Feedback needed ASAP??10pts best answer!!!!!!!!!?

Question

How can I make this scene read better? appeal to the reader more? what should I add/takeout? what do you think about the scene in its entirety?? Suggestions and examples welcomed! Plz and thnkyou!

P.s the female character in the scene has just loss her best friend.

"Talk to me, what’s going on with you?”, he whispered.

She wanted to tell him, she did. How it was hard for her to sleep at night, and not see Brooke’s face. How she wished she could be immune to feeling all together. She felt alone , a void, an emptiness, a black, empty space which she believed nothing and no-one would ever be able to fill. She didn’t think she could do it anymore-love. It hurt too much.

Answer 1

I think if you took out this sentence:

"She felt alone , a void, an emptiness, a black, empty space which she believed nothing and no-one would ever be able to fill."

that paragraph would read much better.  Saying that she can't sleep without seeing Brooke's face gives us a bit of an image, and conveys deep emotion.  But talking about the void, emptiness, etc., is not only repetitive (which can get boring), but it's cliche.  If you leave the above sentence out and then read the paragraph over again, you'll find that you haven't sacrificed any of the emotional tone.

Also, as I reader, I would like to be drawn in a bit more by details shown.  Are her brown eyes wide and unfocused? Does the lamp light deepen the creases in the man's furrowed brow?  Or whatever (you can do a better job than I can!)  If you get to talking just about conversation and describing emotion, it feels less like a story and more like ... I dunno, an Oprah show or something.

I like that you don't give tons and tons of detail (I hate it when I'm told what people are wearing, or the wallpaper is described or some c**p), but putting me more in their place would be more compelling.  Maybe tell me a detail about Brooke's face. ("How it was hard for her to sleep at night, and not see Brooke's hard, intelligent blue eyes." Or whatever)