Feeling betrayed by husband?

Question

Let me explain. It's been 2 years of us being married so far. Before June of this year he would tell me EVERYDAY that I was beautiful, and should never change. Everyday he would tell me this. Well after a year of marriage I was asking him constantly why he never wants to have s*x with me anymore, and each time he'd be like I'm not sure, I want to have s*x, but then I just don't. Finally in June he told me the truth, that he didn't find me physically attractive because of the weight that I've gained. Huge Shock to me. Because for some dumb reason I believed he would always find me attractive, just like I would always find him attractive no matter what.

Now I feel like everything he says is possibly not true, like when he tells me I look, or something. He's stopped calling me beautiful. We haven't had s*x in more than a year. The thing is, I can't lose the weight right now, I'm pregnant, and when he admitted this to me, I was 6 months pregnant.

I feel like he betrayed my trust because he's been lying for this long, I feel like what else is he lying about?

I don't know what to do. When I'm done being pregnant in 2 months I'm going to lose the weight. But I feel like he doesn't deserve to have s*x with me when I'm thin even. I don't know what to do, I wish things were back the way they were before as far as this part of my relationship goes.

I guess it's true what they say: "Ignorance is Bliss".

Answer 1

Okay, I hate to say it but your husband is sort of an ***. He doesn't seem like he deserves you. What did he expect...that you were going to carry his child and not gain weight? He needs to grow up and maybe he doesn't love you as much as you thought. Love is not just about physical appearance and most people love how their spouse looks even if they gain weight.You really should look into counseling together. I wouldn't be able to stay in a relationship like that if it were to continue. You deserve to be treated better. By the way...when you feel up to losing the baby weight, do it for yourself and nobody else. Also, you may always resent him for this especially if you feel you are skinny again or if you don't lose the last 10 pounds and your body looks a little different.  

Answer 2

its not about the weight,its not even about u, its him and his character.he has someone else if he is ignoring you.

Answer 3

Hiya sweetie, Sorry 4 ur trouble....I've been married 7 yrs. to a wonderful guy (he's not perfect, but who is).I'm not sure why but when we get married, we gain weight...my husband & I did! I've not gone through a pregnancy (we adopted), but a woman's body changes..ALOT, most men find thier wives the most attractive during pregnancy, I mean come on..u are carrying his child, giving him a legacy, you deserve alot more consideration & respect than you're getting especially you being pregnant. He needs to understand that dieting during a pregnancy can be harmful to your baby & correct if i'm wrong but your childs health is more important than his "little boy needs" !!!!!!! If he wants a perfect wife then he should have married a barbie. The way that u can quit feeling horribly depressed is 2 simply look at yourself 4 who & what u really are...a beautiful, wonderful woman who is about to give birth 2 a baby. If after the baby is born..u choose 2 lose the weight then good 4 u..if not also good 4 u.. but whatever u decide should be for yourself & not for some selfish, concieted, child of a man! In my opinion counseling is worth a try but if he is so "fat phobic", then eventually you probly will NEVER be thin enough...this is his problem, not yours. Ever thought about reminding him that there's always changes as we age...& in his case it could be baldness, gaing weight or even erectile dysfunction?? Remind him how imperfect he can be at times...but u still love him. Plain & simple he needs 2 grow up, man up & get over his little "perfect" self!

Good Luck, God Bless!

Answer 4

Maybe he just feels repulsed by a fat pregnant woman !

Answer 5

I think your husband should be questioning the fact that you haven't had s*x in over a year and your pregnant!

We haven't had s*x in more than a year.

I just took the words right out of your mouth!

Answer 6

You say you haven't had s*x in more than a year and you're 7 months pregnant?  That's a miracle.

Answer 7

I have seen this same situation on Dr. Phil many times. Men like that need to realize they are the ones that are the turn off. Get into counseling and start regaining your confidence in yourself. You will eventually be self assured enough to tell him that you would not touch him with someone elses v****a let alone your own.

Answer 8

You poor thing, He does not deseve you, not at all ! You are pregnant with his child. Yes your body does go through changes, he should understand that. Reassure him you will try be the wife, he fell in love with, but if the weight doesn't come off, that is his problem! Every baby is different, some woman lose the weight right away and others it may take 6 months to a year. The bottom line is he married you for the inner you also. If that is all he is basing your relationship on he is very superficial. You need to tell him he has to be honest with you, in order for you to have a good relationship. Let him know you accept him despite his faults. Love is not selfish, but considerate.  The Bible says, he should have a deep respect for you in( Ephesians 5: 25-33)  read that to your husband and look at his response.

Answer 9

I'm confused.  You said that you haven't had s*x in a year, but then you also said that you're six months pregnant.  Which is true, or is the baby not his?  

Answer 10

1 He's doing someone else.

#2 You need to be too.

#3 You need to leave him and find someone that deserves you and will treat you like you need to be treated-and do it soon. That will fix your depression permenantly.

Answer 11

You need to realize one simple truth, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you.  It only matters what you think of yourself.  Be happy with who you are and perhaps that will cause him to be happy with who you are.

Answer 12

lose weight. exercise. get up off ya lazy behind. please ya husband. thats ya job. he works hard all day for ya and you cant even stay in shape for ya man?

if i was him id buy you a treadmill and force u to spend atleast 15 mins on it or ull get a good beating to set ya straight.

please ya man. be a good woman. give him a back massage wen he comes home n fix em somethin good for dinner.

that should make up for ya gluttoney. do belly dancin/cardio exercises. get a flat s**y stomach. somethin pleasing to the eye. nothin flabby n nasty. we men aint into dat.

please ya man. be a good wife. woman comes from da latin, meaning "slave". do wuts expected of u. i dont wanna hear no excuses.

Answer 13

I know it must hurt to hear the truth from your husband but you know what, you need to give him credit for being honest with you. Even though it hurts to hear him say it (especially since your pregnant), just make a conscious effort to watch what you eat and live a healthy lifestyle. I mean just because we get pregnant doesn't mean we have a free ticket to let ourselves go right? If you're putting on more than the normal amount of weight while being pregnant, then try to walk around your neighborhood. This way you're getting some low impact exercises and your body can get used to the activities which will also allow for your body to get back in shape after you deliver much faster. The thing is, you need to want it too. Our bodies change significantly when we get pregnant so maybe your husband just wasn't aware of this. Especially if he's young.  

Answer 14

  If you want to know, ask your husband where he has been having s*x?  Men just do not wait that long.  I am sorry.  Being that he was finally honest about not finding you attractive, he may answer the next question.  Now, can you accept his reasoning for his denying his wife s*x?  If he felt that strongly, he should have said something to you in the beginning.  I mean, he is your husband and is not concerned at all if you are sexually frustrated?  He also should be reminded of his vows.  However, revenge is not the answer.  I am sorrow, but he sounds quite shallow.  After the baby, lose the weight for YOU and give your emotions time to calm down.  Then see how you feel.  

Answer 15

I think you looked really good before, when everything was good...

but the problem is that he only loved you for your looks...

and wanted to get laid and stuff...

not saying he didn't love u , just the bigger part was based on your looks,

for me the big part is the personality and what she is capable of doing, cleaning cooking and being able to do everything a Girl/"wife" should. taking care of kids,shopping, being loving caring, kind. etc..

i feel guilty i had same before but with girlfriend..

i knew her, but i liked her more for the looks,.. then she lost some weight , butt b***s,and stuff kinda got smaller, u know and i didn't like that...and i still liked her but it was like whatever, like not totally into her, and started looking at other girls.. but then i realized my big mistake..

no other girl would care for me as much as she does..

love me as much as she does..

understand me the way she does..

plus we have soo much in common, like even our blood is the same!

and i realized i didn't even deserve to have her...and then i realized what she really is and means to me,and i told her how much i love her. and now i love her in any way she is, shes always beautiful to me , because her inside is beautiful. :)

I'm very sorry to hear what is happening to you, i really hope he realizes and sees you,your inside, and realizes what hes pushing away, plus your pregnant he should love u even more, its his baby!!

Good luck, and God Bless

Answer 16

ok wait a minute here. you had s*x with him and you become pregnant by HIM, it´s his child too and he finds you unattractive because you are expecting HIS child? and you find this normal?! he is very insensitive  to say the least. our bodies change through life, they get old, you might have an accident and lose a limb... for god´s sake what would he do if you lost your attractiveness as he sees it? abandon you? all his love for you is solely based on how you look? i don´t know the answers to any of this questions but his current behaviour suggests he´s really a very shallow person.

Answer 17

If you haven't had s*x in, and I quote, "more than a year", who, pray tell, is the baby's daddy? As you stated, you're seven months pregnant. Are you playing games with us for fun, or are you cheating on your husband?

Answer 18

I can tell by the answers you've received so far how low the maturity level is tonight and I'm sorry for that. Get counseling. You have been betrayed and stop it now. I'm not saying everything is over. Get counseling for yourself at the very lease so you will have a better idea of what to do.

Answer 19

I hate to say it, but what a jerk. He should love you even if you gained weight, did he get with you for your looks or what kind of person you really are? Another thing, he shouldn't treat you that way when you're pregnant, pregnancy is a beautiful thing. I think both of you should see a counselor together that way you can hear what he has to say and try to come to an understanding with the help of a professional.