Fiance is cheating on me but won't admit it.? ?

Question

I have been with my fiance for 4 years and he has been cheating on me the whole time. However, he won't admit it. I usually find out about his infidelities through places like myspace, where I am emailed information on another woman from some anonymous person. I end up contacting the woman and they admit that they were seeing my fiance but was told that he wasn't in a relationship. This scenario happened more than once. I have found out about 4 different times where he has been unfaithful. Every time he has denied it with the exception of the first time and he admitted that he was wrong for his actions but he wouldn't fess up to everything. Once I finally contact the women they give me details about their affairs but my fiance denies everything and says the women are crazy and lying. And he always seems to come up with an excuse or reason for everything. One woman even offered to meet me and show me the evidence but I rejected it. (I guess I didn't want to face the facts) I also discovered that he had been traveling out of town to see one of the women. I was even forwarded some email exchanges from one of the women with incriminating evidence. He claimed that the emails were altered and that he didn't write her. Deep down inside I know that he has been cheating on me, although he denies it. It;s one thing to cheat...but it's another thing to constantly deny it. I know I have played the fool big time...and am ready to move on. I do love him very much. He says he loves me and doesn't want to be with anyone else...but his actions speak differently. We live together and have established a lot together so I know it will be difficult to move on. I just need advice on how to build the strength to leave. I don't understand why he is doing this, but wants to stay with me. I don't understand why he won't admit his infidelities. Even after obviously being caught. He always has an excuse for everything that comes up. And then he gets hostile when I question him. He also says that I am letting these women come between us. He always turns the tables on me when something happens and makes it seem as if I am in the wrong. And I end up giving in like a dummy. I have changed so much for him, like my hair..my dress..I cook and clean, and everything. But he always finds something wrong. He is a nice person and we have a great relationship outside of the other stuff, that's why its so hard to just leave. He also says that I'm never going to find a perfect man and anyone that I get with will have faults. I I really need a voice of reason. BTW...the cheating began before we got engaged. I also found out he cheated on me the day he proposed. Remember...this is all heresay from the other women. So it's his word against theirs.

Answer 1

eventually u will have to deal with it, and a man who cheats may eventually tire of u and leave u high and dry.if he is always finding fault, what chance do u think u will have at a happy marriage. move on now before your stuck in a marriage and have kids.your in denial and love him and think its going to go away but it just gets worse.

Answer 2

Leave him.  It'll only get worse.  He doesn't respect you and you can do better.  

No one deserves to be taken advantage of and while it may be scary to think of leaving, in the long run, it'll be better for you.  

If he respected the commitment that both of you are about to undertake - marriage, he wouldn't be cheating.  

Trust me.  You can do better.

Answer 3

I think if he was really into YOU and your relationship there wouldn't be any other women. Lifes too short for games like these so unless you want to marry into this type of mayhem I would leave him and find someone else to share your life with.  

Answer 4

If this is the case, even if he won't admit it - you still KNOW the truth. WHY is he still your fiance' pray tell?  Do you have a sick need to be abused, used or mistreated or something?  I don't care how much you want to justify this relationship or excusing his behavior because you claim LOVE is involved here but this man WILL NOT BE stopping his cheating ways whether you are married or not. SO WHY are you sticking around for a life time of heartache and heartbreak and betrayal and self esteem crushing?  I don't get this mentality at all?  You've put up with it THIS long and this often - so either get over it or toss his sorry behind out the door once and for all and realize that NO ONE deserves to be cheated on - EVER!  You serious want to marry someone that you can't trust? YOU seriously want to bring children into such an unhealthy relationship and sick dynamic?  I think you need to think long and hard on this and seek some professional counseling to help you understand WHY you would accept this and think it is ok?  

Answer 5

If you know, why would you want him to admit it?  

Leave, hon.  but since you are still there, you must like being the door mat.

But, uuuuh, don't marry this guy.  He won't change.  And unless you get some counseling, you won't either....

I guess when you start feeling good about who you are and what you deserve, you'll leave and find somene worthy of your trust, affection, admiration and respect, because you have none of these for him, and for sure he has none of them for you...

But at least you take a guy like that outa circulation.... sorta.

Why does he stay with you??? Ah, let me count the ways:

1.  You allow it

2.  You are his "jerk in reserve".

3.  He can have "play time", and you are always there.

4.  He knows you are too stupid to leave.

5.  He always has a place to put his p***s.

6.  He can treat you like dirt, and you are always there.... just like the beaten dog.... it always returns because it thinks it has no place better to go....

Do you need any more????

Answer 6

it's time to end the relationship.   if you aren't willing to end it all i can say is welcome to a lifetime of heartbreak and possible std's or half siblings to your future children.

Answer 7

Ever heard of paragraphs? Sorry but it's too much to read all jumbled together like that.

Answer 8

what i think is if it his work against there's you seem to be leaning towards there's so how much trust do you have? if you seem to make each other truly happy then surely all this paranoia wouldn't be around so i think it comes down to how happy you are and trust if you dont have either take the high ground and find yourself someone that appreciates you for you!

Answer 9

My ex did that too so I told him I saw him with his girlfriend and he said "I was going to tell you" I said "You are so stupid. I nevr saw you with anyone I said it to make you tell the truth" Then I took the kids and filed for divorce!!! That was 6 year ago, the best thinkgI ever did. Oh him and the girl lasted only a few months they couldnt trust eachother,..Gee I wonder why!!!

Answer 10

You need to pack your things and go. It's probably okay that he cheated the first time, maybe even the second time, but from so many women? That's just not acceptable. And he's wrong when he said you'll never find a perfect man, because all others that you will find, are more perfect than he is.

Answer 11

You said it yourself, you don't want to face the truth.  You would rather sit around believing his lies until one day something terrible happens to you.  You learn to accept the truth and the fact that he will not admit to what he's doing.  You need to leave him unless this is how you want the rest of your life to be.  

Answer 12

i hate to tell u this but he is a sociopath! Google that! They have certain signs that the sociopaths give out! Your husband or bf sounds just like one to. U need to get rid of him. Sociopaths all they do is lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, and all they think about themselves and blame everyone else for there problems or like he is blaming u.  

Answer 13

look, i know you want him to admit it, but he never will.  he will continue to do this and if you marry him you will never be happy, this will be your life.  feeling unloved and miserable all the time.  also, i noticed you wrote he is a "nice guy"  no he isn't, he is a bad guy, what kind of person does this to the person he loves?  he does not love you, he does not care enough about you to stop seeing other people.  this will never never stop, leave him as soon as you can.  get support from family and friends and do what you need to do, but please get rid of him, don't let him break you down more than he already has.  that is what he is doing, he is breaking you.  this person that is a doormat and allows herself to be taken advantage of repeatedly isn't the real you, is it?

Answer 14

Cheaters are the masters of excuses . They are also very good at turning the tables on you to make it look as if though it is your fault . Doing this takes the attention off of them .

If I were you I would try and get back in touch with the woman or women that say that they have the proof of the affair . Get together any and all information that is proof of him cheating then show it to him .

After showing him the proof and he starts to say that it was altered or that these women are just trying to come between the two of you , stop him in his tracks and tell him that you no longer want to hear it . That you have played the fool for 4 years too long and you are finally tired of it .

You really need to ask yourself why it is that you are still with him knowing what you know .

Then ask yourself if you think that is fair to you and if you feel that you deserve to be treated like this .

The answer should be no . No one deserves to live like this . No one !!

You should also ask yourself what if one day he comes home with an STD and gives it to you .

You said that he has told you that he loves you and doesn't want to be with any one else .

Not only is he a cheat but he is also a liar . If he loved you he wouldn't cheat . And he obviously doesn't just want to be with you he wants to be with you and who ever else he can find .

And you should never ever change for any one but yourself !  If they can't except you for who you are then they are not worth being with in the first place .

He has caused your self esteem to bottom out . Do not allow him to destroy you any further .

I really believe that you know what you need to do and I also believe that deep down inside you have the courage to leave , you just need reassurance .

I will be the first to tell you that you can leave and after leaving you will be asking yourself what took you so long .

I give your fiance credit for one thing . He was right in saying that there is no such thing as a perfect man that they all have faults .

That's not just true about men but also women .

If we were all perfect this would be a very boring world .

But because we have faults doesn't mean we are all cheaters and liars .

And please do not think that once you are married he will change .

It will not happen . Trust me .

Right now you are able to just walk away . After you are married it becomes more difficult . Don't wait any longer . Do what you know you have to do . Leave !

Yes it is hard especially when you love some one but some times we all have to do things we don't really want to do . We have to do these things that we don't want to do because we know that it is in our best interest to do it . And right now it is in your best interest to leave and not look back .

Find some one that loves and cares for you . Some one that will not cheat on you . Some one that is not looking to add to their trophy collection .

And yes , he will always be like this . Once a cheater alwaya a cheater .

I wish you all of the best .

Take care and best of luck .

Now leave !

Answer 15

Sorry to say but he won't change. very unlikely is going to say, OK, I am done with the cheating because I am know content and fulfilled with you. Sorry to be so harsh but do you want a good cup of coffee because you need to wake up !

Is your self esteem that low to want to have a man like that in your life. Even more a husband ?

Once a cheater always a cheater.