Females preferred answers, but all other are OK?

Question

Have a friend, her divorce will be finalized next week. We've been friends for years,,,so before I press on, I know about all the "wait til she's ready" type answers,,I don't need to see those answers,,,I'm a mature person, and I do have common sense, so refrain from those,,,read the scenario and the questions at the end. I know what I should do, but that's not my question..

anyways we've been friends for years and have discussed dating when "she's ready",,totally in agreement with that as she has lots of things going on in her life at the moment and dating (so I assumed) would be the last thing on her mind..Well recently, our "friendship" has resulted in us messing around a bit more physically, with both of us wanting it, so as we seem to get physically more intimate with each other, I asked her one day what I was to her,,,she tells me she loves me to death (as a friend as the term "love" is used too freely now days to me), but her "loving me to death" means she likes me a lot, but she said she can't "BE" with someone 100% right now. Again totally understandable on my part,,,she loves me to death and loves hanging out with me...I have kids and she has kids, so we do things together with the kids and without. No big deal,,but as she's telling me she's not treating me fair because of what she's going through, she can't be anymore than she is because there are lots of times when she feels sorry for me because she can't be with me emotionally like she wants to be, and that's not fair to me.....again totally understandable with everything she told me, again, I'm not blind to her situation and I do have common sense. But here's the kicker,,,as she told me she'd date me and wants to date me, but when she's ready,,,,after she tells me those things,,,she's dated other men....So when I hear her tell me how "special" I am to her and she wants to date me, and loves me to death and all these things are very nice and great to hear,,,,she doesn't understand why I don't think or believe her when she tells me I'm special to her, and here is why I don't believe her......if I was so special to her (as she tells me), and wants to date me when she's ready,,,,,,,,

How can she not be ready to date me (as I'm so special to her), and she's dated other guys?

I don't get that...she's not ready to date me (someone who's special to her), but she's ready to date other men, if I'm so special to her, how can she be ready to date other men?

I mean seriously, why do I NOT feel "special" ?? She tells me I am, but I don't feel like I am,,,how should I feel?

I would never tell a woman that she's "special" and all these wonderful things and tell her I want to date her when I'm ready, but then the next week, date other women

Ladies - What does she mean by telling me this? If I’m so special, why is she dating other men?

Answer 1

she my not want to date u due to the fact that u r such close friends. she tells u shes not ready because she may be uncomfortable with this close "friendship"  

Answer 2

Okay, I am crossing the line and letting you into the female thought process. From what you have explained it sounds like you are more of a special "friend" to this women. She feels you more as a person to fall back on and share her problems with but she wants to see what else is out there for her. It is like you are her guy friend that she can get intimate with but not have an emotional connection. I would say that she will need her time but as long as she knows YOU have an emotional connection she is still going to play the field because she already knows that she could have you. Basically, you are her second string but she wants to make sure that she is not missing a possible first string guy.  There is a difference of loving someone to death and being in love with someone. Translation, I really care about you and it might work but I want to check out the other fish in the sea before committing to an emotional connection since I am coming out of a bad emotional connection. I hate to say it but you may just be a convenient booty call. I hope that this explains the female side of the thought process.  

Answer 3

I may be way off the mark but I can give you my opinion based on what you have written.  Doesn't mean its right its just what I see.  I think she probably feels very very secure and comfortable with you but perhaps you don't give her the excitement that she is looking for the excitement that we usually feel from someone totally new to us.  Either she doesn't intend to pursue anything with you long term or having been married and tied down to one person she wants to go out and explore a little before settling down again.  Considering the reason she is getting divorced may make the answer obvious.  Good luck.  If you really are interested perhaps you need to be direct and upfront and ask her.  Telling her what you want and the way you feel.  Good luck

Answer 4

She is on the rebound.  She isn't looking to settle down, she is looking to have fun and get out.  She probably thinks that you have the intention of settling down with her and she probably feels suffocated by that having come out of a divorce.  She is probably doing this to you because she doesn't want to lose you as a friend and knows that if you get serious this early after her divorce then it will probably not work out and the friendship will either be lost or changed.  Or maybe she just doesn't want a steady relationship with you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings so shes saying nice things.  

This girl is keeping you on a leash.  Don't be her pet.  Sounds to me like you have been there for her when things don't go her way and she expects that from you but doesn't want to give it to you in return.  She sounds selfish to me.  She shouldn't be stringing you out like this when you could be getting on with your life and finding someone who is ready to be with you now.  

Answer 5

You answered your own question!

She can date other guys because they're not special to her! She doesn't care if it doesn't work out, or if she can't connect with them emotionally! She's just trying to get herself out there, in that dating frame of mind so she can be ready for you and be everything that she can be for you. If she just got straight in to dating you, and she wasn't ready, it might ruin what you two have!

It really is obvious that you are very special to her, so start believing it!

Answer 6

She doesn't like nice men. She likes men who hurt her. But you are too close for her to turn you down. She feels bad that she doesn't feel the same way about you, so she feels that stringing you along is better than letting you down.

The other men are jerks, right? Yeah. Settle for being the nice guy that comforts her and every now and then gets to fool around.

Answer 7

She obviously doesn't wan't to hurt you. Women are like that some times confused about who they are in love with. Some times they don't know exactly what love is.

Answer 8

For me she knows exactly what she's telling you and she meant every words you heard from her. Obviously, she's more open to you than anyone as she treats you as her closest friend. Now..her dating with other guys..as she said..she's not emotionally ready for you and that's why she's being unfair and you said you totally understand that..and that's one of her reason she told you that..for her..dating other guys..she's trying to find exactly what she wants..and she just wanted to be sure if she really loves you as lover or as just friend..you see..she don't want to commit herself to you not until she's so sure of her own feelings..so again..when she said she 'loves you to death'..yes as friend and as more than that..that's what she's trying to find out now..so it's up to you now..

Answer 9

shes not ready for a mature relationship. she's just getting her freedom back form being tied up. She sounds like she does have feelings for you, she's just reaching a new point in her life where shes not tied to one person. I wouldn't be fooling around with her if she fooling around with other guys. Just be safe and give her, her space, try to watch out, you might just be a rebound guy, just a "special" friend, Someone she can talk to and knows what shes going through. Don't let her drag you on forever you need to live your life too.

Answer 10

Sounds like she is keeping her options open.  She cares about you, cherish your close friendship, however she is not sure what she really wants.  Period.  This is why she is dating other men and not you.  It is confusing . . . She will date you, when she is done dating all the other men on this earth, because you will still be waiting for her.  She is not ready to settle down with one man.  

Answer 11

In all honesty, she is probably just telling you she is more into you then she is to protect your feelings. If she wasn't ready to date, she wouldn't be dating at all. So that tells me, forgive me for being blunt, that she just doesn't want to date you. It seems she does value your friendship and wants you in her life, otherwise she wouldn't care about your feelings at all. Just talk to her, and ask her to be honest. If you want to remain friends even if a relationship doesn't come of it, let her know. If not, then it's best to let her go.

Answer 12

you are not special to her in 'that' way. you are rebound and someone to be there for her like you have been. she is dating others too on the rebound, but she is hoping to get serious with one of those.. you are just one of those 'friends' who is comfy for her, but she doesnt want to get serious with.

i tell my dog and cats they are special, but i dont date them..sorry dude..she is playing you

Answer 13

if i were to play devils advocate between her really believing you're special and her just being a jerk:

* She thinks your special - she could really feel that youre special and thats the reason why she's not ready to date you when shes ready to date other men. You're so special to her that she doesnt want to be totally involved with you until she's able to give you her full self emotionally. Right now she doesnt feel healed/whole and because she cares about you, she doesnt want to bring all this emotional baggage and an unwhole partner. But she still cant refrain from occasionally being intimate with you because she's so drawn to you. But she's okay with dating other men because she doesnt care as much about them and doesnt mind bringing her unwhole self into a relationship with them because she doesnt care whether it lasts or not.

Of course dating right now isn't going to help her "heal" or whatever because it's just dealing with extra drama. But she's probably also feeling lonely since she just came out of a divorce.

*She doesnt really think your special - On the other hand, she could just be messing with you and she's just being selfish by leading you on with the occasional intimacy. Like I said before, she just came out of a divorce and she sort of wants a man in her life so she messes around with you physically beause youre comfortable. For an actual date life, she'd rather go to people she doesnt really know that she could possibly find a relationship with. Or it could be that you guys are friends so it's comfortable for her to come to you for comfort and even intimacy but because you're friends, even if shes interested in a relationship, she also doesnt want to risk it in case it doesnt work out because then she could lose you as a friend.

It's impossible to tell unless it comes straight from her mouth. It could go either way. But these are just some explanations for how one or the other might be true.

Answer 14

personally, and i don't mean to sound rude, i think you're almost like her crutch, or safety. you were there for her during her divorce and stuff, so she probably knows that you would never hurt her, or do anything bad to her.

if i were you, i would talk to her and ask her.

you'll never get anything solved asking us, my friend :)

i hope it works out! :D

Answer 15

You are probably a nice guy for someone, maybe not her.  You need to focus on yourself and dating someone else to. You are probably special to her and you say that really too much. Sounds like you are hooked and she is just not ready for that,yet. She has just gotten out of a marriage that didn't work and is still hurting some. Give her room and hey who knows it could happen, but don't push it.