Feel so pressured...it makes me sad...need advice? I'm about to crack.?

Question

I imagine taking a knife...stabbing myself

I realize it's wrong...I start hyperventilating

I sit count numbers to calm myself

Lately, I have to count more because it's getting harder to stay sane.

my muslim parents rules:

no going out, friends, music, dance, etc

Yet they expect me to be normal/social

Not even allowed to be friends with my bff cuz I went to prom

I had to have one night of freedom because I felt like I deserved it so don't blame me

I missed all dances, got kicked out of Student Council bcz of them

lost my Advice Column on the school paper

Stayed up till 4AM most nights to study because they said I can't go to college

I'm 18

hurts my feelings so bad when my parents taunt me

They say:

"you don't like going out in public but you can go with that s***k to PROM!"

(I hate wearing religious clothing...I get low self esteem)

"you don't like talking to anybody but you blow the house up talking to that s***k"

They say mean hurtful things I can't write cuz you'll get bored from reading

tired of crying...spending every evening lying depressed in bed

They're crazy with rules I can't even have a personality

I'm suffocating; it's like there's no air...they are slowly killing me inside

I can't move out since I have no connections/money

Don't say "talk" with my parents

they changed so much they lost 90% of friends

I'm scared I might do something crazy one day cause I seriously can't take it anymore

Don't say call 1-800 Suicide cuz I can't use the phone

I would understand if I had done something bad growing up

I'm a normal american

My brothers misbehave (stealing $400...skipping school..lying and getting fired at work)

I'm treated like I had s*x and got pregnant

Not allowed contact with my bff; she has moved on with her life because her boyfriend hates me bcz my bff used to put me first

I can't use an online site to have a job and get money cuz they throw my mail out

I can't leave the porch without being fully covered head to toe so I don't go out

What do I do to stay sane?

I just want out of here...what do I do?

I have lost all faith bcz I don't understand why somebody up there would have me suffer.

Answer 1

hi there,

do not lose faith - while you may not understand the reason for your suffering, there is in fact a reason for everything and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  you are strong to have endured so much and you will be stronger, the longer you stick this out until you formulate a solid plan to create your own life with your own hopes and aspirations.  it won't be easy but it can be done with faith and perseverance.  

you stated that you don't go out because you have to be covered from head to toe but if you were covered - would you be allowed out - unsupervised?  do you go to school?

where there is a will, there is a way.  i did not grow up in such a drastic home but your pain is familiar to me.  i "ran away" at 18 to find my own life after having been raised by a grandmother who wouldn't let me have friends, use a phone, or attend any school functions.  i made it out alive and today i have my own life.  its maybe not the best life, but i answer to nobody but myself.  

i'll keep you in my prayers - please stay strong and know that you are not alone.  if you want to talk further, email me.

Answer 2

((((HUGS )))))

I wish I could offer better advice, but do know that there are loads of people who care.  People can't help you if they don't know.  You need to find someone nearby who can help you.  You are old enough to leave home, and there are places you can go that can help.

See if you can find an adult you trust, and talk to them.  Maybe a teacher, or a religeous leader in your church (sorry, I don't mean any disrespect - I'm not muslim, so I don't know if "church" is the right word).

Please reach out to someone nearby who is in a position to help.

Answer 3

hughughughug

Oh gosh I dnt really know how to anser this as i dnt know much about the muslim culture, but in the end do what will make you happy. Dnt go off the rains and start drinking and running away from home and going wild but maybe yoou need to consider moving out, do you have relatives or something you could go stay with?

Realise that maybe your parents just care about you but they are damagine you, dt let them wear you down untill your too weak to do anything abut it.

Answer 4

It's very difficult to answer you, because the Muslim culture is very different from what most Americans grew up with. Are there any Muslim women leaders that you can look to for guidance and advice? Perhaps a Muslim author.

  From a non-Muslim American's perspective your parents are trying to control you. They don't want popular culture to taint you. It is too bad they resort to insults as their method. That is not good parenting regardless of their beliefs.

  If you get real desperate, it would be better for you to join the military than to kill yourself. Join the Air Force. Don't tell your parents you're doing it. Just leave the day you are to report for duty. This way you will have a place to live and food to eat and learn a skill.

  You may have to use someone else's address or your parents will find out when the government mails something to your house. See a recruiter and tell them that you have to keep it a secret from your parents. You might have to rent one of those little mailboxes for a couple of months.

  Things are not going to change at home, so either you do something brave, or something stupid like harming yourself, or slowly be beaten down into the person they want you to be.

   Why not choose to be brave and make plans to go? It will be the best thing you ever did and the military has Muslim "chaplains".  

Answer 5

wow, I'm sorry for what you are going through. I've gone through some pretty difficult situations in my life, perhaps not along the same lines as you have but one thing I realized that you can never give up! There was a point in my life where no one believed in me and it was upto me to make a decision to believe in myself. I'm a believer in good and that the universe has good things in store for each of us, this does not mean there won't be heartache or difficulty but I believe for every negative there has got to be a positive in the end.

I'm not sure if you believe in God/Allah but sometimes praying can be a very calming and soothing experience, and if you don't believe in your religion believing that the universe has so much good to offer can help. I wish you nothing but peace and love.

Take Care of yourself.

Ps. you should be proud of yourself you could have done a lot of bad stuff but your still here in one piece.

Love,

Esther G.