Feedback, please?

Question

Roulette:

Head in my left,

.45 in my right,

Finger on the trigger,

Threatening endless night.

No more pain,

No more sorrow,

No more caring,

What comes tomorrow.

Spun the wheel,

Shut my eyes,

Just five chances,

To stay alive.

Answer 1

pretty good. I like it ur very talented!!!!!

Answer 2

You are very talented.  I hope you could or would direct all that talent in a more positive direction, for your own sake, and also for those around you who love you, and will miss you if your poem is going to become reality.

Answer 3

You taunt me with your taste for the touch. Don't mock me! I have been long before and will be long after. You are here for reasons unknown to me and I care not. This release you seek is not to be found in the thin edge you walk on. Have you read my bio. Checked my credits. I claim as I choose. Not at your hand. When ready the flow will drown you with glorious light of white. The only crimson for you is in dawns light and dusks glow. Now go set this thinly veiled notion to rest and be done with your cutting innuendo. Don't taunt me. I am not ready for you.

Answer 4

Wow!

All American roulette.....now, in this one you 'told' the reader instead of letting the reader decide what this meant.

Be more vague, while maintaining 'concrete' images....sounds like a paradox, huh...not really.

Example: Poetizing a hurting breakup...don't say HURT!

How about..."I threw your apartment key right under my pillow"

See?

Answer 5

This is bloody fantastic! You have a rare talent. Oh my, this is just so evocative!