Father has affair with cooperation from other family members...

Question

I would like to get your opinion on this quite personal subject. In the past, my father actively sustained an extra-marital affair from a distance with another woman (she is overseas) with the knowledge and full cooperation with my aunt (his older sister). My aunt completely cooperated and at times even acted as a middle entity between my father and the other woman. And now my parents are divorced and I am feeling deep anger towards my father and Aunt. Even though my father has re-married with yet another woman, I strongly feel like that if my Aunt had only acted properly during the first affair and advised my father correctly regarding family matters, my family unit would still be united.

Answer 1

see your aunt shouldent have helped or told your mom because if she told your mom they would still get divorced.. and helpign is also just wrong. but your aunt is closer to your dad because its his sister. the one who did big wrong is your father. so act like an a$$ to him so he will have to buy your love back :D

Answer 2

Of course what your aunt did was very wrong..but it is possible your father would have cheated on you mother even without your aunts help...your anger will serve no purpose at all , in fact it will make you very very unhappy. You should just let go of this and don't think   " If only "  thinking of the past , or what might have been , is really just dreaming..you're better of living in the present...try think of all the good positive things in your life...but if you really feel by telling your aunt and your dad what you really think of their behavior , will make you feel better ..then go for it..but don't expect anything from them...I think they are both painted with the same brush .

Answer 3

Just because they are adult in age, doesn't mean they always know better. There are people in their 50s and 60s who are as immature as those in their teens. They always have somebody else to blame for their behavior. They are always looking for the easy way out at other peoples expense. It's weak narcissistic behavior.  

Just accept that the people you love can lack the moral values you hold dear. Your family isn't always a good role model in life if they can't learn from their mistakes and do the right thing in the end.

Don't let their mistakes determine how you live your life. If you do, you give them so much more power than they deserve over you.  

Every generation is responsible for choosing their own destiny. Every generation is also responsible for learning from their own mistakes and the mistakes of their forefathers.  

Yeah, your Aunt and Father were irresponsible, selfish, and disrespectful of the people you love for doing what they did. Let him and her know how you feel, in no uncertain terms. You are ashamed of what they did and they hurt you deeply with how they hurt the people you loved.  

Apart from the emotional damage he caused, there is also the risk that your father could have unknowingly transmitted an STD (HIV, herpes, hepatitis, cancer-causing HPV) to your mother, thereby, jeopardizing her personal safety. That is an ultimate betrayal to a woman--infidelity.

Let him and your new step mom know that you are ashamed of his behavior. If he didn't love your mom. He should have either worked harder to communicate or been a man and divorced her BEFORE being with another woman. There are always consequences with divorce--kids, child/spousal support, people getting hurt--but at least you are showing your spouse respect and strength as a man and not wasting her time leading her on.

Love him anyway to the degree that he deserves in your heart as your father. Acknowledge that he knows little about respecting the women he loves. It will help him to know the consequences of his selfish actions.

This is a great resource I found that defines the different types of love. I always believe people should be educated in what love is before getting involved in a relationship. Both should have the same definition of what they want before they start moving forward together.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

Answer 4

I would feel anger too. Although the other bloggers have made some good posts I disagree with the whole leave it in the past and just move on and be happy.  That is much easier said then done. I believe you have to feel every bit of your emotion.   I don't speak with my father and haven't for over 20 years.  I don't miss him because he is not the person I thought he was.  I judge people for how they treat me and treat people I love regardless of what role they may have once played in my life.  Some people regardless of familial ties just aren't worth my time and effort.  It takes a lifetime to get respect and a moment to destroy it. Selfish narcissistic people just aren't worth it.

Answer 5

stop hating your father and aunt...life really sucks sometimes...in the right time you'll know...but for now just enjoy life without hate in you...everything happens for a reason...

Answer 6

time heals