Father just re married. his wife is a spender. is she going overboard????

Question

she just got dad to buy a block of land by the beach for 300,000. he went ahead with it. i now he wanted to keep it in his super account but thats his wife so of course he went ahead with it to please her. now the thing is that dad told me early on that she was going to build a house on it and that the agreement was that it would be split 50/50 between her family and ours when they both die. if one is still alive then it is kept until they are both dead. OK. GOOD. but where is your 200,000 - 300,000 to build a house love? huh? the plans for drawings are almost complete so its all moving along fast. the thing is that i know she dont have that kind of money to build so im thinking she has told dad to just build and she will pay him later down the track or whatever. THE THING IS, that she has made it quite clear that she wants to split this thing with her sons and daughters if she and dad dies. is this fair that her side gets money from the house if they both die and she has put nothing into it? i think i want to kill her. it makesme hate her soo much that she is doing this. dad is 70 and she has just come into his life when he is 65. so u tellin me a lady can just come into a family mans life and take maybe one 3rd of his earnings and superanuation and 'just for being his darling' (which basically anyone could do caus love is just everywhere aint it?) and get him to spend 500,000 on a house and land so that she can sit there and say that they both bought it ?? and that because they bought it together that she is going to split it?? i dont like her motives here. yes they are inlove. yes he loves her. yes she loves him. BUT cmon i really dont like the fact that she can just waltz in and get some guy to buy a house and land and then claim that she wants to split it down the middle with her children when they are both gone. whats fair here? its a lot of money here guys. a lot of work he did to get this far in life. she also stated to me perinally that she was not marrying dad for money or anything and to quote her she said that what is his is his and mine is mine and she is not in it for the money but hey......oh its got me grinding my teeth...what do you guys think? u think its ok that her children gain in this just caus she put a ring on her finger and has probably taken him for a ride in bed for the last couple years? let me know your serious thoughts on what is ok and not ok here... typed this fast so sorry might be mistakes... cheers and peace

Answer 1

I think your Dad's an adult and can do what he wants to.  If your Dad's old-fashioned, he may just consider everything he buys for them to be owned by them.  My Grandmothers never worked and still owned half of whatever property was bought during their marriages.

The second issue here seems to be jealousy on your part.  Are you afraid of not getting any inheritance when your Dad goes?  The way you phrased some of this makes it sound like that's the real issue.  Your Dad can't take the money with him.  Let him enjoy it while he's still alive.

Answer 2

Wow, and how old are YOU?.....counting your inheritance before the ol man croaks, huh.....

Listen, she's his legal wife so his money is hers......and if he dies before her without a will then anything that was theirs is hers.......and she can dispose of anything that is hers in anyway she wants....

Oh well, fact of life.

Maybe if you didn;t cop the attitude you obviously have for her she might gift you with an inheritance too.....it's clear to me you resent Dad having a second go at love & marriage...well, you reap what you sow.....your crop is resentment and bitterness.

Answer 3

Grind away, but all you're going to get is dental bills. BUTT THE h**l OUT. Yeah. I know she's probably a gold digger, and maybe he's being foolish, and maybe it's going to play h**l with inheritance, and all that. I don't say butt out to save him grief or her grief of them grief or your relationship with him. I say it because if you don't come to let it be, it will eat you up, because - YOU CAN"T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. You really can't. Sorry. That's a fact.

(And it's the money, too, isn't it really. She messing with YOUR money. Bad ju-ju, counting on inheritance.)  

Answer 4

I learned many years ago, that it is really none of my business what my parents do.  Sure, I can speak my mind and ask what the heck they think they are doing, but in the long run, they are adults and they need to learn from their own mistakes.

Many years back, my Father was dating a woman who EVERYONE knew was a "gold digger".  When I told him this, he just defended her, so I shut up.  Months later, after she tapped ALL his credit cards, he admitted I was right and he was sorry he did not listen.  Thankfully, he ditched her.

Had I continued to harp on him about her, he might of gotten angry at me - that would have been worse than loosing out on anything he ever could of willed to me later down the road.  Money is NOT everything.  Having a good relationship with your Father IS everything.  Maybe he will figure her out, maybe he wont - stay out of it!  

Answer 5

I know you are worried about your father, but he is a grown man and he has to deal with his own "dealings" as he pleases.

Just trust your father in the fact that he knows what he is doing and hopefully protected his money when he gave it to her, like I hope he had her sign a contract.

Either way, he is your father, and you have to trust in the fact that he knew what he is doing, I understand you are angry, but is that really going to get you anywhere??

Just be supportive and happy for him and give him your blessings and let him know that you will always be there for him, through thick and thin.

Answer 6

I am sure your dad has a will drawn up to make sure you are taken care of .

The most important thing is that you spend time with him, have a good relationship  and love him no matter what he does.

He isn't gone yet and things can change.  So be patient, give him credit for being smarter then you may think he is and try to grin and bear it.

I agree with you that dad should leave most of it to his children . After all her children have a father and mother along with grandparents  that will take care of them when they are gone.  Why should your father have to provide for them.  

He should however provide for his wife  also.  She can do whatever she wants with her share , even if it is to give it to her children.

Let this go.  Don't let it ruin your life.  There is nothing you can do about it and if you persist you will look at bad as her.  Just sitting around waiting for him to die so you can all have his money.  Is that really what you want?

Answer 7

She married him it's her money now to you need to make your own instead of waiting on daddy to give it to you.

3 cheers to your new Mom  

Answer 8

She sounds greedy....

What in the heck is your dad thinking???

Answer 9

It is your dad's money to spend as he wants. It is not yours and may

never be. Let him enjoy a beach house. He worked for his money.

Did you talk to your father about this situation? Voice your opposition

to him and not us.

Answer 10

You have that kind of money and you come on here to ask?  You make that kind of money but your grammar and spelling needs work?

Answer 11

ok first, butt out of ur father's marriage. what he does in it is none of ur business

secondly, THEY ARE IN A MARRIAGE!!!!! that means 2 becomes one, whatever money they have is theirs together, there is no name stamped on it.

if ur father is fine with it, then accept it and move on.  am sure ur father is not stupid, as long as he puts it in their will u should have no problem with it.

Moreover, y r u counting ur inheritance already. ur dad is not dead yet. thats the thing wrong with pple these days, a family member dies and everyone is thingkin of their inhertiance instead of grieving

NOW...

READ THIS CAREFULLY!!!!!  

if u keep butting in n they separate, THEY WILL BLAME YOU!!!!

Answer 12

My father did the same, and yes, he died.  And all his money went to his wife.  He also told us that the money was to be left to us after they were both dead.  Well, one week after my father died his house was on the market.  And yes,  doubt very much that we will ever see a penny - not while her children are there.

It's the way of the world and life.  There are no guarantees in this life.  You could ask your father to make a will and state his position, but to do that opens up yourself to suspicions of greed.

I think you have to accept that the money is you fathers and not yours.  And love him while you have him.

I would like to see a law passed that protects the children from former marriages, but that will deprive a person of their own judgement about how they want to leave their money.

It is unfair, but that is the way it is.

Answer 13

She is his wife now it is their money to do as THEY see fit.. If i were her i would have his will brought up to date right away and who ever in the family crossed me i would use my body and soul to see them out of the will..

Answer 14

You father is a well grown man. It's his decision. It may not be fair to you, but...oh well, its his money, his decision. If he loves her, then he probably loves her family as well. It is not wrong for him to want to provide for more people.

You have every right to discuss this with your father, but....it really isn't up you.