Fetish Question....?

Question

I just complained about them...and then this popped in my head. lol

I've often heard, that women who are more dominated in public and around the work place or "outside" world. Are more likely to be submissive in the bedroom.

And the shy little secretary is more likely to be a d********x.

Is this true, and back by some kind of evidence? or is it just rumor?

Does this affect men as well?

While we are on s*x...what makes a person have a fetish...especially the weird ones like crushing bugs, s*x while dressed like an animal or ball kicking?

Answer 1

I don't know about the former part of your question, I think it's fun to take turns.

As for why people get weird fetishes, I've heard theories ranging from wonky cross-wiring in the brain to childhood exposure (example, you were playing doctor in your bedroom with the boy/girl next door, in the throes of your first arousal, and he/she squashed a bug. There...s*x and crushing bugs forever embedded together in your brain.)

Answer 2

Good question!

I myself am pretty reserved & quiet but I do carry myself w/ respect & confidence. I have to say though that I do like the idea of being submissive &/or being dominated/sexually humiliated, I don't know why. I wasn't abused & was raised in a loving home w/ 2 parents intact. I guess for me, it's just the feeling of surrendering total control to my lover. I don't know where it comes from but the fetish of "Daddy's Little Girl" appeals to me somewhat. It's totally private though & all I can say is thank God this site is anonymous. That's about as far as my "kink" goes, I have no desire to be ridiculed in public or elsewhere except for the bedroom. In my opinion, s*x needs to be spicy sometimes so why not?

Answer 3

I've heard that as well, but it doesn't apply to me. I have a submissive nature as well as being submissive/masochistic in the bedroom, although I'm not afraid to stand up for myself if I need to. People's bedroom interests can often be surprising, compared to how they present themselves in everyday life.

It's thought that fetishes are formed from an early association between sexual pleasure and the object... for example, a man who was made to feel guilty as a child/teen for having sexual thoughts may develop a humiliation fetish. I think there's an element of genetics involved too; some people are more likely to develop fetishes than others.

I don't really understand where mine comes from, because I was never abused as a child. It's just the way I am. I think everyone has some kind of unusual sexual interest or fantasy, and most are harmless.

Answer 4

I'm stubbornly submissive. I will do what my husband wants, but I also want him to do what I want. I don't realize that I am so stubborn until he tells me I am. I guess it's because I am so used to tell people what to do because I am the oldest daughter of 10 kids. I am more submissive in bed, but my husband wants me to be more dominant. I thinks it's just because we are both tired and want eachother to do all the work. LOL!

Answer 5

Did you mean...

"that women who are more "dominant" in public"

"dominant" instead of "dominated "

I don't fully agree, I think feminine sexuality is inherently masochistic and wants to be submissive and dominated(atleast in the bedroom)....just my opinion.

If that theory is true, then it would mean that someone like Tracey is a ultra submissive walkover in the bedroom??, she's probably into S&M and enjoys getting tied up and whipped etc??

I think its  a possible theory I do know of one person, a scrawny guy who is very submissive in public but very dominant towards his wife, maybe taking out his anger on his  wife...who knows.

Answer 6

I'm in charge of my life, responsible for every detail.  Though I wouldn't call myself dominant.  At work, I have no desire to be in charge, I just want to do my work to the best of my ability.  In the bedroom, I can go both ways, though I prefer to be the submissive one.  But by choosing to be submissive, I am the one in charge, because my partner wouldn't be dominating me unless I wanted him to.  So, there's a degree of perspective involved as well.

Answer 7

You're being a little ignorant by the sounds of it. Who are you to say crushing bugs whilst having s*x (or whatever you're implying) is weird? Personally, I'm not into it, I'd rather 4 guys and me in a locker room. However I'm sure some people would look at what I perceive as a hella good time, to be a form a humiliation and then some.

You have to think of the bigger picture, maybe you're the one that's weird?

Answer 8

within the bdsm community this concept seems to be pretty widespread. it isnt a fact or statistic or anything so much as an explanation offered by many individuals as to why they choose the position they do in the bedroom... a prime example comes from one of teachers of a bdsm class i attended.

" i manage an office all day and spend half my time telling people what to do, so when i get home and take off the work clothes i take off the responsibility too. i de stress by choosing to give up complete control to someone else"

sometimes a fairly take charge and confident person wants to feel out of control or humiliated while the type of meek person in everyday life who is constantly controlled by others might love to take control in the bedroom.. i think it strikes a balance for them somehow.

i know for me i prefer the illusion of being controlled or forced to do something i  "dislike" in the bedroom because in my everyday life i feel like i have too much control or respect accredited to me that i havent earned.

i think that s*x is one of the few bastions of personal freedom where we feel it is more than appropriate to live out our fantasies and let down our walls.

as far as fetishes go, there can be many many reasons and associations that cause them. i have heard friends specify that tasting, or consuming something that was inside of their partner makes them feel closer to them or more intimate ( examples - s***n, urine, etc...)  some people find body odors to be more intimate because they feel like theyve shed their last bit of societal masking, and are completely without barriers between them. stocking fetishes can blend the "proper" with the naughty. underwear fetishes can reveal a desire for mystery or prolonged anticipation etc...

example one -  a guy who maybe used to look at p**n on his lunch break might eventually associate food with s*x and want to combine the two (of course this is an extremley over simplified reference) and develop a fetish for foodplay

example two -  someones mind may go down this path

                     animals = wild

                     wild = uninhibited = passionate

I'm sure with that as a primer you could likley see what direction theyre heading.

in basic terms the list for these could go on infinately for each fetish as well as each individual, but i hope i have at least shed some light onto the processes at whic people may derrive their tastes.

Answer 9

I've heard a lot of women imply that who they are in the bedroom and who they are out of it are very different. That includes me.

Answer 10

i'm a subbie in a D/s relationship, but i am very non-submissive in dealing with the outside... MiLady is quite assertive in the outside world and very much a Domme with me. She has Friends that are Dommes, but also has F/friends that are not part of the D/s lifestyle.

She is not a shy Person and is a senior manager in Her firm. She is well liked and respected in Her workplace.  

Answer 11

can be true, it's all about extreemes and dynamics

Answer 12

i heard something like that but its not always true the causes of this m*******t/s****t thing involves your early childhood

EDIT: one theory is that if you are a man and your mom who is very loving beats you when you are a baby, you consider it a form of love so you learn to like it and be submissive. if a girl is hit by her mom she will think that giving pain is a form of giving love.

other fetishes like black stockings simulate hair

or if you have a fetish for pantyhose it could be simulating sweaty shiny legs.

the causes for fetishes are still unknown but scientists think it all has to do with how your mom and dad were when you were a baby

masochists and sadists have an equal population in both genders, i was just reading some articles about it today.

for guys yeah its the same thing, i appear very dominant but sexually im not

Answer 13

Well, it doesn't hold true for me, I'm dominant to the outside world and the bedroom.

As for the odd fetishes, well the ball kicking one I can understand, it's a pain thing, some people love pain and for men the most painful thing is a kick to the jewels, it's basically masochism, see, most guys who like getting kicked in the gonads also like being whipped, bite, scratched and all that. No all of them but many of them.

As for some of the strange ones, like balloon popping, I don't really understand it but hey, if that's their thing then that's their thing, as long as they aren't hurting anyone or anything it don't bother me.

Answer 14

Very good point, yes it does affect men as well

Answer 15

if it had any truth to it then maybe it's because fantasy is fantasy, completely different from every day life. So if they are the dominant ones in society then in the bedroom they can play around with a completely different side to themselves, and vice versa.

Answer 16

This is true for me, at work i'm an extrovert who has no problems making her opinions/thoughts/criticisms known (it's my job to be picky). behind closed doors (in bed) i am submissive and love to be told how and what to do, forced even. i think it lends a sort of balance to me. i have notice the opposite with my partner he is quiet and shy in public but quite demanding in bed.

Answer 17

Causes of fetishes and other information:

http://psychologytoday.com/conditions/fe...

I used to be submissive both in and out of the bedroom, though not in the BDSM lifestyle, very vanilla.  

I was the nice person at work who remembered the birthdays and was always there to help.  I ended up getting used and had to learn to be more assertive in my life outside the bedroom.  I still am not highly assertive, but I work on it.