Feminists didn't we fight for the right to CHOOSE?

Question

So why is there lots of bickering between women who chose to have a career and women who chose to have the career of housewife? To me it's just ridiculous and I don't really understand the animosity and the put downs like "Housewives do nothing but bake cookies all day" or "Career women don't love their families enough" I am getting kind of sick of it. So WHY DO YOU hate the other side? What are your thoughts?

Answer 1

You make a great point! I think the basis of feminism is choice, and allowing every woman to live her life the way she'd like.

I believe in equality, but in my personal life I've chosen to be submissive to my boyfriend, and I'd like to be a SAHM when I get married. It feels right for me, and I'm much happier than I would be as a career woman.

Do whatever works for you, and don't mind the radicals! :)

Answer 2

The hostility comes from women who are insecure about their own choice. They hesitate to give credit to women who made the opposite choice because it makes them question their own decision. And that makes people uncomfortable.

Answer 3

Exactly.  It is simply ignorance.  No one has a right to dictate or judge what another person chooses to do with their lives.  Each are equally important jobs as far as I am concerned, and I've done both.

Answer 4

The right to choose includes choosing to be a homemaker. h**l, it even includes choosing to be one of those Ann Coulter-types. I call them the Uncle Toms of feminism. It's perfectly acceptable, as long as you know that you have options--you don't have to be June Cleaver.

Edit: Betty, not all children that grew up with a mother that worked turned out bad. I get what you're saying, but it's predicated on a number of generalizations. If you have the statistics to show, I'll happily change my opinion but until then, I feel you're just talking out of your ***.

And for that matter, even if you are right...why should a woman have to stay home with her child? Why shouldn't a man?

In countries like Sweden, men get the same amount of maternity leave as women and this in turn promotes gender equality. Why is it a woman's responsibility to be the parent?

Answer 5

agreed the mommy war is silly... there is allot of silly going around today!

but seriously... I think both sides of the argument have good points, but why cant they live and let live? oh they use children as there driving force, that's why.

edit @ happy... I share your situation. I am happy in my career, but when me and the hubster are ready to have kids, I would like to stay home for the fist few years of their life... but doing both is really hard if you are strapped for cash, thus the battle rages on.

Answer 6

the biggest feminist i know quit her job as a nonprofit director to stay home with her baby for awhile.  it's good for the child, makes financial sense, and it was her choice.  i say we ought to support choices.  i completely support what you are saying.

Answer 7

True feminists should promote a woman's right to live the life she chooses.  That was one of the main points of early feminism- if women wanted to work (or needed to) they should have the ability to.

I do believe there is a lack of respect for women who choose to stay at home and I agree, it is completely ridiculous.  A women should never judge another for the choices she made, that completely defeats the purpose of feminism!

I also believe that you can be a feminist and a stay at home mom, it's all about supporting women's freedom to choose a path that suits her needs.

Answer 8

I feel that I get well meaning advice from people.  I tell people I am seriously considering not having children at all and I get "But you don't know how much my children add to my life" or "So you think you'll be happy just working".  I think it's a woman thing definitely.  Don't hear a lot of men bashing each other for choosing/not choosing to have families.

Answer 9

your right the mommy wars are BS......but we have radicals on BOTH sides who doesn't see it as a choice.  Both sides get  nasty and cut throat...meaning radical feminist and the radical traditionalist.

edit: lol don't worry about the TD, I have a stalker/fan who follows me around with the TD's...could say...."hello"....and get one.

OIC....in all honesty you do what is right for YOU and your family.  Some women are content to stay at home, want and need to be a SAHM.  Others are driven to insanity (raising hand).   If you take serious time off expect to start over, employers dont give the "right to choose"

Do NOT do something, b/c it's what others want you do to do.

Once again you do what is right for your family and YOU.

and ignore stupid ya trolls...like they should impact your life.

Answer 10

You will notice that not one working woman came on here to discredit or denounce SAHM but you did get those who were preaching against being a working mom.   So its not us who are bickering.

Answer 11

What makes me want to scratch out a SAHM eyes with my manicured tips  is that she says that im not a good mother because im selfish and choose to work. or that raising a family is too boring that i have to go out and work

Hello!!!

Is it selfish to want to feed my child and put a roof over her head???

I hope and pray  they never find themselves a single parent because they will eat their words.

Answer 12

I'm older than a lot of people here-I'm 50-and I was told night and day that my "duty" was to marry and have kids. The only reason my parents wanted me to go to college was in case anything happened to my spouse-they wanted me to be able to support my family. Thank goodness my parents are practical-even if they are very traditional! I said many negative things in my teens and early twenties about marriage and having kids and being a housewife-yet I still married when I was 21. I never had kids and was not a housewife-and have no regrets. But after I felt like I finally had a choice about what I could do with my life-I no longer was upset about what other people chose to do with theirs. When people push you - you push back. I now try to respect the choices of women whether I understand it or not-but I still don't like being told what I "should" do to be a "real" woman-whether I"m being nicely told or not by a man or a woman..

Answer 13

last time i was checking, it was a free country. and yes we fought for the right to vote; a freedom we've had for awhile. freedom means one gets to choose. so if someone chooses to do one or the other, no one should open their big fat mouths, on either side, in order to ***** about someone's right to make the opposite choice. it's called an opinion...not fact.

Answer 14

I don't hate any woman for doing what works best for their families and their income/ budgeting skills.

I would only appreciate that they don't make snide comments about my high heel collection and I'll keep the "soap opera watching" comments to a minimum...

hehe, I'm joking, but why ask a question about why someone hates someone else? Doesn't that give your question a negative tone from the start, causing people to lash out? Just my thoughts...

Answer 15

I don't know, and it sure is old.

To heck with what the other people think. You do what is best for you and your family, not for a bunch of trolls. :)

Answer 16

I believe people who are career oriented, should not have children, because what can you offer them in the way of quality time? Children need time, not money or diversions! For the most part unless their mother has been an absolute beast in some way, children have had a closer relationship with their mothers, because it was the mother who carried them for nine months, the mother who fed them, and the mother who spent the most time with them. Making the decision to get pregnant and then pretending after the birth that you should not be the primary care giver is riduculous and selfish. There is a reason why females give birth and not males, and to continue to argue against science is ignorant. People dont make time for their kids anymore and the kids are turning into horrible brats who purposely act out in order to get their parents attention any way they can. So this is obviously not working for society. You can still exercise your right to choose by not dramatically altering the life of another human being who you insisted on giving birth to only to spend less time with. A child needs a full time parent, not a part time parent.

Answer 17

Seems to me to be as much a way for Antifeminists to discredit feminism as it is a real issue with feminism

Its pretty easy to make a comment about house wive and get an extreme feminist to make a derogatory comment then use that derogatory comment to discredit moderate feminists

Answer 18

Being a homemaker conjures up an image of somebody who is subservient and as far as I am concerned, I don't like that. It's not kosher with me.

Answer 19

I agree with you, but I can't relate for a woman aspiring to be a housewife....And here's why....I know two women who were married for more than 20 years when their marriage went sour, both well into their 50's.  They spent their years caring for their families (which is a noble and good thing to do).  The problem is, their husbands brought home the money all those years and had themselves established in the work force, now these fine women are forced to re-define themselves and are so behind the 8 ball they can't even qualify as secretaries.

Women can be whatever they want to be, but in my opinion it would do the more maternal women well if they don't spend an excessive amount of time being a housewife.  In other words, you always have to think about yourself to some point or one day all your efforts might leave you where these two women are.  And these women are where they are because they believed (no joke) in the "woman's role", and they made a conscious choice.  Now they see it wasn't necessarily the "best" choice they could've made.

Answer 20

I don't hate the other side unless they hate me.