Father is a deadbeat and wants full custody of unborn baby, but doesn't want baby to begin with?

Question

I'm pregnant (5 weeks) and the father of the child is an absolute loser. He never graduated high school and I work with him at a radio station and we dated for 6 months. Long story short, he's currently mad at me for telling our manager that I'm Pregnant and we dated(i did it for my health with assumption of keeping the child) and he's mainly upset because the Manager is good friends with his ex girlfriend who he wants to keep happy in hopes to get a good reference through the manager. After that incident, he won't talk to me.

Before we discussed the child and although he wasn't so eager to have the kid, he wanted to help but after the incident he wants full custody of the child when its born but refuses to talk to me. His actions through all this made me realize how insane my life will be with the child.

The thought of abortion kills me but at the same time i feel that the child is left off better not born than brought into a world where the father is a loser

Answer 1

tell him to get a life your is great now his not there thanks you will do a great job all by your self and in less you are a total moron which i doubt there is no way on earth they will give custody to the farther   and no abortion is never better  tell him to go do one Hun his trying to get control of your life even after his out of it sounds like a stupid man to me

Answer 2

You need to have a proper conversation with the father.. If you can do that and work out what you want to do together it would be the best..

He might change his mind about certain things when the baby is born or when he sees a first ultrasound or sees your bump getting bigger and realises its a real life in there.. (Which is what I hope!)

From what it sounds like he just is angry and is saying things to upset you (like wanting custody of the baby) but do you honestly see him getting custody? majority of women get custody especially if the father is how you say he is..

Try to talk to him.. let him know you want what is best for the baby and you think the best is for YOU to raise him/her and if he wants to be in his/her life he needs to grow up and be more mature about this whole situation before you will let him take part..

Good luck!

PS - If the only reason you think hes going to be a loser dad is that hes a high school drop out.. its not true.. there are many guys that drop out of school and have children and are fantastic fathers.. (Just something to think about..)

Answer 3

honestly i think it was wrong on ur part to tell the manager you dated ur bf, i totally agree that you should've told him about the pregnancy but its none of your managers info knowing who the daddy is, or who you date, that's fratinization. i can see why the father of the baby is upset.

as for him he is being immature and a bit selfish and that's only because you havent talked to him properly without arguing. You guys need to stop discussing your pathetic problems...you guys are about to have a baby either you guys need to suck it up and work it out, or at least settle down on your owns without pointing fingers at one another. obviously he wants the child too, and it means something to him as well as to you....you guys seriously need to TALK THINGS OUT instead of arguing..

Answer 4

you could tell him it's not his kid, you could leave for Australia, your child might be better off without someone like that.

Answer 5

He sounds like a selfish, immature jerk. I had one of those too (still do, unfortunately) as the father of my daughter but at least we're on different continents.

First off, if he maintains his stupid attitude, don't discuss your plans with him or even talk to him, even if he decides he does want to talk to you after all. This will be absolutely necessary for your own mental health and peace of mind during your pregnancy, if you do decide to go ahead. (Believe me - I've been through the same situation and I ended up with a nervous breakdown at eight months pg. Do NOT risk that!)

Next, get right away from the whole set-up if you can. I would try to get a job elsewhere, although not away from your family and friends if they are being supportive. If you can't do that, just put up the "walls" as far as he is concerned.

Then think things through - discuss the situation with someone you trust if possible. You need to realise that unless you are ill-treating the baby or if you are a drug-user/alcoholic, he has no chance of getting custody. The worst a court will award will be shared access.

If you think you or he won't be able to deal with that, get away **now**!!! He might be able to legally prevent you moving after the child is born but if you take a job in another town and just go, he won't be able to stop you.

If you do end up in the same place as him, make sure you get all your legal rights with regard to child support, etc. From what I read, deadbeat fathers get thrown into jail if they don't pay in your country (I am assuming you're in the US!). My daughter's deadbeat lives in the US but I'm in Australia so our courts have no jurisdiction over him and he pays what he likes!

As far as abortion goes, you will get all the moral/religious activists telling you not to do it, but this is a totally personal decision that only you can make. You can seek counselling and other help but in the end, it's your body, your decision. Wish you lots and lots of luck either way!

Answer 6

ok its ure baby dont kill it... so wat if hes a loser that means you gotta abort ure baby?... you have a baby living inside you right now why would you wanna get rid of it?.... ure child wont go thru ne thing cuz ure gonna protect him/her.... who knows mayb things will change he just proberly handled it the wrong way... good luck

Answer 7

Sweetie plenty of us woman are raising children with loser fathers and the children are just fine.  You will be fine.  He won't get custody just take care of yourself and get your life together.  If he wants to fight fine just keep your head up and high and prove that you can do this without him.

Answer 8

I would take a short (1 month vacation) to a friend or family members house and have the baby there. At the same time finding out adoption procedures for that area. Make sure no one knows where you went to and it was a one night stand, got it?  So you dont know where the sperm donor is or what he is about.

Now you know why the old rule (that people try to forget in the moment of lust) to keep your panties up and knees crossed until you got before the preacher and you both have said I do.

Answer 9

Anything is better than abortion. Adoption is wonderful if you do not think you can support the child as it needs to be. If you want to keep the child there is support you can get from the state. This guy don't sound real good for you at all. Find someone you trust and ask them to help you get on your feet somehow. You need to know your options. Give your child the right to live his/her life, please.

Answer 10

I don't think abortion is the answer!!  It is very hard for the father to get custody unless you are proven to be unfit...In your case, I doesn't sound like he in the running for best parent..Good Luck!!