in with fine clothes and a poor man coming in with rags.  We are not to honor the rich man over the man in rags.

These next scriptures are on proffanity:

Ephesians 4:29-32  Do not let any unwholesome talk come our of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

  

James 3;1-12  

Hope these scriptures help.  Blessings  

Answer 3

Families, my goodness. You can't live with them and you can't shoot them.

Get another sitter and block your mother's number from you phone until she calms down.  

Answer 4

I don't know why people do not do it but they should do it and it usually works wonders. TAPE HER. Record how she talks to you and play it back for her. Sometimes it is the only way someone understands the harshness of their words, with real proof, in their own voice.

My elderly mother is not as well as she used to be and was getting very grouchy and would nag the grandchildren. She denied she was getting like that so I had her listen to how she talked to them and she was very shocked and very sorry.

If your mother hears the tape and does not care then face the reality  and try to move on. It would be unfortunate for your children to be exposed to that behavior.

Answer 5

Ok.. I'm not telling you to give up on her but if you have done all you can to make peace and come to terms with her and she still acts the same way then maybe you think about telling her that you'll always be there for her but communication has to stop. I say that because you have to think of your kid(s). if they are around that kind of language and harsh love then they'll grow up thinking that its ok to handle things that way, and also don't let that get you down because the bible says if you have truly forgiven someone and they won't accept your apology then its on their head.(paraphrased)... You can't change anyone. Like the saying goes you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink...