Fear analysis?

Question

I email my ex this morning just like many of you recommended to do and told him about my pregnancy. He called me soon after, it seems that he doesn't have a clue either but he did show many concerns for the adoption. We don't have a solution yet since he has to talk to his parents first.

We did discuss quit a bit, it end up that he shared same fear as I. When it comes to adoption:

1. He wants the baby to be adopted by an asian family, he doesn't want our baby looked upon as something exotic by other race.

2. He and I would like parents with at least a bachelor's degree. Since both of our family has met that standard. He said that way, we know for sure, the parents can teach the child with his or her school subjects.

3. This one is my fear, I would like the child to be adopted by couple without previous children. I wouldn't want my child to adopted as someone else's play mate.

Are these considered to be reasonable request?or are these fears seemed to be unfounded

Answer 1

They are reasonable criteria if they are important to you.

However keep in mind many highly intelligent, and successful people do not have degrees and are rather autodidacts. Also, consider the possible benefits of experienced parents, rather than first time parents, for your child. I don't think most people adopt second/third children as "playmates" but simply because they have not completed their families yet. You may still wish to choose only a family with no other children, but do look at the pros and cons of both.

I would also urge you to think about what values you want your child's parents to have and teach. I think values are much more important than race or education, but that's just me.

Best of luck

Answer 2

Go to americanadoptions.com or call 1800adoption and talk to Alli Garlich. She can help. Here at this adoption agency you get to view and pick the family. If you do not approve than they don't get the baby. So I hope you can find a decent family.  They also show their degrees in education, and if they have child or not. Just please try not to be too judgemental...you may or may not find someone with all of the atributes...but you can always look. Tell Alli what you want and she can look for it for you.

Answer 3

I'll bet you can make these requests, but good luck having your child adopted with them. It's tough to find kids homes without these sort of requests.

I think they're exceptional requests, and will ensure your child has a happy life if they are met. Best Wishes to you and all involved.

Answer 4

You have a right to want certain parents for your child.  Do keep in mind that siblings are the best thing for a child.  Many valuable lessons are learned from siblings - sharing, social skills etc.

You may want to consider choosing a couple where the mom will stay at home with the child - this is much more important than her having a degree.  Education is very important but it's not everything.

I'm sure you'll find the right couple for your baby!

Answer 5

Every biological parent has their own personal reasons and concerns when making an adoption plan for their child.  I think discussing it with your ex was a great idea.  I would highly recommend the next step should be to meet with a reputable adoption agency in your area.  The criteria for an adoptive family that you have should be a point of discussion.  They can set up a profile for you that has those "requirements".  

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

These are all reasonable requests.  Most agencies, facilitators, and lawyers who specialize in adoption have each potential adoptive family make a profile book.  You go in and you say, I'd like to see your profiles of educated Asian couples without children.  They set you up at a table and give you a pile of profile books to make your choice from.

Answer 7

Sheesh.. no wonder they said adoption in U.S is so difficult. Biological parents has such a great advantage over adoptive parents.

Answer 8

As the parent of three Asian girls, I can tell you that you should have no trouble picking and choosing among prospective parents, because so many people will want to adopt your baby!  I don't think you're being unreasonable about you first two requirements, but on the third issue, I don't think you should view a couple with previous children as "adopting a playmate."  Most people wish to have siblings for their children so that when they grow up, they will have a loving extended family.   That is why I adopted two more children after my first child - not because I wanted her to have a playmate, but because I wanted her to have more immediate family than just me when she grew up.

Answer 9

I HEAR WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. SOME TIMES YOU CAN NOT JUST FIND PEOPLE FROM ASIAN BACK GROUNDS,OTHER RACE ARE NOT BAD FOR YOUR CHILD. SOMETIMES CHILDREN RAISED UP IN OTHER RACE DO GOOD. I WILL TELL YOU THIS,MY SON MARRIED A LADY FROM MEXICO AND NOW HE IS RASING HER SISTER.HE IS WHITE. EVERYBODY THAT SEES HIM TREATS HIM GOOD,HE LIVES IN VA,WERE THEIR ARE ALOT OF BLACKS AND NOT MANY WHITE PEOPLE NOT MEXICO PEOPLE AT ALL. JUST ON THE ARMY BASE WHERE THEIR WORK. THEY ARE ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY AND IT WILL BE MIXED,BUT THATS OK IT WILL BE LOVED.AND YOUR CHILD WILL BE LOVED BY ANY PARNET THAT WANTS A CHILD. I LOT OF PARENTS DON'T CARE ABOUT THE COLOR OR ABOUT ITS RACE. THEIR JUST WANT A CHILD TO LOVE.

I WISH YOU ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD ON YOUR CHILD. HOPE YOU FIND THE RIGHT PARENTS FOR YOUR CHILD. BECAUSE I WAS ADOPTED 40 YEARS AGO. AND IF IT WAS NOT FOR MY MOTHER AND MY FATHER (REALPARENTS) I WOULD HAVE NOT HAD THE LIVE I AM LIVING NOW. LET ME TELL YOU THIS I WOULD NOT THINK TWICE ABOUT HOW DIFFENT MY GRANDDAUGHTER LOOKS. SHE IS MY SPECIAL LITTLE GIRL. EVEN SHE MEXICO SHE IS MY GRANDCHILD IN ALL THE WAY.

Answer 10

I am glad you talked to your ex.

I dont think you are being unreasonable. I think you are being very mature and thoughtful at such a difficult period in your life. Express your opinions. I am glad you have the support and help from your ex. Even if you arent together anymore at least you are working through this together.

I wish you luck. Please keep in touch and let us all know how you get on!