Fiance won't help :(?

Question

Our wedding is in 3 1/2 months. We've had a pretty relaxed engagement so far and haven't fought about much, but I'm started to get irritated...

I told my fiance a few months back to have a DJ chosen no later than August. It is just a few days until August and he has hardly looked. When I talk to him while he has the day off or has hours until work, he is always playing a computer game or doing something else.

I really haven't asked much of him in terms of help, so it is frustrating that the one task I gave him just isn't getting done.

I'm sick and tired of feeling like a nag for wanting him to follow through! HELP! How do I get him to help me out?

Answer 1

Tell him you are picking the lamest DJ around, since he hasn't picked one. If he is ok with that, then go for it. Or, skip the DJ and get a sound system and your iPod and save a TON of money.

Let it go. It's not worth it. If it is August 1st and still no results do it yourself.

Answer 2

Welcome to wedding planning and being engaged.  just about every guy does this.  you are not alone.  

the best way is to do it yourself with help of fmaily and friends and just get his imput before making final choices.  

ask waht he wants to do and tell him when it needs to be done, but give extra time incase you may need to finish up!

Answer 3

I would nudge him in the right direction and then maybe plan something on the side just in case he doesn't wind up doing it. Maybe he is looking, he's just not doing in front of you. The only other thing I can think is that maybe he really didn't want to do this planning part you 'assigned' to him, as in your question you said "I told my fiance ... to have a DJ chosen..." By this, maybe he decided he would wait until you got irritated and then you would do it yourself?

Answer 4

Pull the plug on the video games, that is hardly important.

Also, nagging is necesary sometimes. The sooner you accept that, the better ;)

Answer 5

Relax and take a look at your future.  Men are not usually very interesed it all the planning and fuss that goes into putting on a wedding.  Stop harassing him becasue if he is not into it on his own he is not gonna be very much help anyway.  Go ahead and tell him when you have these appointments but you go on your own or with your mom or girlfriends and you pick out what you like and let that be that.  He is gonna just nod and go with what you say anyway.  Men don't really care what color the napkins are and they don't care about what flowers  go where.  Be happy that he gets his tux and shows up on time at the church.  Save both of you a lot of drama and just go do it yourself.  He will love you for it.

Answer 6

My fiance' is a gamer of sorts, but he is actively involved in our relationship and wedding planning. There are times when he balks at certain aspects of the planning, but he has been nothing but supportive. I would seriously reconsider marrying someone I couldn't count on to plan a wedding. What about the serious issues that arise in every life? You need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him about this.

Answer 7

my hubby was the same way. i'd be looking up info about wedding and he'd be on his computer playing video games. i didn't want to just nag and nag and nag all the time, so i basically ended up letting him off the hook and planning it myself. i let my mom and his mom help since they offered. i'd run everything by my hubby and he'd say "that's fine".

Answer 8

If you two can't negotiate your differences so as to actually get necessary things done, then how are you going to manage to run a home together? Sorry, but if he has agreed to perform some task in a timely manner and his own strength of character isn't sufficient to cause him to honor that agreement, then there is no "magic" that will serve as substitute. The rest of your life will consist of either (1) constantly nagging (2) bearing the inconvenience of living with tasks left undone (3) performing your own tasks plus a goodly proportion of his own, so that his leisure time is significantly greater than your own. Do think a wedding ring is going to work some sort of wondrous transformation?

Answer 9

This is typical of most grooms.  They procrastinate and procrastinate.  Which is why you should take over the planning and just make sure he shows up on time for the wedding lol!  If you have not planned the honeymoon, maybe make him do that.

You really need to find a DJ ASAP!  Most book up within 6mos to a year before the wedding so you are behind and will be lucky if you can find one that is free!

If you are sick of waiting for him, then do it yourself and let him know he can't complain about anything because he didn't do anything to help plan!

Good luck!

Answer 10

Instead of nagging him - why not call and schedule an appt with the DJ yourself and then have your fiance go with you.  

I am getting married in 2 months and my fiance hasn't really helped with any of the large stuff, but with a little coaxing, I have been able to get him to help me with some of the minor details (decorations).  Generally, I get a few samples together and I let him help pick what we are going with.

Answer 11

My FH hasnt really helped alot but looking at it from a different stand point, I understand why, the STRESS put into planning a wedding is different from guys and girls. I didnt expect my FH to help, I figured he would sit on his PC and play his games and thats excatly what he has done. Im not mad and he has been supportive of my choices. I do run everything by him first before I go and buy something or book something. He aslo knows though, that Im a "tight wad" so to speak and Im not gonna go out and blow a ton of money on decorations or favors or any other item that is not a needed item. Maybe you should sit down and have aheart to heart and let him know how you are feeling while doing so calmly let him know that you would greatly appreciate his help. Maybe he is afraid to let you know that he would rather you do it because he trust you and is afraid that whomeve rhe picks you wont care to much for. Hope I helped.

Answer 12

haha I hear ya! My Finacee is the same way and is all up on the d**n xbox 360 playing the lamest games ever made.. Halo. Gears of War and what not! I'm not getting married until July 09' but still like to get **** done now so I won't be running around with my d**n head cut off like a chicken. Just do it yourself and just tell him you have it done and tell him the price.

With the other girls are right too.. The groom usually doesn't like helping so just let it be and make sure you have what you want for you special day. Best of Luck and Congrats

Answer 13

Maybe he isn't interested in the kind of wedding you are?  Have you both discussed and agreed on exactly how you want it to be, and what is most comfortable for both of you?  On the flip side, if he can't be bothered doing this simple thing because he loves you and because it's something that's important to you, how else will he let you down?  Don't waste a dime on this marriage unless you really feel he's the perfect man.  Divorce sucks.  You can stay engaged a little longer if you need to think about it.