Fear of giving birth-good reason to adopt?

Question

I've read lots of reasons why adoptive mothers have adopted thier children--'always wanted to adopt' or 'couldn't have my own'. One I've read about is odd-Tocophobia.*

"Tocophobia: An abnormal and persistent fear of childbirth.

A phobia is an unreasonable fear that can cause avoidance and panic. Phobias are a relatively common type of anxiety disorder. Phobias can be treated with cognitive behavioral therapy using exposure and fear reduction techniques. In many cases, anti-anxiety or anti-depressant medication proves helpful, especially during the early stages of therapy."

http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=5809

If a person is too afraid/scared of pregnancy and/or childbirth so much that they'd adopt another woman's child, what does that say about her mental health?

Should having tocophobia be a good enough reason to adopt? Or should potentail parents who have 'abnornal' phobias seek treatment instead of expecting kids to 'fix' their mental issues?

Answer 1

Okay, just because someone has a huge phobia isn't a reason to ban them from being an adoptive parent.  Some people are afraid of all sorts of weird stuff but that doesn't make them any less loving or responsible.  I'm very shocked and disgusted at some of the previous answer's small-minded comments - having a phobia does not mean someone is psychotic or mentally ill.

Answer 2

i had "can't wear a bikini anymore-phobia", "don't want stitches-phobia", and "don't want to bleed like a arterial laceration-phobia."

ok, seriously.  i think every woman has some fear of giving birth.  yet, most of us realize that it's necessary to bring a life into the world. and not default to a "phobia" as means to get around it.

besides, i think it's pretty sh%$ty to expect another woman to endure the pain of pregnancy, labor and delivery simply because one is "scared."

Answer 3

I see no problem with it so who cares if someone does not want to go through a pregnancy and birth but still wants to be a parent. All the power to them. You’re seeing more women now a days having  c-sections just so they can avoid a natural birth. If one would rather just skip that all together and adopt their children again all the power to them. A fear of something does not equal a mental disorder.

I agree with Palechee a lot of people have phobias that does not make them a less loving or responsible person. Why someone would say they have a mental problem ok, everybody has fears. My dad has fear of heights and small spaces, I guess I shouldn’t have been adopted by my family then huh. Of course someone will just point out any reasons that they think people should not adopt because of.

Totally agree Bobby with the world already overpopulated it might get to the  point where people will only be able to have 1 or 2 birth children and if they want more kids they will have to adopt or just be happy with the 2 they have.

Answer 4

LOL I sorta have this, but it's not so much a fear as a lack of desire. I simply do NOT want to swell with child, mess up my body, go off my medications, and go thru childbirth. I don't think theres anything mental about that. But an irrational fear does not necessarily mean you are unfit to be a parent/adopt a kid. I'd ask a therapist. Do you fear it, or do you just not really want to (like me)?

Answer 5

sure, it is a very personal thing and it really doesn't matter. this world is so full of children needing to adopt (millions). so whatever reason, you really don't have to bring another baby in the world, you can always open your home and rescue one. it's nothing to do with giving birth, but about having a family.

Answer 6

I guess that justifies my choice to terminate and parent. I have a persistent fear of adoption and people stealing my kids.

Amazing how often two different things in different people can be parallel.

I don't see that as much of a reason to adopt. I was afraid of childbirth all three times. I have an intense phobia of needles and had two natural births rather than deal with the anxiety of a needle shoved into my spine, got the epi with the last and man oh man was that ever bliss. That didn't mean I wasn't willing to have those children based on the fact that becoming pregnant would mean numerous needle pokes from necessary blood work. Phobias need to be dealt with. They are unproductive and seriously limit a persons ability to lead a rich and fulfilled life.

Answer 7

I would wonder what other mental health issues are lying underneath.  Is it just the one phobia, or are there more issues that need addressing?  Mental illness is a very real issue and not something to be ignored or swept under the rug; its implications can be very far reaching for both the sufferer and their loved ones.  So yes, before adopting, I think that person SHOULD get treatment, for that and any other condition that may be present.

Being adopted is no walk in the park as it is, but if you're adopted by someone with mental health issues that aren't being treated, who knows what you could be subject to?

Answer 8

Adoption is a good idea because then kids can have a home

Answer 9

How does it hurt the child if the mother is afraid of childbirth?  I don't think it can.  

However, there is no "good" reason to adopt that focusses on the parent instead of the child/family.  The only GOOD reasons to adopt involve the wish to raise a child and help that child become a wonderful person.  

I hardly think any woman goes, "wow I'm scared of childbirth, but if I adopt a child I won't be anymore."  I'm sure it usually goes more like this.  "I want to be a mother, I want to raise children.  I'm really REALLY terrified of giving birth (I don't want to die).  Well, there are already alot of children who don't have mothers, and I'm a mother without a child, so...  wow, I can adopt one of them."  I know this is a major simplification, but seriously, no one could possibly expect a child to cure a phobia!

Answer 10

I do not believe that fear of childbirth is a good reason to adopt if it is the only reason.  Just as I do not believe that fear of parenting is a good reason for placing a child for adoption.  

Everyone has fears - that is normal.  But to adopt for the sole reason that someone is afraid of childbirth seems like an invalid reason to me.  Now, if someone has medical reasons that complicate the situation and they feel that childbirth could kill them or create more of a problem medically, then perhaps exceptions should be made in that case - but there is more than just a fear of childbirth then, there are also medical reasons associated with the fear.  Does that make sense?

If someone is afraid to give birth to a child, what happens the next time they have a fear - like fear of allowing the child to drive, or fear of the child getting sick?  We are all afraid of things but we cannot live our lives based on fears.  Our children deserve more than that.

Answer 11

I don't think anyone expects the child to "fix"their mental issue.  While I understand your point; the point of adopting is to help a child in need.  Adopting a child is a long (usually much longer than pregnancy) process that is very stressful and full of ups and downs, and no one who didn't sincerely want a child would go through it.  Also, think about what you're kinda suggesting, are you saying that people who suffer from mental illness cannot or should not be allowed to parent?  In most cases mental health issues can be treated and do not interfere with a persons ability to raise their children.  I mean how exactly would a person's fear of giving birth, affect their parenting skills?  Besides, they could have good reason to be afraid, perhaps their own mother, or a family member or friend died during child birth.

Answer 12

How is adopting a way of "fix[ing] their mental issues"? It's just a way of having the desired children while avoiding the source of the phobia. There's nothing wrong with that. If it were a phobia of something unavoidable--water, perhaps, or something else that would interfere with their ability to care for the child--then there would be legitimate questions about the person's fitness for parenthood. But childbirth is easily avoided and has no bearing on one's ability to actually raise a child. Tocophobia doesn't necessarily have to have any impact on one's quality of life, or that of one's family members, children included.

Answer 13

Adoption is a good thing, there are so many young kids that need a chance ! With love and compassion they become your own,heart mind and body. Give their soul to Jesus !

Answer 14

Fear of birth is NOT a good reason to adopt.

little J asked what it would matter........ here is one reason...

Female adoptees have a fairly high rate of fertility problems, I have to wonder how being parented by a woman who never gave birth plays into her developing perception of her own body image. I know one adopte whose infertile mother was *psycho* scared of childbirth. The adoptee finally managed to have a highly medically assisted and managed pregnancy culminating in a c-sec and NICU stay for her baby. I believe her adoptive mother's fears certainly affected her.

If you spend any time amongst adult adoptees, you'll discover all sorts of amoms have difficulty accepting their daughter's pregnancy and parenting choices. It is really distancing to be around amom during an event she never experienced and likely has many issues surrounding.

Fear of birth has actually got to be the most pathetic reason I've heard for adopting.  Vanity is also a pathetic reason for not birthing. If you don't want to give birth, you should have no right to teach a child to call you  mother.

Answer 15

What IS a good reason to adopt?

If the woman is afraid, terrified, of giving birth but wants a child and is ready for one, then why should she not adopt? It's absurd how people jump to conclusions. It's a phobia, it doesn't mean that they are loonies.

Adoption is great. The world is over-populated as it is. All countries should start having a one-child ideal as China has done. Without being unfair of what s*x the child is of course.

Answer 16

I guess it depends on if the fear is retional or if they're just scared of the unknown.... I know for me I am truely scared of pregnancy (after 1 miscarriage and 1 molar pregnancy) and giving birth..... I almost died and had to get blood. 3 years later I'm still recovering. So I wouldn't consider that to be abnornal....

Pregnancy and delivery is a dangerous venture, I could see where someone would be scared. For me it was worth it, to become a mom, but after that I wasn't willing to leave my daughter mother-less to have another baby.

Answer 17

You're so weird Sunny.  Please Please Please get help for your abnormal phobia- The fear of being a human being who takes responsibility for her own life.

Good luck with that.

Answer 18

I was not affraid, during my first pregnacy and my mom kept warning me of the childbirth pains and It was horrible! But apparently I did not let it bother me enough because I got pregnant again and again it was horrible! Some people are not cut out for pregnancy or childbirth so I commend you if you adopt! Otherpeople can pop them out left & right like no big deal because were all made different, but I know its not for me again! You might have an easy prgnancy and childbirth if you find the right doctors, I blame my horror on bad doctors. If you addopt you will never know,

Answer 19

I don't think that having or adopting kids fixes your phobia of child birth. Certainly, they should try to be as mentally healthy and prepared as possible before they decide to have or adopt a child but not one of us is completely devoid of problems. There are worse things than Tocophobia.

Answer 20

that is a good reason to adopt. and to help a child in need.

Answer 21

Why not they are not crazy just scared of one situation being scared of something doesn't make you a bad parent. There are so many kids needing good homes. Why not adopt? I have two of my own and am still considering adopting those kids need everyone they can get

Answer 22

A person that is so afraid of birth that they want to adopt should not be allowed to do so.  It is only one facet of a significant anxiety disorder. Other anxieties will come out at a later age.  Children who have been taken from their natural parents deserve someone who is mentally all there.