Father has recently died, shoul I take incharge of the family?

Question

My father recently died 4 months ago

So my Mum has obviously been very upset aswel as the rest of the family. Also my Mum is pregnant with Twins so there is going to be a big family I all ready have two sisters and a brother. My older sister is working in australia so I am the oldest. Mum has been Lieing in alot Ive been walking my younger sister whos 8 to school and Ive been going on the metro to school with my brother. when i get back from school if Mums still in bed a make tea. she gets up at about 7 at night and reads my little brother and sister a story before there bed time. I if I wake up at night I can always here my Mum crying. We go to counciling sessions and they do help I think we need to get throught this together. I know this sounds strange... I loved my Dad but i havent been missing him as much as I thought I would he wasnt around much when I was little.

Answer 1

help out as much as you can.

my dad died about 6 months ago & it's been really, really hard.

you're going to have to help out your mom & try to stay positive for her.

no matter how hard it gets, keep a positive attitude.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry for your situation. And my heart breaks for your mom. But this is all still new honey to you and the rest of the family. It's only been 4 months. It's going to take some time for everyone to adjust. I know this has been hard on you trying to keep things together. But your mom needs you right now. Little by little I would try and get her to get on with her life. It's not your job to councel her, but just try and be there for her right now. And keep going to counceling. Thats important for everyone. My thoughts are with you and your family. I really do hope in time that things will get better. And in time they will. But it's still too soon right now for things to get better. Time will be a friend. Just have some patients ok. Good luck.

Answer 3

You are a very mature and responsible person for trying to do so much at 13. You will eventually grieve over the loss of your Dad, right now you are to busy doing things for your Mom and family. That said, I must suggest that you get family members (adults) involved in this situation. You cannot step into your father's shoes and be responsible for your 3 siblings, let alone two more when the twins are born. If there are no Trusted adult family members around, then seek out an adult your mother knows and trusts....she needs help, and you children need the security that only an adult can provide. I wish you luck and I will say a prayer that everything works out. The World needs more young people like you.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

I think you're probably too preoccupied with seeing to everyone else's needs to be grieving your father, and this is perfectly normal. All in good time, I think.

For your mother, it's only been 4 months, so right now what she's doing is understandable. Throw the hormonal cocktail of a pregnancy into the mix, and I think she's doing pretty well, all things considered.

And so are you, by the way. The counselling is good, and fair play to you for organising this. I don't think you need to consider whether or not you SHOULD take charge of the family, you are already in charge of the things that require immediate attention. Keep up what you're doing. And don't forget to have someone good to talk to outside of the immediate family circle - look up friends every now and again for a chat.  

Answer 5

You sound like you're doing a great job! Just remember to give yourself some "me time" you never know when or in what sort of way your grief might catch up with you. x

Answer 6

When you say you "Loved my Dad but I haven't been missing him as much as I thought" - that's possibly down to you taking on the role of your father, and rushing around doing all the tasks you listed.

You don't say how old you are, but I'm guessing if you stopped a while then you probably would miss your father.

Speak to your Mum about this, see what she says.  She's still the head of the family but it's likely she'll look to you for back-up and help, more so when the twins are born.

You are doing a top job, just don't do too much.  

Answer 7

Just pray to God for help, he will give you the answer.

Answer 8

Oh you poor dear, I am so sorry. I lost my husband and I can understand what she is going through, though I managed to get through with family help

Why you are not grieving as much as you thought is because you hadnt time to grieve, you are looking after the family.  Yes, in a way it is good for you to take charge of things to support your mum  you are a good son and supporting her well, but there will come a time when you need to get on with your life  your studies, your work.........and your mum maybe one day will marry again, then you may have given everything up only to feel 'pushed out' by another man who is nothing at all to do with your family.

I am pleased that your mum is receiving bereavement counselling, but she also needs to see her GP for something to get her over this bad period - do you go to a church or Mosque? A religious person helped me greatly.   She may be able to get help with the children - in addition to your help (you need to still be involved to help your grieving process) In this way you can continue with your life, your social time but still be well involved with family issues.

Also offer to help with sorting out her affairs ie banking, insurances, writing to family, ..... they are all issues difficult to deal with following a bereavement like this.  But Do keep in mind that this help may be temporary for 5 years or so - there will come a time when your mum may want to remarry and I dont want you to feel that the new man will be 'pushing you aside'  there will be two bosses in the house. Hopefully by then you will all be older and that you can all work together to help each other, but the first step will be to visit your GP. I wish you all the best   bsaowraha.

Answer 9

i lost my dad 6 months ago too.  i am actually too busy to grieve much at the moment much like you are, but every time i get a quiet moment i think of him.  i think you are busying yourself so you dont have to think about things.  it is wonderful how you are helping your family, but dont forget about yourself.  a 14 year old girl needs "me time" too!  you need to be able to chill and txt your mates and listen to music and do girly stuff.  honour your family, but look afteryourself too.  take care.