Father's Permision to Marry Daughter?

Question

Do you have to ask a girl's father for permission to marry his daughter these days? What is your opinion?

Answer 1

Nothing is stopping you, but make sure you have the girl's permission first. And it does sound a bit ridiculous to me, if she's, say, a twentysomething woman you've been living with.

Answer 2

If I were the fiancee I might prefer that you ask for his blessing rather than his permission. The last does make it sound a bit as if she's a chunk of real estate you're planning to buy, not an actual human being.

Answer 3

Nowdays not as often but some men still ask for the fathers permission as a sign of respect, especially if its a case of following tradition. My partner did not ask my fathers permission but he had indicated that he may propose and my dad literally told him to ''go right ahead, take her...she's all yours''  I was a little offended but I knew he was joking.  

Answer 4

No, not for permission if you are mature adults.

However, asking for a 'blessing' - or basically a stamp of approval, is still a very nice respectful thing to do.

Answer 5

No. Only if she respects her father or is close to him. Otherwise you could be giving him an honor that he doesn't deserve.

Answer 6

It depends entirely on your relationship, and your fiancee's relationship with her father. I love my dad dearly but would not expect my future husband to ask my father's permission, and neither would my dad. He raised me to be independent and make my own decisions, and he would never consider me a piece of property to be married off at his blessing. Don't get me wrong, I still want him to walk me down the aisle and do all those traditional things, but I could care less if my fiance asks him first before proposing to me.

What I do think would be nice is my fiance asking after the proposal - not for permission, but for the blessing of both my parents.

Answer 7

probably. if he says no propose anyway. its the daughters decision.

Answer 8

no you don't have to!

but Wow my fiance did and it ment a lot to me! I'm sure my dad loved it too!

Answer 9

This is a very personal issue and different people will give you different responses, as you can see from your answers here.  For some families, it is considered a sweet gesture, even if antiquated.  For others, it is considered misogynist and offensive.  You really need to ask your girlfriend (in a subtle, roundabout way) what she wants.  She will be your best guide to the 'rules' in her family. This is just the first step into her family dynamics of many to come.  You will spend many years learning how to navigate the waters of her family relationships.  You'd best get used to asking her advice and following it!

I told my fiance in no uncertain terms that if he asked my dad before he asked me, the ring would be coming straight back at him, and at high velocity too.  Personally, I find it an offensive, degrading tradition.  I'm not chattel and my father does not make decisions for me.  She may feel differently.  

Answer 10

I think it is wonderful to do so.  But no it is not necessary.

When my son was about to be engaged he asked for permission.  He never talked to us if this is something necessary to do.  First of all  both his father and I were very proud of him for doing this.  Second I have heard her father comment on how much he respected my son for doing so.  Made me feel we did a good job bringing him up.

It is a very respectful thing to do.  Good idea to start off on the right foot.  So I say YES, go for it.  

Answer 11

I would subtly find out what your girlfriend and her father's views are on this issue beforehand. If you asked my father I would be offended- it's treating the woman as though she were a piece of property. My father has the same view on the issue and wouldn't be too pleased if a man asked him permission to marry me! Some people will argue that it's respectful to ask the father but in our family's case it is disrespectful, which is why I would recommend trying to find out their views first.

If you really want to ask him something then to be on the safe side ask for his blessing rather than permission.

Answer 12

You don't have to.....mine didn't. But, then again, he was going to because we had a family party planned earlier in the day, but, his plans got de-railed b/c when we showed up, my brother announced that he just asked his gf to marry him the night before. (so my guy didn't want to take away from my brother's day)

Answer 13

I think it's a bunk idea. If the girl in question expects you to, I'd question her independence.  

Answer 14

No. you don't have to.

I think you would have to look at how conservative or old-fashioned your gf and her family are.

Is it something they would like and expect?  Will she think you are treating her like property?

All of that needs to be taken into consideration.

You can always go to both of her parents just to "let them in" on the surprise and get their blessing.. that seems more common now.

Answer 15

Each situation is different, I don't think there is an exact norm anymore on whether you should ask her father or both parents.

My co-worker, for example,  went and asked his gf's parents for permission and she is 30, living on her own with her own career, I thought it was silly because she doesn't live with her parents or are supported by them, but he wanted to be respectful and take the traditional route and they appreciated that.

When I got engaged, my fiance didn't talk to my parents and I asked them later if that bothered them. They told me no because it's not their answer that matters, it's mine. So everyone is different and I think you have to take a look at the person's family to decide what is the best way to approach it.

Answer 16

i think it shows to the father that you respect his opinion on getting married and i think its a very good thing to do. yes people do it, just not as often as it used to happen.  

Answer 17

No, you don't have to. Only a very few people I know today would consider it necessary, many people would consider it anitquated or unnecessary, and most women I know consider it misogynist or treating them like property.

Personally, I'm going to agree with what some other people on here have said - ask for the parents' (both of them!) blessing instead. Because if the father says 'no', are you really not going to propose to her? Asking for their blessing is basically saying "I'm going to ask your daughter to marry me, and I'd like your support". Plus, that way, you can also have the parents help you keep it quiet if it's going to be a surprise, or whatever (ie, if you want to surprise her when she gets home, etc).

Answer 18

No, you don't have to.  I was 29 when my fiance asked me to marry him so it wasn't like my parents were supporting me but I thought it was a wonderful gesture of respect to my parents that he did ask them.