Fiance at bar right now - ex gf (of 1.5 years) is there too...???

Question

FIrst off I know this is in the wrong section - but I dont feel as if it fits in with the "Does he like me?" Singles and Dating section..lol.. and were neither married nor divorcing so I couldnt put it there either. =)

You girls are much more mature..

Ok.. two friends called and asked if he wanted to go have some beers. First my fiance said no, that he was too tired - which he really was. Then I said, you know if you want to go just go, I dont mind...You dont get to see your friends much anyway. So he went, no big deal. Well.. then he texted me and said "Guess who is here?" Well, I come to find out that his ex gf of over a year and a half (his first love of all girlfriends) is there with him.. at the bar and their table. To my knowledge as far as he knows - he had no clue she was going to be there... but then again, I wasnt on the phone talking with his friends as to who was there either. I am over 5 months pregnant and we are to be married very soon, we have been engaged since November. I dont know if its my hormones but I am a little irritated right now with all of this. If this was me, and my ex - first love of all ppl - was at a restuarant with me and only a couple of other ppl, I would leave. I would respect the fact that I had a pregnant fiance at home and take myself out of that situation and ask myself "Are her feelings going to be hurt? How would I feel?" This was the first girl he genuwinely cared about and if its worth anything she lost her virginity to him when they were about 17. Which yeah, is about 7 years ago but still, I still hold a big significance in who I lost my virginity too and it would always be awkward. He still has a pic of her in his dresser. He has not tried to hide it from me, I have made it very clear that I know its there and I really dont care that it is.

He called me and said its ok, dont worry about her being here, etc. But I tried very hard to refrain from saying.. "If I was in your spot right now I would be leaving bc I would respect the fact that you are at home, and the reason why you didnt come out with me is bc you are pregnant and dont want to be around all of the second hand smoke."

I am very irritated right now and a tiny bit upset...

How would you feel?

Answer 1

I would feel the same way. And yes, I think a lot of it is your hormones. :) And there is nothing wrong with that (I'm pregnant with my 3rd and everything my husband does irritates me lol)

Your fiance loves you. He didn't want to go at first, remember? Then you encouraged him to go be with his friends. So what if she's there, he didn't go there to see her. Even if he did, it was probably just out of idle curiosity, and sure there will always be that connection, and just like you said, it IS weird, so that is all the more reason he will probably chat it up with all the buddies, and her too, and then forget about it.

As long as he's not purposely trying to see her, then it will all be fine. Actually you said something that made me think...I still have my old scrap book with like 3 pages of me and my ex in it....wonder if that bothers my hubby?  hmmmmm funny you said that. It's just about memories and being young. If he's not trying to hide it from you I wouldn't worry. But I would ask him to get rid of it. lol Guess that makes me a hypocrite.

The fact that he text you and told you shows that he is upfront and honest about it. Don't worry. Unless he starts wanting to see her as "friends" again. lol Then I would put my foot down. ;)

Enjoy your baby and upcoming wedding. It's all so worth it. You'll love being married (well, not all the time lol) and you'll love being a mom. :)

Answer 2

I understand what you're saying and i would feel the same way.

But as life goes on, there are bad days, and good days. You have to trust your Fiance and take your mind off his ex.

I dont know what else i should say but just trust him and yourself that everything will be OK.

Answer 3

I know it is irritation to know that his ex is there.  Just know that your hormones are raging and that contributes to your anxiety...however, the fact that he told you that she is there says a lot about your fiance.  He is not hiding anything from you about the situation so I would say its safe to say that things are OK.  I know it is frusterating bc I was in the same situation.  I was 9 months preggers and my bf's ex wife was at the bar w/ his friends.  But he told me about it.  That made me feel more trusting of him knowing that he wasnt hiding anything.  Dont worry honey.  Sounds like you have a good man there:)

Answer 4

P****D off.  Right there with you.  But I wouldn't be setting there. I would get my self together so to speak,  Quickly...and I would certainly show up. Good and pregnant and I would walk up to him and say something like, Honey you forgot to kiss the baby Goodnight!  I would then pull up my shirt so he could then kiss our BABY.I would then reach down and put a lip lock on him like he had not seen since you made that baby together and then  I would smile at everyone, turn around and walk out the door.  

Answer 5

Do you trust him? Has he ever betrayed you? If not, it sounds innocent to me...don't even be mad when he gets home. You'll just confuse the poor guy.

Answer 6

I can understand your feelings. While my fiance' was never intimate with any of his exes, I would feel uncomfortable with his first love appearing out of nowhere to share a meal with him. I would trust him, but wonder why in the heck she was edging back into the picture. I would advise you to do the same, if it weren't for that picture. If he was over her, he wouldn't have it there. My fiance' hadn't cleaned out his night stand in ages when we had only been dating a few months. I was helping him go through some things, and we came across a highschool love note he had written to a girl (never delivered it =) and a few pictures of exes--including his first love. He burned it all. I would have a serious talk with your fiance', and tell him while the picture's existence doesn't bother you, you would like to know his reasons for having it there. You are going to be his wife, you are having his child, you deserve to know your investment of time and love has been worth it. Good luck! If you ever need anything let me know.

P.S. I know what you mean about the Singles & Dating section...It's turned into a Jr. High, haha.

Answer 7

I just recently had dinner with an ex boyfriend after about two years of not speaking, my fiance was fine with this. We are adults and my fiance knows I love him and care for him deeply. I would never hurt him.

You need to have faith in your fiance.

Unless he has cheated on you I think your feelings are a little unjust.  

Answer 8

I think that I would be a little irritated that he is still there with her. If they are just in the same bar and he is hanging out with his friends only, that's one thing - but I don't know if I would be to happy about them all hanging out together.

However - he didn't try to hide the fact that she was there. He actually told you about it, which is a good thing. So, he probably thinks it is all very innocent.

When he gets home you should tell him how you feel; you don't have to get angry, but you could tell him how it makes you feel. I think once you get it off your chest you will feel better - but he didn't hide it from you, so I think that's a good sign.

Don't worry - he is coming home to you.   =)

Answer 9

i wouldn't even worry about it... he told you about it... if he had something to hide he wouldn't of even mentioned her being htere... if you flip out on him over nothin then next time he won't even tell you... you have nothing to be worried about...  people can break up and still be civil towards each other and not be hooking up

Answer 10

He chose you. Repeat that over and over again. He chose you. He is having a baby with you. He is marrying you. he could have done those things with her, but he didn't. He chose you.

He'll be home shortly. When he gets there, remind him why he made a great choice.

Good luck!

Answer 11

I just told my husband about this, and I was laughing and said, "I'd totally go down to the bar and plop myself at your table."

He laughed and said, "I know you would. You'd waddle your pregnant butt on over, and I'd like it!"

(Although I read the person's response above me, and I certainly would not go THAT far or make a big spectacle of it!)

That's what would work for us.

Sorry you're irritated.

Answer 12

he(ur fiance) is at a different point in his life. It's not appropriate for him to be chatting with this woman, a quick hi and bye is ok. what happened in the past happened but he is with you now and he needs to respect you.Time for him to move on..........besides what could they possibly be talking about(Nothing relevant to what's going on now)

Answer 13

Oh hon...I know a bit about what youre going through... I would feel the same exact way.... You know I dont think you're over-reacting or anything.... Even if I'm not pregnant there would be no way my husband would be out drinking beers with his first true love. It might sound a bit insecure or whatever but I just dont think that needs to happen. He really should respect the fact that you don't want him out drinking with his ex while you're home alone. Congrats & Good Luck. It will all work out just fine. Keep your head up.

Answer 14

You must have trust and faith in your fiance. I understand why you are annoyed but just relax. If he screws up on you there are plenty of people out there that will treat you better.

Answer 15

I think you are justified in feeling the way you do.  I honestly dont think he knew she would be there or else I dont see why he would text or phone to tell you that, but I do agree he should have left.  it has nothing to do with trust, its out of respect for your fiance.  I know my husband wouldnt ever dream of cheating on me with an ex, but there is no reason to be drinking it up and chatting it up at a bar either.  I also think this picture in his dresses is a bit odd too.  I mean I have old pictures of ex's I keep (like prom and such that I cant just throw out) but they are away in storage, not in my dresser when I can sneak a glimps if I so choose.  I think you need to have a good talking to him.