Fiance and Mother trouble.

Question

I have finally found a guy that I love completely. We have been together for almost a year now and a few months ago he proposed. We talked about it and have decided to wait at least a year or so until we do get married. The trouble is my mother. She has never liked him and I have caught her several times telling me things about him that just aren't true. Like how he is secretly on meds and how he will cheat on me and how he has all the signs of being abusive. He has never raised his voice, threatened to hit me nor have I ever heard from talking to his friends heard to be that type of person. She also says that he steals money from her when she isn't paying attention but the thing is he has a job and doesn't need money. He is financially stable. But my whole family believes my mother and I am scared to bring my fiance around because I don't like fighting. I am on almost non-speaking terms with my mother and now my whole family wont talk to me. What do I do? She has never liked him even when we first started dating. I have done everything possible to get her to like him and she refuses. How can I fix this?

Answer 1

You cant. Everyone seems to think there In laws are part of there imidiate family. WRONG! Imediate family husband wife children & grand parents. Yes the grandparent are the same as the inlaws. diffrence being the grand parents responsability is to spend time & concern on there granchildren. In laws shold respect that there children are grown & have there own family. unless they did a horrible job raising there children. They should know there children are grown & capable of living there adult lives. Either your mother has no cofadence in who you are & your ability to live a happy productive life or she  simply has no life of her own.

Are you going to be her baby forever? Are you going to grow up & stand up for yourself & your Fiancee? Make your decision Is he worthless or does she need to but out? You already know the answer. you cant have it both ways. either grow up & make your own decisions or let him go so he can find a grown woman!  

Answer 2

Some times all you can do is make it clear to family members that they need to respect your choice and respect your fiance or they will no longer be a part of your life.

Answer 3

Make your choice.  Either you give him up for your mother (which is a sick idea), or you tell your family that you have a life to live and you intend to live it with him.  That, my dear, is the very bottom line.  

Answer 4

I can completely understand where you are coming from. My wife and I are experiencing a similar situation with my mother.

This is just one of those things that only time will fix. The best advice I can give you is to be persistent. Dont give in just to fix things with Mom...because things wont be fixed.

Trust your fiance' and if your Mom can't deal with the facts, then that is HER problem. If your family wont talk to you, yeah it hurts, but time is the only thing that will fix this.

If you really love him as much as you say you do, then you should be confident in your choice to marry him and not let anyone or anything stop you from that.

Answer 5

that's pretty crazy. why does your mother make up lies about your fiancé? has she been known to make up lies in the past in regards to other people or issues she has a problem with?

i think if you want to have your family involved and welcoming of your marriage to this guy, things need to be cleared up. has the rest of your family met him? have they been able to spend time talking to him and getting to know him? what about his family?

you may just have to put your foot down when it comes to your mom. it's hard to say because i obviously don't see the situation first hand. if she continues to build a wall between you and the rest of your family, she may not get to know future grandchildren and all sorts of things.

Answer 6

Wow, i'm not sure but talk to your mother about it and maybe see if she tells the stories while he's in the room, b/c maybe she'll own up to her lies b/c she'll be saying them infront or him... hope this helps and congrats on the engagment!