Feminists: an essay that will make your very angry, Nonfeminists: An essay your will love

Question

It's called, "The Cost of Delaying Marriage" and it's awesome. I love it. But I want your thoughts.

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001135.cfm

**don't comment unless you actually read the whole thing*

Answer 1

I think you should have said :Feminists and Nonfeminists an essay you can both finaly agree upon!

Most of the antifeminists here seem to hate and fear marriage

I don't see how an essay that says "women should be happy and supportive of other women's choices" would make feminists angry or an essay encouraging women to not to "sow thier wild oats" and avoid marriage would make the people here who hate marriage happy. I could see the family values crowd liking it

Answer 2

I've been talking about this, and quoting feminist and non-feminist women about their warnings. that, the new sexual liberation for women will benefit men at the detriment of women over 30. I've been talking about this for a year. I'm glad the feminists are finally following our non-feminist lead, maybe they'll learn something now.

I love how Tracey espouses (no pun intended) to speak for women. Sorry, sugar lump, but I doubt very much that all these single moms and 30 year old never-beens are single by choice. Also, I don't believe you have friends.

Answer 3

I think it is well thought out and fairly accurate. However, I don't like the characterization of over 30s single men. And I must say there is a flip side to this story. The more negatively men have been portrayed by women during the feminist era, the less we want to have anything to do with you. So, if the article is correct (as I assume it is), why don't women develop a more positive attitude about men? If you simply want to talk about us as pathological neurotics, predators, Peter Pans or whatever...well we can focus on your vanity, self-righteousness, contradictoriness etc. instead of your better qualities too.

Answer 4

I agree and disagree. I agree simply because settling down early worked for me and it was my choice... but I only did because I was EXTREMELY lucky and found a great guy early on in my life, not because I felt I need to to settle down. And I disagree because settling down at a young age isn't the right thing for everybody... you need to settle down when it's right for you and when you feel it's right in your heart.

Answer 5

I don't like Dr. Dobson. I think this is ridiculous, right-wing, neoconservative 700 Club-like c**p to scare women into being submissive housewives instead of having a brain and embarking on something that might be good for her. God forbid she becomes successful in her career and marriage.

Poppycock is what this is!

Answer 6

"It may be one of the bad jokes that history occasionally plays on us," she concluded, "that the independence my mother’s generation wanted so much for their daughters was something we could not entirely appreciate or want."

I don't feel sorry for the women pouting because feminism no longer means Prince Charming will sweep in and treat them like fragile fairy princesses. These relationships invariably ended in disaster when the fairy tale was over.

In my circle of friends, most of the women who are not married right now in their 30s and 40s are thus because they are divorced. None of them aspires to marry again.  

Answer 7

I don't know why women continue to fight about it......I think both sides have their strong points and both have their week points.  For example, I am the oldest woman in my family to have no husband and no kids.  I have a great job, get time to travel, and feel like I have a fulfilling life.  The young married mothers sometiems looks at me and wish they did a little more before having children.  I see their children cuddle up in their lap and sometimes I think it would be nice to be a mother.  Niether one of us are any less "feminist" then the other and none of us judge each other, it's the paths out lives took us down.  

Answer 8

The longer a woman waits, the more partners she will accumulate, and the greater her husband's subconscious jealousy will be.

Hence the high divorce rate, so I hardly see that "delaying marriage" thing as "wisdom."

And what does a culture of violence and genocide know of "wisdom" anyway.

I prefer the Daoist view of China "get married as soon as you are able."

Answer 9

I have browsed through the article and am not angry.

No one can forcast or assume the emotional responses of others.

Answer 10

1 its a blog - her opinion.

#2 There is no giant cookie cutter where all persons are the same.

#3 Why would this make me angry- or why would non-feminists love it?    

Answer 11

It means that you can either be a positive or negative person, ie live your lift your own way and going after what will really make you happy or become a feminist moaner. Ok that's over simplified but the jist of the argument is perfectly valid in my humble opinion.

Why do so many women claim to be feminist? Why not just be a strong adult human being in your own right!?

Answer 12

She stated her views in an intelligent manner, and did well for her side.

I will allow the feminist to attack with "it doesn't represent me or ALL women".

Answer 13

First let me start with saying that I feel that the role of a woman in this society is neither here nor there, we can have it all, so to speak, at the cost of high stress levels, we could have it one way or the other (married and have kids before you're 30 or wait until after 30 with the career and some sense of accomplishment) but I do believe at no matter what age you decide is best for you to "settle down" it is imperative that a woman should know who she is and have developed her identity as an individual before committing to something as monumental as marriage and having children. It is the lack of self knowledge and personal growth that comes between two people in a young marriage.

I am not putting getting married before 30 down, I was married at 20 and had my first baby at 21, but I felt and still feel that I know who I am aside from my role as a wife and mother, and have no doubt in my mind, even now, that I made the right choice, for me. Everyone is different and shouldn't evaluate their lives according to someone else's opinion.

Answer 14

to me it sound the same as another one of those woman who love wearing aprons , baking cakes and vacuuming the house, dusting around and making supper. who carez if thass what she wanted to do in life apart from writing a book out of it to tell the same to people who are already doing the same thing. what a bore basically she knew she was not capable of any better and stop faking as if did it out of choice.

wasted my time on it

Answer 15

It sounds to me like she's projecting her own experiences onto others in an attempt to deflect blame for her own dissatisfaction with her life.  She made choices that were wrong for her, but those same choices aren't right for everyone else.  I'm 40 (well, in a few weeks) and have no biological alarm clock.  In fact, at 28, when I was supposed to be noticing mothers and babies, I was so paranoid and afraid of becoming pregnant that I had a tubal ligation.  Best decision of my life, because I still have zero desire for a child.  

Many of us are happy and fulfilled, just like many men are happy and fulfilled with non-traditional lives.  Her essay is reminiscent of The Cabin and Parlor  - a discourse on why slavery really was great.  Sure, some people were happy under that system, but that doesn't mean everyone had it so well.  In fact, those people were a minority.  Being independent and forging your own identity and destiny can be scary.  Most of us manage just fine.

Answer 16

That was a very long and painful read which although it did have a couple of legitimate points to make was basically a waste of time.

Answer 17

Personally alike many other men - I have no intention of marriage.

Why exactly should I? It is not and never has been my dream.

If someone needs a contract with fiscal connotations to it to show love then feck em - they wouldnt know it if it bit em on the *** :P

Answer 18

Seems a bit cliched. It may describe her own circumstances, but it certainly doesn't describe the lives of women that I know. Plus couples that marry younger are more likely to get divorced.

Answer 19

you must have gotten carried away; that's why you mistyped.

er, that's the only question i can find here... no further comment.

Answer 20

Well me and my husband met in June, started dating in July, engaged in October and were married by November. It worked for us, I was 21. But it does not work for everyone. All relationships are individual just like the people in them and therefor can not be expected to follow a time-line. If you want to wait till your 40 who's business is it but your own?

Answer 21

Has it occurred to her that some women actually are happy not to get married or have children? That women can have perfectly fulfilling love lives without actually going through the marriage process? That men in their 30's aren't so shallow as to reject women their age right off the bat? That single career women have social lives to go with their piles of pay stubs? That they have better things to do with their time than get drunk and hook up with random men? That marrying young is genuinely wrong for certain couples and they should be left to their own devices? ANYTHING?

This "You'll end up old and alone" scare tactic may have worked in the 50's, but it won't work anymore.

Answer 22

It was difficult to get through the whole article but I did it! Yeah me!  As for what is says I think it is wrong.  I know very few girls that were married in my early twenties that are still married now.  Most are divorced, some of which are single mothers.  They all realized to late that they were to young to know who they were let alone what they wanted in a mate.  Couples that waited till they knew themselves are still together even if they had dated for years before.  You can not love some one else until you love yourself.  Since the author made it sound like getting married in the fifties was the same as we now pick an apartment I have a similar analagy.  To me marriage in your 20's is like buying a house for the first time to soon without an expert to point out termite damage.  You don't know what you are going to need, want, or look for in a house.  It may not fit your needs and if you don't do your research the house may be a lemon.

Answer 23

Na i think Arthur Schopenhauer's essay on Women would have made them more angry

Answer 24

What a well written and intelligent article. I would recommend this to any woman. No doubt some on G&WS will say its reactionary nonsense, but you can see the truth shining out of almost every line written.

However the author overlooked one obvious point: many of the women who promoted feminism were women who had no desire to have a man in their life. However they promoted their own vision of an ideal world as a vision that should suit all women, and now that we are waking up from the dream its a pretty grim reality that we face.

Thanks for highlighting this article, and well done to the author.

Answer 25

Being a mother or career woman is a choice that someone should make for themselves and not rely on others.  Many who decide one or the other may have regrets later in life - or they may not.  It's reasonably true that women have more power when they are younger and have less wrinkles.  And if you can find the right person - what's wrong with staying with them whether you have kids now or not?  The push for marriage doesn't destroy a career.  Having children can be managed also, albeit to a lesser extent.

Answer 26

There is always a happy medium of giving of yourself and taking from others....not just in marriage.  No big surprise.

Answer 27

Some of it could make sense, except the article is assuming a whole lot.  Just because a woman is not married by 30, does NOT mean that she is single. In fact, the entirety of the article is founded on the assumption that a woman over 30 is single and then must FIND a man.  However, like myself and many other women I know, at 27 I'm not married, but I am with a man I love, respect, and trust.  So what about THESE women?  They are conveniently absent from the article.

Furthermore, the article fails to address that in older marriages (around 30 and above) the rate of divorce is lower.  Why?  Because these women usually understand themselves, have a strong understanding of what they want in life, in a relationship, and from another person.  Usually they have more of an understanding of love and marriage (note I said usually).

Lastly, the author uses the word "independent" in a very odd manner.  As if once a woman is married she is no longer "independent".  Does that mean she no longer is her own person with her own goals or desires?  That she must be a half of another person?  Independent does not just mean being capable of taking care of ones own self but also knowing who oneself is and being a whole person.  I can be independent and still married. This does not mean I don't love, care, or dote on my man, it just means that he is not the entirety of my existence.  Wether it is a career, goals, or some other form of expression, both individuals in a couple can be together, happy, and still express individuality and independence.  

So, yes, I disagree with the article.  However, there is the possibility that it may be true for some people, but certainly not all.

Answer 28

So, to summarize, "get married quick, before all the good guys get snatched up."

As it turns out, some of us guys are waiting on the marriage thing, too.  I've got a good thing going with my current girlfriend, but I'm 23 and she's 22, and we're both heavily invested in educations for careers that will take quite a few more years to reach fruitation (I'm in physics research and college teaching; she's in electrical engineering and HCI research).  Despite the fact that we suit each other very well and certainly more than either of our ex's and we've been dating for well over a year, marriage is simply a ridiculous prospect at this age; it would bind and restrict a pair of lives that are still too unpredictable for such pretension at permanent plans.

I would hope that no woman would be encouraged by this article to rush into marriage with a compromise for fear that all the good ones will be snatched up.  This is exactly the sort of rhetoric that abusive partners use to scare their victims into sticking with them.