Fiance wants to adopt....?

Question

I have been divorced for a little while and I'm engadged. I have 2 daughters from the first marriage a 2 month old (we divorced while I was pregnat with her) and a 20 (almost 21) month old. My ex gets to see our daughters once a week but he doesn't want those rights. (He doesn't love the kids at all. He told me.)

My fiance wants to adopt my two daughters so we can be one big family (Me, my daughters, him and his 5 kids). My 20 month old really loves my fiance and my 2 month old is always happy around him. I would love for him to adopt my kids.

Now, do we have to consult my ex about this even if he doesn't want custody over them?I know where he is. We both have never done this before and we want to do this as leagally as possible. My ex's name is on both of their birth certifacates (he's on my 2 month old's because the divorce wasn't final until a week after she was born and he was there to help deliver and he's the birth father). Any help would be appreciated.

Answer 1

Your fiance does not have to adopt the children in order to be their "Daddy".  If they view him as Daddy, that is who he will be.

If you ex husband is visiting them then I have to believe he has feelings for them otherwise he would not exercise his parental rights and visit.

If their biological father wants to continue a relationship with the children then they will be twice blessed with two fathers.  They will only benefit from having both father figures in their life provided there is no element of abuse.

Adoption would require the biological father to voluntarily give up his parental rights and I doubt he would do that because he does have a relationship with his children.  A court could terminate his rights but that would require you to prove that he is an unfit parent.  Just because he does not have the same level of relationship that your fiance has with your children does not make him an unfit parent.

Really, two fathers is a benefit for your children.  If you take steps to terminate his rights against his will the children may resent you as they grow older and learn about the circumstances surrounding that termination.  Additionally, their bio father may not be a great dad now but he will likely grow, mature and get closer to them.

I encourage you to consider the benefits of your children have as many people in their life as possible to love and nurture them.  Again, your fiance can be "Daddy" as well as their other Dad.

Answer 2

that's terrible that he doesn't care :( why did he have kids then?

Answer 3

Is there any reason why your fiancé cannot be a 2nd father to your children without legally adopting them?  If he is good to them, cares for them, loves them, why the need to adopt?  Your children will love him just the same, but they already have a father.  

As an adult adoptee, I resent my identity having been changed.  Why couldn't my adoptive parents be good to me, care for me and love me without changing my identity?  

There seems to be an unspoken message that changing one's identity makes the people attached to the original identity somehow bad.  Surely you don't want your children to think badly of their father despite his actions.  He may change, and he IS their father no matter what - they are half him.

I have a stepdaughter.  I came into her life when she was 4 years old.  Despite her mother's behavior, I never dreamed of adopting this little girl - she already had a mother.  I was good to her, cared for her, and loved her.  I NEVER asked her to call me "mother" or "mom" and to this day (she is 27 now) she is grateful that I never tried to replace her mother.

Answer 4

Why would he love them more because they have his last name?

The only way for him to legally adopt them would be for their biofather to sign away his rights. If he doesn’t even care about them the only reason I can think that he wouldn’t sign his rights away would be to spite you.  From what you say this man isn’t even being a father to this girls. Which is sad they deserve a man who will be and wants to be their daddy. Your future husband fits that bill.  Like they say any man can father a child but it takes a true man to be a daddy.

Best of Luck.

Answer 5

Well he'll more than likely have to agree to it. (the ex)  Consult a lawyer.

Answer 6

It sounds like it will be easy to get the consents from your ex.  Just consult an adoption attorney to have the paperwork drawn up.  He will be asked to sign away his rights (and along with the rights, the responsibility for child support) as the children's father.

As bad as it may sound, you should consider yourself relatively lucky.  Many women have a relationship where the birth father will make it difficult for the birth mom to be happy.

Answer 7

first, in most, if not all states, you and fiancee must get married and be married for a year or two. then, stepparent adoption is relatively easy.  But you do need your ex to allow his parental rights to be terminated.  A lawyer would be your best move.

Answer 8

Sorry to hear about that you should do whatever you can so he can adopt.

Answer 9

Your ex has to sign away his parental rights even if he doesn't want them.  You need to consult a lawyer  in your area and start the process and paperwork.  If you know anyone that has adopted their step-children contact them and ask who their lawyer was and contact them.

Answer 10

Because you know where he is you will have to get his permission if you did not know where he was all you would have to do is have your attorney post a note in the newspaper for a certain amount of time and then if he did not respond then your new husband could adopt.  However, if your ex, ever said he was not notified and that you did know how to contact him he could fight the adoption but would be responsible for all past child support.  I would suggest that you just get his permission and you and your new man get on raising your family!