Fiancee and mother at each others throats????

Question

i don't really understand where all the animosity between them started from as they used to get along really well. but the past year has seen them go from friends to absolutely hating one another.

my mum has threatened not to come to the wedding, she hit my fiancee over the head with a rolling pin, tried to kick my lady out of my brothers birthday, gone to my mother in laws house and tried to get violent with her, called my father in law in australia and told him my MIL was whoring around, told one of my lady's bridesmaids she couldn't be a bridesmaid, tried to change my lady's dress design, last week she called our reception venue and tried to cancel our booking, so many bloody things i can't remember them all.

my lady love, she tries to keep it all from me but my brothers have filled me in on everything. i've asked her to tell me about it and she tells me not to worry my mum is just letting her know she loves me. she keeps brushing it off as if nothing is wrong, she's told me that it doesn't matter what my mum does because at the end of the day she's marrying me not my mum. i know my lady, she has a short temper and all this stuff that has been going on is just building up. she will snap soon.

i hate to admit it but i blame my mum, i know when my lady gets angry she can say some terrible things but she has to be provoked before she does. my mum has always had a nasty streak in her and when it comes out she doesn't care who it's aimed at.

my lady love and i get married in november. i've asked my lady if she wants my mum at the wedding and she says of course she does but i know she's just saying that for me. my lady is the most important person in my life, she's the other half of my soul. my mum is my mum. i love her to death. but it's getting to the point where i feel i have to choose between them. if i do, i won't be choosing my mum.

someone please help me.

Answer 1

Really, it sounds like your mother has committed assault against your fiancee and possibly against your future mother-in-law. No matter what your fiancee says, this is serious, and is very hurtful to her and her family.  The problem is that if your mother is acting this way before you're married, it's unlikely that she'll stop afterward. Firstly, you need to have a serious talk with your girlfriend about why she's taking the abuse. It isn't right and proper for any woman to take this kind of abuse. Most women would be incensed, not dismissive. After you talk to your fiancee, try and enlist other members of your own family to try and talk with your mother. If she has as much of a nasty streak as you claim, it might be best to have the family on your side

Answer 2

Your future is with a wife. not mommy dearest. tell mama that if even one more thing comes out of her mouth against either of you, she is uninvited to the wedding and for ever. Tell mama that she will not life a finger to harm you or fiancee, not call anyone to badmouth either of you, not try to cancel a wedding or any part of it. tell her she will be sitting far from them, very far at the reception., etc. If she gets drunk and acts out, it will be considered a violation against you and fiance and forever banned from your lives.

I'd bering mama to an adult psychiatric outpatient clinic for emotional and behavioral testing paid for by mama. She sounds very m,en tally ill.

Answer 3

Good on you for sticking up for your future bride.

Just set some boundaries with mum, before she ruins things between you and your fiance.

Sounds like you have a keeper!

IT has been said that the guys mum always is the one to get involved and turn out to be a bit more possessive. They feel left out, as naturally the girl is closer with her own mum and tells her everything. (why men lie and women cry - great book and it also explains it).

Good luck with the up coming wedding. Just remember to keep your bride to be happy.

Answer 4

Wow your lady is taking this well violence is unacceptable from anybody even an older lady. You are right to stick by your future wife. I suspect your mother feels she is losing you to your new women and is acting very badly indeed to the point where she is going to cut herself out the picture if she is not careful. What to do: 1 Tell your wife your on her side and if it continues you will give your mother a wide birth to cool off. 2. Tell your Mum, Mum I love you you will always be my mother but I am in love and getting married please be happy for me and share in my joy and perhaps the future joy of granchildren. Also tell her Mum I will not tolerate violence towards my lady and I will lose contact with you if thats what it takes to protect my future wife and children. 3. Be prepared for your wife to snap over this eventually and when she does support her 100% listen, hold her, be her support let her vent and get it out, tell her you will do whatever it takes to protect her and make her happy.

Answer 5

Wow! I thought I'd seen it all when my daughter's future mother-in-law started pulling some of her stunts but your mom makes the one I know look like an amateur. Your lady love is right in that your mom IS doing this out of her love for you - a little twisted, I know, but it is because she loves you & is afraid of losing you. I went through this with my husband's mom more than 35 years ago when we got married. Some mothers just can't bear the thought of sharing their sons with another woman or worse, losing him to her. What these moms don't understand is that is exactly what might happen if they keep up this horrid behavior. You need to have a long talk with your mom. Let her know that you will always love her & will be there for her as often as you can. (Don't say always be there because she WILL find a million ways to get your attention even after the wedding - personal experience!) Also let her know that it is unacceptable for her to treat your fiancee as she has.She has to know that you love her, you love your fiancee, and if push comes to shove, your fiancee is your future! If mom wants to be part of that future she has to step up & treat your fiancee better. Be patient but firm with your mom & give your fiancee lots of extra hugs & kisses for her understanding & patience. She must love you a lot!

Answer 6

Most mothers of sons are a bit possessive & son's wives are too. It's not good, but it is like that. Your future is with your wife. You are so right is sticking  with your woman. Your Mum is behaving very badly. Someone should make it clear to her it's YOUR wedding, not hers. She has no place arranging anything, unless you ask. Good luck with your wedding.

Answer 7

sorry to hear your mums been such a you-know-what, but it sounds like you really lucked out in the lady-love department.  you lady sounds like a level headed wonder, she is taking this in stride and not laying all of it on you.  but mum needs to back off.  maybe she is giving into the age-old myth that mother-in-law equals trouble,and she feels she must control everything.  I say your lady has the right idea...if she really is ok with dealing with your mum in her own patient way, let her.  she has to establish her own relationship with your mum.  and I like the way she's doing it...patiently letting mum vent, but not allowing her to control.  this patience may win mum over better than a confrontation.

Answer 8

My dear i can see a numerous problem in your life. Today took a Strong decision and get rid of any one. It is useless to try to be a bridge between the two. You shall ,be tear off but nobody will give any weight-age to you. But before taking any decision must calculate what are your responsibilities towards your mother and which one of two is more sensible.