I've always had a lot of problems with my parents and lately it's become a lot worse. I don't know where to start..they get angry over the littlest things and ever since I can remember all they do is yell at me and hit me for "misbehaving". Not just spanking, they would hit my legs and arms with chopsticks and such (kind of old-fashioned chinese parents). I've been spending time with my friends' families and they are nothing like mine. They actually seem loving and caring, something I've never known in my family. My parents are controlling and threatening. When I walk into a room it goes silent and when I go back to my room I can hear them talking about me. My weight, hair, skin. It's been going on for years and I would stand at my doorway crying. When they see me crying they think I'm just a baby or being stupid. I remember when I was around 5 I told them I had a headache and instead of worrying or asking what happened, they started laughing at me, saying that someone my age couldn't get headaches. They say home is somewhere where you can feel comfort and be safe, but for me this is not the case. If I get a pimple my mother always has to comment about it, asking me why I have a pimple, when acne is normal at my age (I'm 15). You know those days where you feel fat and just not at your best? I feel bad enough already but somehow my mother always manages to make me feel worse. They are not nice people at all. When I want to do something special for my friends, my father says having friends is a waste of time and I should save my money. I have no privacy whatsoever, so I stay in my room and try to keep the door closed as much as possible. they take this as if there is something wrong with me, and it's MY fault that I feel they don't care about me. They are never willing to spend any money on me, but they buy my brother whatever he wants. My mother always says that if I go out with her she'll buy me whatever I want, but whenever I ask for something, she says no, and I don't ask for much.
The other day I got really mad at my mother because she did something that she KNOWS I get mad about all the time, and I've told her again and again, but she doesn't listen. She refused to apologize, so I have been giving her the silent treatment. Then, she gets mad at me for being mad at her -.- She starts yelling at me threatening to disown me. She thinks I am ungrateful and selfish, which is not the case. I even told my dad that all I wanted from her was an apology, but I don't know if he told her. Either way, she wouldn't apologize. I asked them for money for back to school shopping, but they wouldn't give me any. NONE at all, but they gave my brother money. I really feel like Why? Why did God put me with this family? They don't care enough about me to provide for me, and my mother threatened to stop giving me lunch money and she won't make me lunch either. So she wants me to starve? I think it's obvious she doesn't care about me.
Like I said, she threatened to disown me and that I should no longer count myself as a part of this family, when I already don't feel that I am. I honestly, truly don't love them at all. I don't consider them family, they are just people I live with. How can I love someone that has just yelled at me and hit me my whole life? How do they expect me to like them? Am I wrong? I don't know what to do. I try to get out and just take a walk or something to get away and clear my mind, but I get in trouble for "going out without telling them", which doesn't make sense at all! I am responsible, I don't do drugs or alcohol and I don't hang around with the wrong crowd. I get straight A's in school, and I've never done anything bad to make them not trust me. I cry about this every night and think about running away or killing myself. The only thing I need from them is money..but the only thing I ever wanted was love and acceptance.
What am I supposed to do? These are not people you can talk to. They'll just yell at me or laugh at me some more.
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