Favourite jokes of all time..have you got one???

Question

Favourite jokes of all time..have you got one???

Answer 1

Q. What did the p***s say to the condom?

A. Cover me I'm going in!

Answer 2

Catholic Shampoo...

Shopping in a local grocery store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section.

One asked the other if she would like a beer.

The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have a beer, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.

The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.

The cashier had an obviously surprised look, so the nun said, 'This is for washing our hair.'

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.

'The curlers are on me.'

Answer 3

Me & my friend were on the bus, talking about guys, & her sister butts in the conversation, saying I'm a 1-hit wonder, meaning an easy w***e. I wonder what made her say that. I'm not a w***e, but anyway. My friend turned to her & said, it's better to be a 1-hit wonder, rather than a 1-cent wonder! & everyone was like, "Ooooohhhhh!" & laughing.

Answer 4

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven of course

At the Pearly Gates they are met by St. Peter who says, 'Sisters, you all

led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go

back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.'

The first nun says, 'I want to be Sophia Loren;'

And *poof* she's gone.

The second says, 'I want to be Madonna' and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, 'I want to be Sara Pipalini..'

St. Peter looks perplexed. 'Who?' he asks.

'Sara Pipalini;' replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, 'I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell.'

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says

'No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by

1,400 men in 6 months.'

If you laugh, you are going straight to h**l!

Answer 5

A mushroom walks into a bar. He's looking around, checking the pace out when he notices a beautiful woman. He finally musters up the courage andapproaches her. He asks her to dance and she quickly says "No way! You're a mushroom!" The mushroom looks at her and says "No I'm not, I'm a fungi" (fun guy).

What's the scariest kind of bee?

a Boobie!

Answer 6

i have 2.....there were 2 eggs boiling in a pot 1 boy 1 girl the girl 1 says oh i got a crack n the boy says no good telling me im not hard yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....

ben, luke and johnny were driving down a dirt road and came a cross a sheep stuk in the fence with its butt in the air ben says i wish that was pamela anderson, luke says i wish that was christina aguileria and johnny says i wish it was dark! sooo funny

Answer 7

Hillary went into the bathroom and shaved her vjj then she came out and lift up her skirt and said no more Bush

Answer 8

knock knock, hahahahaha, that was funny, don't u think

Answer 9

A priest and a rabbi are walking past a primary school. The priest turns to the rabbi and says 'let's s***w some kids.' The rabbi replies 'out of what?'

What was so tragic about the car crash that killed four emos?

The car had five seats.

I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.

Answer 10

whats got 75 balls and screws old ladies?? BINGO!!!

Answer 11

FIRST the muffin joke (this is the funnies thing!!!!!)

muffin joke:

two muffins were in an oven cooking

one muffin turns to the other and says

"its hot in here"

the other one says

"HOLY CRUD A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

SECOND (cute and funny)

The Living Statues

Two statues stood in a city park: one female and the other male. These statues faced each other for many years.

Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."

And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling, and twigs snapping.

After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.

Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"

The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"

Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll c**p on its head!"

Answer 12

There was this lady sitting on a bus and two foreign guys sit next to her and start talking. The guy says "First emma come and den I come after that two esses come and I come again and den two esses they come again and then I come and  pee twice and I come a once more. And then the lady says "You sick pigs! In America we don't talk about our s*x lives in public places!" And the foreign guy says "s*x?" I was just a tellin My friend how to spell a Mississippi

Answer 13

ok i have a few they are dirty but oh well

ok a boy was playing in his back yard and his rooster is walkin with his cat buy their pool, the rooster pushes the cat in and laughs

the same thing happened two days later

so now the boy grabbed the rooster and got all cut up

and when his mom asked what did you learn

he replied never block a c**k from a wet p***y

another one

Life as a p***s sucks

the neighbors are nuts and beside them are a******s

and my bestfriend is a p***y

the worst of all i get shoved in a bag jammed into a dark hole and forced to do push up till i throw up

Answer 14

This one is really stupid, but it always gets a laugh.

What did one snowman ask the other snowman?

Do you smell carrots?

(I'm even laughing typing this in)!!!!!

Answer 15

What do you call a police woman who shaves her vjna?

Constable - (C*nt Stubble!)