Feedback on this poem?

Question

Any type of comment or critique is totally open, i won't be hurt if you say it sucks. :) thanks!

Look around;

You’ll be finding feathers everywhere,

Folded between the pages of these stories,

Blue and gray,

Where did they come from?…

Tonight, we ponder their existence,

Images of seals dancing through our thoughts,

Tonight, we renew our consolation through our memories,

Finding balance between legend and reality,

Between water and land,

Between man and creature alone,

And as the screen fades to black,

This reality pulses beneath our skin like a drum;

a silent reminder that this life is a search for the truth,

that happiness stands as a tribute to those who can believe in it.

Answer 1

Great poem ...if you have time read the novel "Joy Luck Club"

Answer 2

Great job, I really enjoyed it. The rhythm really had me going.

You should really submit it to http://www.papertank.com and see what they think. I bet you could get a high rating for it on there!

Answer 3

Awesome

Good job

Keep writing

Hope I helped

- ♥ Taylor ♥

Answer 4

really really good ! [:

i absolutly loved itt.

keep up the great work !

any more ideas.. contact me at...

[e-mail]

i'll gladly take a look. [:

-XobabyygiirloX ♥  

Answer 5

If you're using spiritual thoughts, I like to use spiritual thoughts.  But when you use spiritual thoughts use them in a way that it brings out the natural things as well.  You can use spiritual in the beginning or in the metal are in the end of the story.

Natural things tells us the story,  but the spiritual things show us the deeper things in the story.

You can use natural like, the time we shared together, spiritual would be, was like a rose that appeared in a vase.

If the story has too much spiritual things, most people will lose interest in the story. But when they are working together they make it sound great in interesting for the reader.

Answer 6

sounds like alice in wonderland is growing up! a really interesting poem.

Answer 7

It sounds like a place i would love to get away to right now. It is really good!

Answer 8

It feels like something or someone means everything, but as reality sets in [like the summer ending, summer love ending?] they realize that they can't be in their happy land forever..

I agree with someone above that the poem seems to be switching around, but I like it!!

Answer 9

in my honest opinion It doesn't seem like you had a clear idea before you started.  

Perhaps you liked the way the first line sounded and you just powered through with other lines you liked.  It seems to miss continuity from beginning to end.  Sections have it, but as a whole it misses it.  

That sort of thing happens to me all of the time.