Feeling hurt and angry, what would you do?

Question

My SIL and my BIL's wife apparently were talking badly of my son. They apparently said that he is behind for his age (not potty trained and because he is at home with me not at a daycare)

My BIL's wife sent her girls to daycare at 12 months or younger and both were potty-trained by 3. They say that he will social akward because he doesn't interact daily in a school like setting with other kids. I mean he plays with my friends kids and kids at the park. But according to them , daycare is the only way to go.

I feel angry also because they had this discussion with my FIL when I wasn't there. My FIL got mad with them and told my husband about it. I studied ECE and elementary education and my son (who is 3), talks in sentences and counts and draws. I don't understand why they would say such means things about me and undermine my parentings skills with my FIL. My son is going to daycare in August bevause I am gong back to work but this boil my blood. Should I confront them?

Answer 1

I understand that you're mad. I would be, too. Daycare is NOT the only way to go. Yes, it has it's benefits, but so does staying at home with mommy.

I don't know what good confronting them would do other than starting more of a fight.

If you want to get your point across that he isn't going to be awkward, then just let him live life. They will see that they were wrong further down the road.

Answer 2

Ugh, my SIL is constantly critiquing my mothering skills, and let me tell you she is less than perfect.  Don't confront them your FIL hopefully told them to mind their own beeswax and stuck up for both you and your husband.  My son is 3 1/2 and is just now getting the whole potty training thing.  He can count to 30, knows his letters by sight and sound (and can even write some of them), knows his colors, and can even do some simple addition.  I get put down for the potty training continually, well it's taken me about a month to potty train my son and the SIL took like 8 months to potty train her son, so....  Ignore the haters and just focus on raising your son the best you know how.  My kids aren't in daycare but were when they were younger and I was apparently wrong for that too!  They don't have playdates and very little interaction with kids their age (I also have a 2 yr old) but are still comfortable in social situations.  You're fine, you're son is fine.  The only ones with a problem is your backstabbing gossipy SIL and BIL.

Answer 3

you should tell them instead of getting second hand news why not just come to you and let them know how hurt you feel and daycare has nothing to do with potting training . ever child is different we trained my granddaughter at home at the age of 11month's. she quit wearing diaper's at that age.girl's are so much easier to train then boy's.

good luck

Answer 4

I wouldn't confront them. Just when you talk to them, "brag" about your son. Tell them what he has learned, tell them the latest cutest thing he has done. Even tell them that you wouldn't change being a SAHM for NOTHING. That you and him enjoy eachothers company and the close bond you both have build because you've been home with him, etc.

About the toilet training, boys are much harder (most of the time) to toilet train. So don't feel bad about that.  And why are they so proud of sending the children to daycare at 12 months? That is nothing to be proud of.

I think they are jealous because they probably can see the close bond between you and your son that they may not have with their children.  

If you do decided to confront them, don't be upset. Just tell them clamly and maturely how that made you felt and they had not right to gossip about you behind your back. And that the next time they have something to say about you, tell them to get a back bone and say it to your face.

Answer 5

I would not confront them unless it gets worse. If you confront them it can make things worse. I have learned that everyone has their way of raising children and no one is right or wrong. (lol no IL is ever wrong) Your FIL stood up for yous it sounds like. To be honest I think you are doing a better job then most (and prb better then you SIL and BIL cause you child speaks in complete sentences most toddlers dont) He learns how to socialize from interacting with other children in different places, so yes going to the park and having friends over teaches the child to share no matter where they are but daycare does help cause it takes you out of the pic. But I personally dont think daycare is a good thing unless its a GOOD daycare (the one I went to as a child the womens son beat the small children dropped a child less then 1 on his head and made me watch religion shows and pray with them and become a born again against my religion beliefs. You have gone to school for ECE and have a leg up on teaching your children. CONGRATS WITH EVERYTHING YOU DO AND DONT SWEAT THE IL.

Answer 6

Oh good grief grow up.  So what if they said these things.  YOU are the childs mother and YOU made your choices just as they did.  So they talked about you...this is what happens when some females get together and one female in the family isn't present.  If it were you and one of the women and the other one wasn't there you'd be "gossiping" about her.  Get over yourself.  No do NOT confront them.  It is over it is done with time to grow up and move on.

Answer 7

yes mam, put them in their place. they were wrong to put their kids in daycare so early, but its even more wrong to put their beliefs on you and criticise you about them with your other family members. I'm glad to hear that your fatherinlaw stuck up for you, he has great respect.

put them in their place lady, I hate people like that :)

congrats on raising your child well, and so what if he's not totally potty-trained yet, he's probably more developed in other ways than their kids, just from spending more time with his mom.

Answer 8

I don't know about confronting them, but I do understand why your mad. I get this all the time, I am a nanny to two kids under the age of 3, the 2 1/2 old I nanny does not have much social interaction with kids his own age besides a weekly playgroup, but this kid is perfectly well adjusted to being home all day with me and his infant brother. I don't think anybody has the right to judge you because you have stayed home with your son up until now. I have a lot of negative feelings towards day cares as I have worked in several.

At least the boys I care for

A. Sleep in their own beds

B. Eat what is in there fridge

C. Play with their own toys

D. Have one on one attention

E. Learn with just me and them

F. Get to stay in there own surroundings

Answer 9

Let your husband know how upset and angry you are and ask him to let his sister and SIL know that they need to keep their mouths shut. Talk to your husband about standing up for HIS family (you and your son.) And go and hug your FIL for being a good man.

Answer 10

It is clear that they are trying to justify their own decision to send their children to daycare by putting down your decision to stay home with your child.  Maybe it stems from their own guilt.  Obviously you know your child is doing wonderfully and you don't need their approval.  

Personally I wouldn't confront them, because they will just be embarrassed and retaliate with more childish behavior.  But I wouldn't go out of my way to interact with them, because you don't need gossipers and negative people in your life.

Keep up the good work and don't worry about anyone else's opinions.  Also you can hold your head up high because you are mature enough not to pass judgement on others, as they have done to you.