Father-in-law is a pedophile?

Question

My husbands father is a pedophile. We know of a couple instances (one involving my husbands half sister). My husband never really knew his dad. His dad spent several years in prision and then would occasionally stop by once my husband was 18. Anyway we have a 4 year old daughter and I feel extremely uncomfortable around him. He is married now (she's 20 years younger--go figure) but everyone, including his sister, believes he is harmless now. He rarely is around. Occasionally him and his wife will stop by (they are truckers). Anyways, she is never left alone with him, and she is shy so she doesn't really like to interact with him. But it bothers me, I would like to never be around this man at all! My husband is in denial. If it were anyone else he wouldn't let her near them. It causes big fights between my husband and I. Am I overreacting? The guy gives me the creeps. Sure he's nice, but I don't feel comfortable being around him knowing what I know.

Answer 1

Your number 1 priority is to protect and keep your daughter safe.  If you get that bad feeling, go with it.  He has a history and its well known rehabilitation for pedophiles are usually not successful.  Your husband may be reacting this way because he feels loyalty and appreciation to this man for raising him.  And your husband my not feel that his father would ever do anything to hurt his daughter.  Maybe you need to just stop discussing this with your spouse especially if it is causing conflict.  Just keep on keeping a close eye on her.

Answer 2

no u r not overreacting, if this is ur instinct then keep ur daughter away from this man! better safe than sorry! it may be hard because ur in a situation of conflict but u have to do everything u can to protect ur daughter if this is how u feel, it doesnt matter whether that man is ur father in law or a complete stranger, u should be wary of everyone when it comes to ur daughter & u cant be too careful especially if she is so young

Answer 3

Chill out, listen to your husband I am sure he knows hs father better than you do, don't be so judgemental. Just don't let the guy babysit or anything and tolerate him, big deal.

Answer 4

Your child senses something wrong about him.  This is not about you or your husband.   This man being his father has nothing to do with him being a pedophile.  Only a sick person would allow this man to be around his/her child.  Would your husband rather have something happen to his daughter for him to keep his sicko father away from her.  As a mother it's your job to leave with her when your father in law visits.  Let your husband entertain his father.  Better to be safe then sorry

Answer 5

when someone sexually offends like this, there is ALWAYS a chance they could re offend, however there is also a chance that he has reformed and is of minimal risk. I think you should be cautious around him with around your daughter, but also try to forgive and let him try to redeem his past actions...

Answer 6

Pedophilia is a sexual deviancy. It is actually more common than one might think. It is hard to assume complete "recovery", because this is something that could be greatly affected by the stimuli and factors involved in particular situations.

It is understandable that you would want to keep your daughter away from such a person, but you must realize that he has paid for his mistakes, and if you outright bar his involvement with your family, you could make it even more difficult for him to cope with his past mistakes, and could potentially push him to reoffend.

My advice is to calmly discuss things with your husband and reach a compromise, such as "sort-of-monitored" visits.

However, if your daughter shows no interest in meeting her grandfather, then it is not necessary for her well being to be under any risk at all.

Answer 7

Be careful. Never leave your daughter alone with him. You might wanna talk to a professional psychologist, cos the darker side of human nature always remains deep inside, even if we think we've changed. Compromise with your husband is the answer.

Answer 8

No you're not over reacting, Your just protecting your child from a dirty scankyyy hobo pervert. If i was you i would get you daughter away from him straight away, 'Once a criminal, always a criminal!!'. ...But i suppose you cant pick and choose when their family. Explain to your husband your insecurities, instead of arguing, maybe he will understand. xx

Answer 9

Ask your husband how he would feel if it were the other way around, and if it were your father who was the pedophile?

I'm not sure how your husband has come to the conclusion that his father is his friend. His father was not around while he was growing up. That is because his father had a choice between being there for his son and being a pedophile. He chose being a pedophile over being there for his own son.

I think your hunch is correct. It is fine to forgive, but forgiveness does not mean that a person has to let history repeat itself.

Answer 10

Once a pedophile always a pedophile.  Keep her far away from him.  A pedophile will always be nice to a potential victim to gain trust before he/ she abuses the victim.  And, if you and your husband are having fist fights about this then this should be taken to a higher level than yahoo answers... You probably need to get a counselor involved.

Answer 11

You are the parent here. I rather be safe and sorry. It's hard when your husband isn't on your side.

Answer 12

I think you are totally in the right here and just a little hint of advice God gave you that gut feeling for a reason Use it never doubt it... good luck

Answer 13

You are not overreacting at all. You need to keep away from him as much as possible, and protect your daughter and all the children you know from the man. He might have changed, but the risk is not worth taking.

Answer 14

I was molested for fourteen years by someone who my mother thought was harmless, even though I told her.  I think it's very hard to think badly about people that you love.

But the fact that they aren't threathen by him is because he is targeting them, only children.  

This man was very clever.  He would even manage to run his hands over men while other people were in the room, trying to make it look innocent.

You are doing the right thing.  Stand up for your children.

Answer 15

I understand your argument.  Sometimes people just get bad vibes from other people to begin with, and add to this the fact that he has done prison and seems to have a past with pedophilia, well that's definitely enough to drive you crazy!  But, you can't really stop your husband from letting his dad come around and try to interact as a family, especially if these thoughts, as rational as they are, are worrying you, and not so much your husband.  My suggestion would be to go out with your daughter when you think he might be visiting, and if his visit his longer, just stay close to your daughter, so you will have peace of mind, and being there vigilant, maybe you can find hard evidence that dad is acting innappropriately.  OR MAYBE...you'll find that he isnt doing anything wrong anymore.  Just stick close to your daughter, and try to keep an open mind.

Answer 16

No,you're not overreacting. You are just precaucious about it. Please be watchful. Take care of your daughter and don' t let anybody get close to her even your relative.

Answer 17

That might be our feelings but the man your talking about is your husbands father, so no wonder he is getting annoyed would you like him to ban your daughter from your father. Just dont let her be alone with him EVER but dont try to cut him out all together... it seems like he is rarely there so whats the big issue......... as long as you keep an eye on her with him then its fine. He wont have the chance to do anything and your husband will be happy... your making waves where waves dont need to be.

Answer 18

Please take care of ur daughter, dont let her go around that man no matter what or how many fights u have w ur husband. dont let her off ur sight. I was raped @ 9 by a pedophile uncle that my family never believed he would have done that and they r still in denial. pls take care of her. if any thing was 2 happen it can really hurt her and she will be traumatized for a long time. I'm 27 now and it was hard for me to understand and let that go it took a long time .

Answer 19

Well thats a tough one.

If it means that much to your husband and he truely believes thta he father has changed then for the sake of your husband i think you should at least try.

I know it must be hard on you , but you are not leaving them alone together, asking that of you would be too much and wouldnt be safe for a child anyway.

If you want to be happy with your husband you may have to just find ways to deal with his father as horrible as a past as he has.

Just continue to not  ever leave his father alone with the child and watch them carefully.

Answer 20

You are not overreacting.  You are protecting your daughter from a potentially harmful person.  Your husband may have "forgiven" your father, and the family may just sweep these things under the rug, but I wouldn't allow my daughter near someone that had a couple of instances, especially with his own child.