Feeling Sad about the last three days...?

Question

My daughter has had a hard time for the last few days using her listening ears. As a result, we've had a rough time of it. She's been punished a lot and the days haven't ended with a positive feeling...just a 'tomorrow will be better' talk and hugs and kisses, of course. But I'm just sad. I hate these stretches, when they happen.

Especially I think of the fact that she's going to her daddy's tomorrow night and I won't have her and I'll just have these negative days to think about...and so will she!

I know I have to 'parent' her regardless...can't spoil her just cuz she's going to daddy's and I won't see her for a day...but it sucks! We're SO close to one another...and when these days happen I feel so down in the mouth (and heart!) because it interferes with our 'happiness' of course.

I don't know if I have a question so much as a need to hear that others go through the same thing...and maybe an encouraging word or two that when she's at her dad's and thinks of me that it won't be negative, like I'm some kind of boar for getting on to her. Occassional naughtiness I can handle...but when she hits a 3 day attitude spell...I don't know, it just gets to me. She's going to be 5. And she's still just so little and I hate the idea of her being "glad" to be rid of me for a night. Her dad let's her get away with a lot...and so I worry that being there and NOT getting in trouble for not listening and having a bad attitude will make her glad to not be with me instead of missing me so much like we usually do. As a good parent, I still can't let her get away with things...but knowing that doesn't help the way I feel.

Yesterday we stayed home from work and daycare and I thought we would have a 'fun day'...but we didn't due to the fact that she just wouldn't listen. When I sent her to her naughty spot she was crying (of course) but also saying, "I hate my brain..." over and over. When I asked why she was saying that she said it is because her brain makes her be naughty. I didn't let that manipulate me into 'letting her off' but it broke my heart.

I'm hoping and praying for a better night tonight after work and school!!! If we don't have a good night...I don't know, it just makes me sad and it makes me miss her more and wish I could wipe the last few days off of our memories.

Do any other single parents feel this way when their child is about to go to the other parents house after days like we've had? When you knew/know you had/have to be consistent but will miss them so terribly and feel so bad and sad about it? And do you ever worry that they'll be 'glad' they aren't with you as a result? :(

Answer 1

Thats sad .I will pray for ur family.

Answer 2

Let me explain something to you, okay?

My mom had got pregnant for me at 27, married my dad two weeks after meeting him, had me, two years later, at 30, had my brother, and less than a year after that she was being abused so she divorced my father, who didn't give a rats behind about even seeing us until we were 5 and 3. Now, let's be honest here, my brother and myself weren't always little angels. We fought, we argued, we threw temper-tantrums, lied, you know, all the little things children do, and being a single parent, my mom had to discipline as well, whether that made us have bad feelings or not. The thing is, even if we did have bad feelings, they were temporary. A child's mind can't really seem to keep focused on one thing, and although I do remember one punishment after being caught throwing rocks at cars, I know that what I got, I deserved. Growing up, until I was about 13 years old, I was really, really close with my mom, and even to this day I would much rather live with her, and I should praise God for that more than I do. You really just need to keep in mind that you have to support the punishments you give, and make sure that she is on the right track, because if not, she's probably not going to make the right choices as a teenager and young adult. Chances are, she's not going to remember how you put her in the "naughty chair" a year from now. Instead, she'll remember the times you and her laughed, how "me and mommy..."

I'll tell you this much, from personally experience, don't let a guy, when she's older, ruin your relationship. My mom and myself use to be really close, and now I don't really talk to her much because I feel as if I can't. That is one of the only things that have ever hurt our relationship..

Good luck and cheer up. She's young, she's restless, and she's only going to remember the good times. :)

Answer 3

God yes this is totally normal!!

Its so hard when a child lives with you primarily but then goes to the other parent where they get off with blue murder because they're not there that often.

I had my daughter at 21 and her dad and I came to an arrangement where he would have her every other weekend and we would split her school holidays.  It was absolute h**l letting her go to her dad's for years (she used to cry loads before she left but be fine when she got there! and it made me feel like a really bad mother)).  But you have to accept you are doing what's best for her.

Roll on 8 years and my daughter and I are very very close.  She respects me for putting dowen the boundaries and as much as she loves going toher dad's I know I'm the one who really gerts her attention.

Don't worry - she'll never be 'glad' that she's not with you those days she's at her dad's but let her be glad that she is spending time with her father.