Feel like a bad mom not sure whats wrong with me ?

Question

I think i might have ADHD or dyslexia I'm not sure what to do

ok all my life i been a little slower then most kids i had a speech problem that got fixed. I always been a C student even when i tried my best anyways now I'm 25 and i been with my husband for 5 yrs now. We got 2 boys But to get to the point I'm just noticing that my husband is right we fight allot about the things i do like i forget allot, I'm so disorganize, i notice some of the things i say don't make any since which has caused me to have low esteem i barley talk to anyone i keep to my self i aways did even as a child. At work i see the files backwards and i work at a warehouse in the office so all i see is numbers i'll come in the next day and i'll be in allot of trouble cause of the mistakes i made i need help what can i do is there some natural treatment if possible. I'm really tired of living like this. I'm not even sure if my hubby is wrong any more some of the things he say is so hurtful but maybe it is because he's trying to help me. i been called stupid and retarded from my own family for so long and i'm starting to believe it. Please Help i need to be the best for my 2 boys there only 3mos and 2yrs so right now they don't understand it all the way. i want to be a good mom

Answer 1

WOW.  That's quite a story.  I'm sorry it's taken you 25 years to realize this, but happy to learn you're ready to get help.

You need to see your doctor and tell him about the dyslexia and the way you've been feeling and he'll be able to advise the help you need to get.  It is treatable.

Your actions are noble and I applaud you for being so brave and waking up to the fact.  You're going to be fine.  You're on the right track.

Answer 2

You are not stupid or retarded.  Stop believing that right now!  

Please go see your doctor!  They will be able to help you find out what is wrong and then take the right steps in getting you help.

Do not take any "natural" products for any un-diagnosed problems.  

You are a good mom for wanting to find out what is wrong and wanting to fix it!  

Answer 3

i think you just need to slow down and take a step back and instead of rushing things just tak ethe time and focus. take a vacation with you and your family i might just be stress.

Answer 4

I am sure you are a good mum. If you are told most of your life you are stupid and retarded then you will believe this yourself. Your husband is doing you no favours either, he has no right to nag at you and insult you. Is he perfect. I have no learning disabilities but I am the most disorganised person around, however my children are fed and clean and they attend school everyday.

If you are concerned then see your doctor. I have no doubts that you are fine though and you need some confidence building. Ignore your husband and family because you are fantastic and you have two great kids to prove it. I suggest that you enrol on a course at college to work on your self esteem.

Remember you are the best.

Answer 5

First of all, you should tell your husband how much it hurts you when he calls you names like that and says hurtful things. Secondly, I would talk to a doctor for dyslexia and to a counselor for the self-esteem issues. Third, try taking something with Gingko to help with your memory. I don't know how well it works but I've heard good things about it and it is worth a try.

Also try finding a different job where you don't stare at numbers all day. That could make anyone go crazy!

Your problems are not going to be solved overnight, but with some help over time I have faith that you can feel better about yourself.

And, the most important thing to remember is that just because you have some memory problems and whatnot does NOT make you a bad mother. It sounds like you care for them a lot and only want the best for them. This is important and will help you make the best decisions you can for them. No one is perfect. We all need to realize and accept the faults we have. The best anyone can do is try to correct the mistakes we make.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Starting the realization process is the best place to start.  Now you can go to your family doctor and discuss what he/she can do to help with these problems.  I know dyslexia can be corrected also I know that there is medication for ADHD out there that will definitely help you.  As for being dis-organized I would start by having your husband help you get organized then make lists for yourself where you can see them each day!  It will take time so don't get discouraged if you don't see results right away!  

Good Luck,

Momma_Bear

Answer 7

DeDe,

It sounds like you do have dyslexia, the thing that will help you with this is to slow down and concentrate, it is difficult but manageable.  You need to look at yourself in the same way that you would look at your boys, if one of them was having a problem like this they would be offered unconditional love and support from you, you need to extend that care to yourself - you deserve it and are worthy.  You are not stupid or retarded, you just have different challenges than others.  If you feel that your disorganization and forgetfullness are caused by something such as ADHD then you should talk to a doctor about treatment options, but if you have a three month old and a two year old disorganization should be expected.  It is great that your husband is being honest with you about your issues, you really wouldn't want him to lie here so honesty is the best method.  What you need to see there is that the underlining factor is that he loves you and wants to help and cares enough to tell you.  Men are not the best with words.  To help you get your thoughts and feelings together you should write (I know the last thing you would want to do with your issues and the time you have) but writting will allow you to get what you are feeling out and then allow for you to examine it... if you head is swimming with ideas, emotions and thoughts you need to get them organized and work them out, writting it all down helps with this.  Withdrawing from the situation is not going to assist you in over coming and will continue to make your self esteem drop and can harm your relationships with your husband and friends.  

I work with a person who is dislexic and because we are aware it is understood that she may make more mistakes, but she is still a very valuable, bright employee.  If they are not aware of the issues you have with numbers then they are not extending you the consideration that you deserve and being stressed about being in trouble over something you can not help makes it worse.  You need to find a method of slowing your mind and concentrating to allow you to correctly process the numbers.  You can also try to find a method of memorizing the numbers as they appear to you in relation to what the actual numbers are - associate them in some way that makes sence to you.  

I would recommend counseling as well as this will offer you a person to help you sort through your thoughts and to help improve your self esteem.  Remember that if you are looking down on yourself then it is hard for others to look up to you, you have to value yourself and not allow the negativity from your family to effect you.  Your family should not tell you that you are stupid and retarded.... remember that you would never call an actual retarded person a r****d, so the general rule is that if someone calls you this then you are not really retarded, they are just mean.  Below are a couple of links to some sights that may help you with all of the things you have brought up.  Your will and concern to be a good parent shows that you already are a good parent - I read your post and I was truly sad for you because you have all of the potential needed and it sounds like in this life people around you have pointed out your faults instead of focusing on your positive aspects, it sounds like you were kicked when down instead of being offered a hand up with love and support from your family.  I sincerly hope that you find your self esteem and can look in the mirror and say "yes I struggle more than others, but I fight harder too"