Fatherless?

Question

I'm sixteen years old and i grew up not knowing who my biological father was. i haven't even met the guy but i already hate him. he left my mom when he found out she was pregnant. we didn't receive any support from him whatsoever. recently, my mom told me that he's been keeping touch with her and that he wants to meet me. what to do?!

Answer 1

d**n thats really hard to say.... i mean what you feel... are you curious on meeting him? if you are maybe you should try to meet him but i mean its only if you want and if you feel comfortable...

just think about it

i wish you luck =]

Answer 2

if he's been keeping in touch then maybe he's concerned..maybe he's just as scared as you are..i think you should at least give a chance...start off slowly..mybe friends and work slowly..be honest with him...he'll understand and if it doesn't work out then at least you tried...

Answer 3

So your mom has known where this guy is and hasn't asked you if you wanted to try to contact him before this?

I promise you, I understand why you hate your father.  I grew up without one for nearly the same reason as you, and then he died when I was ten.  Now that I'm older I have so many questions for him that I wish he was here to answer.  So please, if you have the chance to, meet this man, ask him what you want to ask, tell him what you want to tell him... so that you won't have any regrets.

Answer 4

Have you talked it over with your mom?  What does she think?  

I'm not defending his actions, but there are 2 sides to every story, and he may have an explanation that would help you understand more of what happened and why.  

Hating a parent is a serious burden to bear.  Be sure he deserves it and that is what you want to feel.  Otherwise, lead with your heart...

Best wishes from someone who has been there...

Answer 5

I know what you are going through.  My father left us when I was only five.

As hard as it may be for you to do so, I think you should meet him.  You need to tell him how you feel about what he did.  This will give him an opportunity to make things right with you.

It will also help you to rid yourself of the anger that you feel inside towards him, which is a good thing because anger can really create a lot of problems for a person.  So it will help to produce a healing effect.

It may even be a good idea to confront him while your mother is present.  The both of them should know how you feel.  It may even prove to cause some emotional healing to take place between all of you.

Answer 6

I would do what you feel comfortable with! I would maybe meet him once.. just to give you closure! and if you absolutely hate him... you dont ever have to see him again!

But I know deep down... you do want to know who your real father is!

Answer 7

Put it into perspective.

When your mom got pregnant, he was probobly young, and scared. Who wouldnt be? But he made the decision to run from responsibility, right? Well, then, he may have thought of it as the right thing to do, but now he relizes that he made a mistake and is trying to fix it. Atleast he is trying to contact you, and making an effort to make it up to you, because some never do. I understand your hate, but for your sake, and your father and mother's sake, give him a chance

Answer 8

its never better not knowing.I have a similar situation exept my father is dead.He died when i was 15 months old.I would love to meet him for just 1 day.U have an oppertunaty to meet your real father u cant let it go.If he has a reasonable explanation and a heartfelt apology and he really wants to meet you have an oppertunaty to salvage a relationship with your real father.A oppertunaty i would kill and/or die for.It also reminds me of a episode of fresh prince i ounce watched it may help you i hope this helps.

Answer 9

hun what ever you want, dont feel guilty about not wanting to see him because he left you instead of stepping up. now he is ready to see you... its not fair for you to have to do what he wants just cause hes ready now. take some time wait till you dont hate him so much even if it takes a year. you dont owe him anything, if you want to meet him do but do it for you not to ease his guilt

Answer 10

well, maybe if your mom has been keeping in touch with him then he is not all bad. maybe theres something else about him that you dont know. of course, this is totally your choice, but if you can it may be a good idea to let him explain himself.

Answer 11

I would meet with him only to confront him on his mistake. I'd be pretty angry but who knows You may get along with him over time.

Answer 12

You should just meet him and see how he acts around you. Maybe you should talk to him on the phone first, and tell your mom if you are apprehensive.

Answer 13

well if your mother has been in touch with him - then there may be other things she did not tell you - you hate him because she told you he left and she told you he did not support you - but she did NOT tell you he has been keeping in touch - so maybe it is time to meet him and find out what else she did NOT tell you

Answer 14

First ill be nice to him becuz u dont wont to come off to him like u have no training. Second give him a change u cant judge him just becuz of his past. Third be nice to him he might turned up to b nice.

Answer 15

you should go ahead and meet him. hear what he has to say. but u should also tell him that u are very mad at him for what he did

Answer 16

...what to do?!

If you've never met him then everything you know about him and what he did was probably from another source. Keeping an open mind doesn't mean that you're being disloyal to anyone. If you don't want to meet him, then let him know, maybe through another person, that you'd rather get his side of the story in a letter. Some people say let the past remain the past, but I find it hard to separate past events from present feelings. All knowledge is good. It's what we do with it that can make it bad if we're not careful. You owe yourself the truth.

As for hating him: that is a poison that affects the hater WAY more that the hatee (huh?), um, the person you're hating. It will eat away at you until you don't realise it's numbed you to feeling it. Then it's easy to hate other things. I hope this helps you as much as it did when a close friend shared it with me.

Answer 17

do what you think is right mabe you should he could be nice but then agein he left you and your mom but mabe he changed and wants to be forgived be careful thou he have do idea what he wants with you

Answer 18

You need to know if that is the truth first and thats why he left becuz if it was why would he be back now.. your mom could have been hurting and wanted you to hate him cuz she did... meet up with him get to know so he can try and make up for the lost years, later down the road you will regret it... you do not have to call him dad he has to earn that kinda respect ya know... find out the truth first tho hun

Answer 19

wow i'd be in shock...i say meet the guy, but if he tries sweet-talking you, dont go for it, just meet him....if i were u i would have a very hard time trusting him

Answer 20

call him and say s***w you!!  but find out if hes rich now then if he is youv go it made

Answer 21

meet hiim and ask y dont u feel a lil guilty? were u even ready to b a father? i am going through tha same thing but i met my father i havent seenn him in lyke 8years he keeps in touch but never keeps his promises about cuming home so wen you meet yoursz jus make sure u always get a chance to see him if he is a nice guy and keep the visitions simple and complex.

Answer 22

If I were you, I'd talk to your mom for a while.

I would find out her opinion on seeing your father.

Just because you do visit him, doesn't mean that everything will change.

I think if I were you, no matter how much I hated him, I'd give it a try. If it turns out terrible, and he wants to meet/hang out with you again, you can tell him you're not ready.

It might be good for you too learn about him a little more..

good luck!

Answer 23

He left not to deal with a mistake he accidently made himself? idk what to do for ya.

Answer 24

my dad is a drunk

so i had to let him go cuz all he did

was tell me lies..

im finally okay with him outta my life

he didnt bring out the good in me or anything

it sounds like ur okay without him

so u should keep it that way

so u wont be hurt in the end

its his fault he lost you

Answer 25

no body can really make this choice for you, ou do hate him, but i'll tell you that you should see him, it would make you better knowing that you know him even if you hate him, you should give him a chance to make it up to you, hes allready missed out on so much of your life why would you want him to miss more? i know that sometimes doing the right thing is hard, and being the bigger person even when you are just the kid is hard, but i'll tell you that my life kinda has this going on its a long story but i've been talking to my mom latly as in like one phone call every one or two months, because it hurts to talk to her, but i shouldnt have to grow up without a mom cause it isnt my fault of what happend. but you cant always do something to make one person happy because it is impossible to make them happy all the time and it is important to make yourself happy before you can make others happy. i wish you good luck but you really need to make this decision yourself.

Answer 26

say no, that you're not ready.

growing up without a dad is no joke, its intense.

and really, you don't want to meet this guy and suddenly blow up, saying stuff you might regret later.

your mom will understand, trust me.

Answer 27

do what the first person said but u dont have to pray

Answer 28

I think when people are younger they do things they later regret, like not being there for their children. Fear sometimes rules over responsibility. I say meet the man and hear what he has to say...then if you find that he is despicable like you think, you can choose to not see him again. However, maybe he has grown up a bit since he ran away, and has since turned into a better man...if so it might be nice to meet with him.

Answer 29

I would be curious to find out what he feels he has to say to me. You don't excatly have to meet him to hear him out. Let him have your email and tell him to write you and you read it when you're ready. It could help you heal your broken heart over your fatherless childhood.

Answer 30

If I were you I would pray about it extensively, and then make a choice.

But I would probably meet him, just because you may not get the chance again, and you might regret it later in life.

Answer 31

why does your mom want you to meet him? she did all of the hard part, now that your almost an adult she wants you to have a relationship with him? no way, tell her you don't want to meet that friggin loser.