Famous quote about adoption...?

Question

Does anyone know the wonderful definition about adoption that goes something like this....

When a mother births a child the child grows under her heart.

When a family adopts a child, the child grows in their heart.

Or something like this.

Anyone?

Answer 1

i know you probably see positive in this message but it's hurtful to both natural and adopted children.

to the natural childern it says your not as special as my birth children.

and to the adoptee it just doesn't make sense. or at least not to me. how could i have grown in anyones heart when they didn't know me to begin with. not to mention in my situation i never grew in their hearts. not even sure why they adopted me in the first place. maybe i grew in their heart like a cancer cause whatever i grew it wasn't love or it doesn't feel that way anyway.

it sounds nice to some people that really don't know but their just isn't anything really nice about this saying.

Answer 2

The statements below are my opinion.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and interpretations.

A birth mom shouldn't feel slighted by this poem.  I don't think it was intended to degrade or ignore her.

This poem is intended to show a child that has been adopted that he/she is loved as much as if he/she were a biological child to his/her parents.  

First of all, is there really a situation where a birth mom would read this poem?  I don't include it in the pictures that we send to her, it isn't the letterhead on my stationary.  

Is there really any difference between this poem and all of the entries in a baby book about the pregnancy?  I have looked, and I have never found a baby book that I liked that didn't include all of these things.

Answer 3

i agree that is a putrid poem

Answer 4

I think you are looking for this -

Not flesh of my flesh,

Nor bone of my bone,

But still miraculously my own.

Never forget for a single minute,

You didn't grow under my heart - but in it

- Fleur Conkling Heylinger

However please keep in mind that many adoptees and first parents find this saying/poem to be pretty yucky. Its one of those poems to make aparents feel good without so much taking into consideration the feelings of the other two sides. Yes, I know some adoptees are gonna think its nice, of course not everyone is going to feel the same way about everything. I just wanted to alert the questioner to the fact that his/her adopted children may be ones who think its yucky.

I've also known of a few aparents who told their little adoptees this saying and the kids actually believed they grew inside their aparents hearts and were totally confused.

Answer 5

I think the quote goes more like this"-

"You were not born UNDER my heart, but IN my heart", at least that is the way I have heard it.  To me, so very true. I have adopted children of all races and had one pregnancy.  I feel no different towards my five adopted than I do my pregnancy.

As my five children were growing up I heard quotes like " These are my two biological children and these are my two adopted".  I would always say "Let me intoruce you to my children."   Now, when I see the children of the parents of the first quote, they are unhappy, needy children who are confused.  When I look at my family, they are loving, wonderful adults because in every word I said, I looked at them as ALL being my children.  I loved ALL my children from the moment I saw them (the oldest was five months, the youngest, one hour and the others seven days.)   To me, children are children are children. To me, blood doesn't make a difference, to me, color doesn't make a difference. I am so grateful for ALL my children, who are now adults and have their own children.  I am the grandmother of 10, all interacial and all very happy.  

One hint to those wanting to adopt.  ALWAYS let your children know they are adopted, right from the get go.   It is a blessing, and they should know it from a young age.

Answer 6

All I know is that I didn't grow in anybody's heart.  I grew in a uterus.  

To suggest anything else, especially to a child is just...well...it's just creepy.

Answer 7

It's not a wonderful definition.

It's quite vomitrocious.

Answer 8

This poem is a big ick for some of my friends who are adopted persons.  I think that one of the answers explained why very well.

If I were a first parent, I would be outraged if the adoptive mother read this to my child.  The poem aborts the love of the first mother.  It teaches the child that the first parent was merely a uterus.  As a bio parent, I find it insulting.  Yes, I bore my children under my heart, but I also bonded with them in my heart - before and after giving birth.

I don't think that this poem does anything for the child.  Rather it fulfills the adoptive parent's need to secure their position as the only parent.