Question:

Feedback for the poem "contemporary dream" and Dreamer" plz +thx!?

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•Contemporary Dream•

My mind begins to blink.

Rapid eye movement

It all runs by in a blur

as you and i concur but

our intelligence is drowned

as they shout and repeat racial slurs,

we are left frozen

on the stage of forgotten dreams

as tears teem

at the rims of our lids.

Slipping out

and off

of our lashes

into the gashes

of change.

Combined

our tears make rain

while pain fights its way

off of surfaces that time

has indifferently bonded them to,

all that is left is me and you.

You are

my contemporary dream.

At least that's the way it seems.

•Dreamer•

Lies live inside

i don't know why i deny and

cower at the thought

of my soul purging itself from my infected body.

Ripping through my chest wall,

and spilling onto the floor,

leaving me wondering if there's more

as my hopes and dreams seep through

the layers of concrete.

A visible leak.

Im left with no words to speak,

vowel- less

lips are useless.

Where am i headed?

My soul has found its heading

as im left ashore

empty,

no dreams can surface.

I have lost my purpose.

• more poems @: http://www.poeticpermit.blogspot.com •

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  1. Wow, that was very beautiful and deep. you have a unique way of expressing your emotions and it stands out in a dynamic way. I love the

    "Combined

    our tears make rain

    while pain fights its way

    off of surfaces that time

    has indifferently bonded them to,

    all that is left is me and you.

    You are

    my contemporary dream.

    At least that's the way it seems."

    Reminds me of my fiance and I. Thanks for sharing and you should continue this writing. It gave me shivers. It also would be a good slam poem, cause its strongly full of a lot of emotions and fire!

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