Famous funny life quotes! plzz help?

Question

Hey, i need to find two good quotes that are famous. They need to be about life itself and that are a bit funny but not too funny if u get me!

i reallly neeeed some good ones!

Please help!

Thanks soooo much in advance :)

mwah xx

Answer 1

He'll regret it to his dying day, if ever he lives that long

- Frank Nugent

Answer 2

"Life is far too important to be taken seriously." - Oscar Wilde

"Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun." - Woody Allen

"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers." - Homer Simpson

"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." - Will Rogers

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." - Herm Albright

Answer 3

"Life is like a B-movie.  You don't want to leave in the middle of it but you don't want to see it again."

Ted Turner (b. 1938) International Herald Tribune (Paris, 2 March, 1990)

Life is what happens while you are making other plans."  

John Lennon (1940-80) beautiful Boy," from the album Starting Over (1980)

Answer 4

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Winston Churchill

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Mark Twain

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Douglas Adams

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Albert Einstein

Answer 5

I hope these can help

"Practice makes perfect but nobody's perfect"

"How can you face the problem if  your problem is your face?"

Good luck !!!