Feeling like I have to end my 2 year relationship? Revised**?

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Feeling like I have to end my 2 year relationship?

I had posted aquestion earlier about him renegging on inital proposal. (Wedding)

I did not make clear the real situation in a whole..

i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years we are very serious and last month moved intogether.

i have a 3 year old from my ex husband he was a first love dissaster but an amazing father to my son. my boyfriend now is not his father or being a father figure entirley, he is home with him maybe 7 hours a week because my ex husband has him weekend or some week nite etc..

MY boyfriend knew that Iwouldnt move in with him untill I knew we were serious. He has told me he was going to give me a ring with in six month back in July, and I had layed off the wedding talk because i knew it made him uneasy, which in turn made me VERY uneasy about the decision to move my son into a home with him, in case he isn't ready to commit. I did though because we had a talk and I felt that with in 6 months would be perfect for an engagment, that way we know we can live together.

He now finally on his own said he was ready to get married, WITH NO help from me or insitgation.

We agreed not for a year an a half but as soon as I looked at places he got pissed. He said that I shouldnt be showing him places yet.

I can look at them but there is no reason for him to and that I shouldnt be thinking aobut anything to do with a wedding until I have a ring...

I am not very confussed because he made it sound ok to start looking and, now I know that it is not ok, and that he is not ready.

Even though he says he does want to marry me, but he thinks that I am rushing things.

I am upset because he is the one that told me he is ready the other day he said that he wants to be married in april of 2010 but that feels to long for him...

now I look stupid because he made me feel awful about the fact that I showed him reception halls (2 places) and I dont have a ring yet... even though in the past i told him i loved those places..

he says that i was told ill have a ring with in six months and that he doesnt want to plan a wedding now because its to far away to think about.. (however he acted the other night like he was getting on very soon, and he had said 6 months a few months ago, and that is why I took it like things had changed. He usually never brought up the topic of weddings, and it was the first time he basiclly proposed just with out a ring. By making me look him in the eyes; and telling me he wants to be with me forever bla bla bla)

thats the wrap up of the topic... what do i do ? I feel that it takes time to plan a wedding and that he just said he wanted to marry me the other night to keep me hanging on.

because he knows he has not been treating me that good and he felt terrible about a fight we had a few nights before he told me he wanted to spend forever with me and he was ready.

I just don't know if I should stay with him if he is this uneasy, and takes back just about everything he says, because I am not alone in this. I have a beautiful three year old boy. I

am not looking for a father or someone to support us because I can support us both, and am almost done with my BS in psy. Anyways it is still not appropriate for my son to get attached unless he is staying and my whole thing is now...

how do i know he really will be ready to marry me? When he is or if he is, how will i beleieve him when he has said stuff before and then quickly takes it back. I feel nieve because I was so excited to look at places and browse on line, and now he made me feel pathetic because I was looking before I even had a ring on my finger. Even though he made me feel like it was ok to start looking.

*i am not rushing things i haven't talked about getting married to him in a month or so,. but when he told me he was ready the other day and what he wanted for the wedding and asked about rings, i figured ok a year an a half with our busy scheduales might as well

Answer 1

He is playing way too many head games, and rest assured it will affect your son.  You need to move back out and stop seeing this man.  He is stringing you along.  People who love each other DO NOT treat people they way that you describe him treating you.  

Seriously?? Read what you wrote and ask yourself... is this the type of healthy relationship that I want to raise my son in?  I think you will have the answer you know in your heart to be true and you are just here asking us to justify what you already know... you need to leave him.

Answer 2

Don't feel bad.  I don't offically have my ring either and I am making all the plans ahead of time.  But honestly it seems like he is just saying this wedding stuff because that's what you want to hear!

Answer 3

You're about to have a BA in Psychology, but you can't see the forest for the trees. It's obvious this guy is not ready, and is just using the subject of marriage as a form of control over the situation. Your first post made me wonder if he's bi-polar.

You need to think about you and your son foremost and weather or not this is a healthy relationship longterm. Your boy may have his biological father, but this man is living with you and he'll have an impact on your son's development aswell...I think more than you realise.

If it was me I'd tell him to pull his head out of his butt and pack my bags.

Answer 4

Break up with him don't do it. It's not you that has the problem he just doesn't want to marry you and it sounds like you shouldn't want to marry him either. He sounds like a jerk dump him find someone better for you and your child.

Answer 5

are you helping pay bills?  that freaks some guys out.  i tell you what though, if you don't have a ring in the amount of time he sd, get your stuff and go.  look at wedding stuff all you want, just don't show it to him.  guys don't care about that stuff that early (even if they say they do)

Answer 6

You sound like me, many years back. Don't let too much time pass you by trying to figure him out. He is not worth it. He is playing mind games with you. And if your son was important to him to begin with, he would never play with your heart. A real man never plays a "mother"

Answer 7

He ain't ever going to marry you.  I had one of those men before, I even got the ring, but every time I tired to plan something I would get the excuse that he wasn't ready.  13 years and nothing changed.  Be smarter than me; you already have two years invested.  Don't wait 11 more like I did.