Feminists making false assumtions about stay at home moms?

Question

Recently I recieved several nasty emails because I'm a stong advocate of women staying at home to raise their own children. I realize in very FEW cases its necessary for a mom to have to work out side of the home.

There were a lot personal attacks in these emails about my intelligence, lack of having a life, abused and oppressed by my husband, being a brain washer cookie cutter woman, etc.

Would those women change their mind if they knew me? I'm far from "cookiecutter". I'm covered in tats, hold several California state records in shot-put and discus, have a collage degree, help run our sucessful business, home school our three children, was a print and catalog model in my teens and have a small jewlery making business on the side.

Does that sound like I felt I had no other options in life than to "just be a mom"?? Or is it that feminists are intimidated by an intelligent woman who can read the writting on the wall about feminism and choose NOT to BUY into the lie.

Your thoughts?

Answer 1

You were the originator of the communications that resulted in those nasty emails, weren't you, cupcaque?  

And I've seen nastier, more self-righteous c**p posted by you than any feminist has ever posted.  

Feminists don't criticize you for your choices.  Who the h**l are you to criticize anyone else for hers or his?

Answer 2

I think your as big of a hypocrite as they are.  You lump all feminist up into a ball of our worse representatives because your upset that they lumped you into a little ball of your worst representatives.  How about a little empathy and neither one of us judge the other by our radicals?

Speaking of other options though why do you insist on not letting others have them?  Hmmm its like your a L*****n stuck in a married women body miserable with your life taking it out on other women? Just because your miserable doesn't mean you can take it out on others.

Answer 3

Feminism has become a movement of faith, like most believers feminists react hostile to each and everything that questions their faith.

Actually if you are fairly low on the totem pole, it takes 2 salaries in America to sustain a family and most people are fairly low on the totem pole. feminism created that situation by increasing supply of workers and women earning additional money contribuiting to inflation, but try to explain to a woman that earning more money doesnt necessarily mean earning more money. In other words the beneficial effects of 2 income households evaporated long ago, as homebuilders and other suppliers adjusted their prices to take into account the earning power of the typical 2 paycheck household.

Answer 4

I never would attack your intelligence, but I feel kind of attacked when u say only in a FEW cases is justified a woman work out side of the home, because it seems we, woman who wants to pursue goals have to “justify” what we wants.

Answer 5

Feminists are not intimidated by intelligent women with "collage" degrees.  

We are really sad when these women are trying to play teacher and home school their children.

Answer 6

Get a Job

Answer 7

When did you get these emails- you have only been on YA for 2 weeks.    I can't see any feminist on GWS sending you such an email.  

You can advocate for women staying home but you have no right to demand others live their lives to suit you.   Feminism is not a lie but a choice of how you want to live your life.    I am glad you are where you want to be.   But if you are running a couple of businesses you aren't quite a full time SAHM.

Answer 8

SAHM does not helps the political agenda of feminist. So the feminazi atacks them. Just as they atack anyone that do not think like them.

If it where for them, all women would be man haters and all men would be gutless slaves. They tried and continue trying to further their propaganda and continue brainwashing the people.

Answer 9

It sounds as though they're more upset at you forcing your opinions on them, and how they should live THEIR lives, than they are at YOUR life. Perhaps you should take a step back and realise that not all women want to stay at home year after year and look after their children. There are other ways. Be more open minded.

Answer 10

It's not being a strong advocate of staying at home that bothers people. It's the fact that you make a point of putting down mothers who do have a choice to work and take advantage of it. I'm sure your husband treats you well and you're as intelligent as anyone else here, but you're also being very hypocritical right now.

Answer 11

They may be feeling attacked because you are calling any other life style a lie. I think your writing is a little agressive. If you toned it down and just state your opinion without the aggression I bet you would receive positive answers.

Answer 12

I have been in your shoes exactly! When I first got on here I was being attack constantly. I still am from time to time, but I think the GWS chat room has help our attitudes toward each other. I will email you the link. I have my opinions and others have theirs, but that isn't a reason for us to attack each other's beliefs.

PS- I am a Stay Home Mom and wife and I love it! I think that some women work for the sole purpose of feeling independent. I feel independent being at home! I don't have to send my baby to day care and get a job to feel independent. This is what it all comes down to; What are you going to be more proud of when you are on your death bed, your career success or your children and husband who appreciate the time you took to care for them and the unconditional love you showed them throughout the years? I would think the latter. Just a thought though.

EDIT: I hate when women say "If it makes you happy" as if we should live our lives seeking self-happiness. In serving other like our family and husband can we find what true happiness is! I actually take it to be offensive when someone says that to me. Not that I'm not happy, because I am totally am, but I shouldn't be doing it because it benefits MY happiness! I should be striving to serve others and by doing that, God blesses me with happiness. It's a perk!

Answer 13

Pretty ridiculous that you are getting evil emails for standing up for what you believe in since we all have that right.

I think that a working woman and a stay at home mom have equally important jobs.  I was lucky enough to be able to stay at home with my daughter until she was 4 years old and entered school.  I wanted to do that, it was important to me to raise her in the early years.  I am an intelligent person, I have a good job, and I have a great, well rounded daughter!  

No one has a right to judge either choice!  It is YOURS!!

Many women don't realize what a stay at home Mom does, I guess they figure they sit on their a$$ and watch soap operas or something.  That is not the case, most are moulding their child for the future, and that is important!

Answer 14

DEEP DOWN INSIDE THEY KNOW THEIR WRONG.

Answer 15

Unfortunately, there is more than enough criticism and negativity to go around.  

I envy women who are lucky enough to stay at home with their kids.  My bff is a stay-at-home Mom.  I envy the extra time she gets with her kids that I don't get with mine.  I envy her being able to actually CLEAN her house, when I just do the best I can after 9 p.m. when everyone's settled in bed.  I envy her having the freedom to go to the grocery store in the middle of the day instead of running through it at top-speed at night, or worse yet, on the weekend when I should be playing with my kids.  

I am a Working Mom.  My bff envies my being able to talk to adults during the day.  She envies that I earn my own money and don't have to ask my husband for my "allowance" every month, as she does.  She envies that there are those who I spend 9-5 with me who "need me" for more than wiping their noses or cleaning up their cheerios.  She envies my hour for lunch, when nobody is tugging at my skirt for attention, and I get to eat what I want - not what I know will be eaten when shared off my plate.

I work because I have to.  My husband is a teacher; I am a secretary.  We are not high-end people.  We do not make gobs of money and drive fancy SUV's.  We do not eat out, except for very rare occasions.  We haven't been to a movie in years - instead we have NetFlix for $4.99 a month.  We have a nice house, but it's not a mansion by any means.  2 of my kids share a room.  My car is 13 years old; my husband's car is 9 years old.  My mother-in-law helps us with our kids when we're not there, and we pay her for that.  I work because I have to, because if I didn't, we wouldn't have enough to make ends meet.  I work because Christmas comes once a year and I want to make sure they get a little something "special" on that day.  I work so that for one week out of the year, we can stay at a cheap hotel on the beach, and eat out every night, and have ice cream, and my kids think we're "richer than movie stars."  Our kids are happy, healthy, well-adjusted, do well in school, and are very, very loved.  Every bit as loved as my bff's kids.

S-A-H-M's:  Please don't lash out at those of us who work outside the home.  You don't really know ALL of the reasons why we work outside the home.  Everybody has a story.

WM's:  Please don't assume that just because a woman chooses to stay home, it's because she is being forced to do so by a controlling husband, or because she lacks the drive or the initiative to work outside the home.  

We are all just doing the best we can, aren't we?

Answer 16

Amazing, isn't it?  We have a forum that provides people the ability to offer input on certain subjects of interest.  Not only have they placed a 'thumbs down' option for those who wish to express their disapproval, but these people somehow feel the need and right to personally attack others for the opinions they hold.  Long live free speech???  Whatever!

Congrats on living the lifestyle of your choice, and my hat is off to you for your creativity and obvious energy level!!!

Answer 17

Consider for a moment the mess they will make of their children by "out sourcing" their care and the emptiness that will be theirs when they are in the fullness of their years because they have driven everyone away form themselves with their militancy.... look at it and tell me.... in what possible way are the choices they are making better than the ones you are making.

Answer 18

It's not just feminists who make false assumptions about stay at home mothers - it's anyone who doesn't care enough to enlighten or educate themselves about what a stay at home mother does. There's a user on this site who is a huge advocate of staying at home and looking after her children and before I read some of her posts and answers, I didn't have a clue. It's really good answerers like her that are opening up the eyes of many who either didn't care about the topic, or simply had no idea.

Feminist or not, it's a case of ignorance. If you want people to know what you do and reveal the myths about staying at home - do so by giving intelligent and polite information about them in responses, questions etc.

Answer 19

"Recently I recieved several nasty emails because I'm a stong advocate of women staying at home to raise their own children."

Perhaps you received the e-mails not because you believe that staying home to raise your own children is a valid choice for you, but because you presume to know what other people's choices should be. Perhaps you should try leaving others alone to lead their lives as they sit fit, and people wouldn't send you nasty e-mail?

Answer 20

The thing that always amuses me about career mothers is that they always say they couldn't stand staying at home with the children, how boring it is etc, yet they expect someone else to look after their kids for them and NOT be bored by it.  why?  And they're always moaning about the cost as well.  So they think looking after children is really boring, yet they expect someone else to do it for peanuts!

I'm always amazed also that people feel that the only possible interest anyone could have in their life is their work.  So if you are a stay-at-home mother, you must be interested in nothing except your husband and children.  I find that quite extraordinary as well.  Do people with paid jobs not have interests other than their work?  why then would they assume that stay-at-home mothers don't also have other interests?

These people who have emailed you sound very, very disturbed to me, and i wouldn't pay any attention to them.  they've lost the plot completely.  I suspect they're probably envious of anyone who actually has some intererests beyond their job.

Answer 21

You might get fewer nasty emails if you showed respect for the decisions of women who don't stay at home. I don't care that you're a SAHM... seriously, good for you, you're doing what you feel is best. But don't you dare tell me I'm wrong for not being like you. I'll bite your head off.

In other words, you are doing the exact thing you're complaining about. Stoppit.

Answer 22

Why do you even care what they think if you are happy with what you are doing? The only people whose inputs you should care about are your own and the people you care about. You should respond to them by telling them to mind their own business and to p**s off.

Answer 23

i had always wished if my mom could shut her fantasy up that "women working outside and forget the kids, they'll grow up and learn" she's been taking as sophistical. working outside makes a woman strong and successful? this is so unfair as full-time housewives automatically described as losers. real success is in fact, on attitude. as i've been growing up in feminism-minded family, apart of family probs, i had to face many self-confrontation, painful moments only to accept the fact that i'm a female who could simply be happy by staying at home. yeah, you're right. it's so not like we do nothing; or merely houseworks without using brain and be a submissive idiot to the husband. even the husband is busy enough that he won't have all the time to tell the wife what to do and how to do.

strength & intelligence are qualities. and no way for a successful at home women unless with both of them. doing houseworks, facing probs, get knowledge, educate children and other housewives jobs aren't easy though. it's also a profession.

if women with houseworks could be viewed as great as men with outside works, then that's equality.

however, too bad, women with houseworks (only) with no working outside are called losers. oh yeah, winners are determined through the men-originated tasks. -right. i got that.

kids need their mother. kids need their parents.

Answer 24

Over the past 30 years, I've personally known of SAHMS who are also feminists and active in groups like NOW or NARAL, and I've also known lots of verifiable "career women" who want nothing to do with feminism, who are quite conservative in their politics and religious beliefs...and who tend to pursue very domesticated and traditionally "feminine" interests when they aren't at work. Example? I know of banking VPs and college professors who in their spare time scrapbook, bake or knit.   You can see a lot of these sorts of folks living in small to mid-sized towns all over the West.

So one can't stereotype these days... it's not all black and white, so either/or.

At any rate, it sounds to me like you're just feeling defensive...and are being a little oversensitive. Bottom line? There will ALWAYS be someone who is not going to agree with whatever your choice.  If you try to please all, you'll please none.

If you're truly happy being a SAHM as you assert that you are, then  why should you care what those other people, complete stranger, have to say? If you don't want to be challenged with "nasty" emails, then maybe you should set your yahoo!answers up not to accept email...and you shouldn't provoke their wrath with "questions" like this one, or impose your values on others.  Let each person decide for themselves what is right for them and their families.