Feminists, can you explain this EXAMPLE of hypocrisy?

Question

I've posted several questions related to the "male player" topic and sleeping with women and not calling them afterwards.

The interesting part is that several "self proclaimed feminists" that are regulars at the forum claimed it was not right, especially if the man doesn't make it clear he is only after s*x.

So lets say I flirt with a woman and give her the "impression" that I want more than s*x. Then we sleep together and I never call her again.

You can say this is wrong, but you are over looking the fact that SHE DIDN'T CALL ME EITHER. The woman always expects the man to call. If she doesn't call ME and I don't call HER. Why does she have the right to get angry?

See my point? I've gotten the cold shoulder from many women I ran into months or years later that I never bothered to call back earlier. BUT THEY DIDN'T CALL ME EITHER!! So why the attitude?

Explain...........

Answer 1

Any level headed girl who knows what they are really worth will not be so full of herself. So if either of you dont call the other, she will still be reasonable and not make it look like its your fault not calling her. But, I agree with you - such people are very rare. I go through/deal with this conundrum every day.

Sometimes I put them on the spot by calling them FIRST and saying "I was waiting for your call, and didnt get one, so I m calling in to check". Sounds like a silly and immature game, but some people need to be put on the spot for me to really understand what they are made of.

Answer 2

You obviously display traits of a Neanderthal.  The mere notion of women just for s*x is a total loser mentality.  Why don't you just purchase a blow up doll, it will let you do as you please without expectation or resistance.  Because this is what you are describing, you want someone without regard for who or what they are or feel or need.  You dehumanize women, reduce them to "just" a vagaina.  Get real!

Answer 3

Well, I wouldn't sleep with you unless we were quite involved. So I can't say for sure about this one night stand business.

But, anyway, yeah, she should call if she was interested in more, if just to find out you weren't.

Answer 4

Your point is sound and really can't be challenged by people claiming to strive for equal relations, what probably jives people is that you play the role of a Lothario just a little too often.

Answer 5

As a feminist, the women you date and sleep with are really none of my business and I really don't care. Maybe those women are hypocrites. What does that have to do with me or feminism?

Answer 6

Well first of all, you're already in the wrong by giving her the "impression" that you want more than s*x.  That was false pretenses.  Had you not given her that impression, she might not have had s*x with you...and frankly, she deserves to know the truth about what you want before she has s*x with you.  s*x is ALWAYS a big investment for women, moreso than for men, because we risk pregnancy and becoming emotionally attached to the man, both of which are not problems for men, therefore, you must be honest about your intentions so we can decide whether or not to have s*x with you using correct information.  

As far as the he calls/she calls business, I'd agree that you're right...unless of course you told her, "I'll call you", in which case she has a right to expect that you will call her.  But regardless of whose responsibility it is to call whom, you are STILL in the wrong because you deliberately gave her the impression that she could expect more than s*x...you deceived her.

Answer 7

I'd call a guy back. ::shrugs shoulders::

Answer 8

I've had one-night stands.  Neither of us called the other.  But we both knew it was just for that night.  I did see him almost a year later and we grabbed a drink, were friendly and there were no hard feelings.  The key is that no one misrepresented themselves.

So why don't women call?  I think some women are too afraid of coming off as clingy and desperate to actually call the guy.  I also think she wants him to call her to validate her decision to sleep with him.  If he calls her back, then he really was interested in her and it was a good decision (Really, I've had friends who use this type of reasoning.)  

So why the cold shoulder months later?  The fact that you didn't call, means you lied about wanting more than just s*x.  When you see her months later, she's probably just as angry at herself for sleeping with you as she is at you for giving her the "impression you wanted more" and lying about it.   She doesn't see you as the guy who didn't call her back, she sees you as the liar who used her for s*x.    

But in terms of your little scenario, if a guy doesn't want more than s*x, he isn't going to care that she didn't call him either.  So HIS feelings don't get hurt.

Answer 9

Frankly, any woman who sleeps with a man on the first date has already come across as cheap. Then therefore, it may already be programmed in your mind she is cheap and therefore have no urge to contact her again.

Answer 10

Yeah, I actually agree with you.  I find it only respectful to call (whether the man or women calls) somebody and at least let them know that you are not interested, so nobody is left wondering.