Question:

Feedback on this short story/poem thingy i wrote?

by  |  earlier

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Drip, drip, drip, the rain pours rapidly impacting in to the street. Drops explode one by one. Clarity becomes low as the sun hides deeply getting lost behind clouds. The clouds dark gray and black set the atmosphere drab.

I walk across the cold fall ground. Trees surrender leaves for the spring's beautiful green, that doesn't seem to be coming. My head pounds with the horrible memories brought on to me. I'm young and usually strong, but my only love is gone blown away with the wind. My head droops wanting to deny you're no longer here.

Squeak the door flings open. I walk torn to my room. I sit on the corner of my bed, staring out the blank window. I look up past the seas of clouds, in to heaven. "I need help, God if you exist please give me the strength to over come this." Suddenly a movie of thoughts plays in my head. "Heaven why am I looking there?" I ask my self.

I jump up, tears flow across my face. A rush of adrenaline pumps from my body. Crack, crack, crack, three holes appear on the wall. "What the **** was I thinking? God can't help me your *** is going to rot in h**l." Slowly I clam down, after a few more violent jabs into the wall. I return to my exact spot by the window, Once again staring out but this time into the darkness.

The rain that pours is my tears. The clarity outside decreasing form the forming of clouds is my comprehension of this never ending mess. The sun that hides is the feeling I once had for you. The leaves that fall are my heart ripped apart. Everything this day is the reason I hate you.

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  1. WOW! I love it...such great imagery...I almost felt the emotions with you.

    It is beautiful and depressing. Dark but not emo...good dark...like Edgar Allen Poe...I love it.

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