Fiancee was commited to hospital... Family problems... Please help!?

Question

My family found out that my fiancee is schizophrenic and now they want me to get away from him because they think he is a horrible person now. But he's not, he's a perfectly normal person when he's on his meds. And he rarely goes off his meds (its only happened 2 times in a year and a half, and thts because he ran out) The first time he didn't get sick(we got his meds soon after he ran out) but the second time he got really sick and has been admitted (yesterday) now my family says I should get away from him because he could kill me (even tho he's never been violent towards me once) and that he's a threat to the dog (eventho he cuddles the dog every night) and that he's lazy and not a good person to be around. How to I politely tell them its my choice and I choose not to walk away when my fiancee needs me most?

Answer 1

don't mean to be harse to your family but that is disgusting they shouldn't single anyone out or anything like that because they have a mental illness .they need to learn more about mental illnesses to understand which i think they should do.

And to be honest don't listen to what your family say to you, because by the end of the day you know your fiancee and what he is like, so just go with what you feel is best which is supporting your fiancee.

Answer 2

First of all, I am sorry about your fiancee being in the hospital. That alone is stressful, plus all the family drama you've got to go with it doesn't help.

Marriage is all about two people coming together and becoming one. I have been married for 5 years. I haven't gone through what you have, but we,too, have experienced our share of nay-sayers. We have experienced ups and downs, and I can tell you we have grown closer in spite of the bad times.

What I am challenging you to do is, in spite of your family freaking out about this and that ( stuff that isn't even true, and you know it), allow yourself to become one with your husband. It takes a lifetime, but if you both are committed to that love, it will be beautiful. Before you know it, you can't even hear them ( the nay-sayers) anymore.

Now, having said that, I do think your family loves you a great deal to have concerns. Show them you appreciate their concern, but you don't really find any merit in it. After all, you've been together for sometime, and truly do love this man. The best they can do for you is just be there for you. Just let them know.

You have a high calling to help your husband with this schizophrenia and making sure he does take his meds. I think you'll do ok, especially since it is obviously something you have already taken time to consider and decide it is what you want to do.

Blessings to you, and I hope your fiancee gets better soon.

Answer 3

I suggest asking them to do a search on mental illnesses on the net, perhaps recommend some sites yourself or give them some brochures (I snagged some on understanding depression last time I was at a medical centre).  

Also remember there are all kinds of support groups out there for those with mental illnesses and their family, don't be afraid to use these, they might have some ideas as well and there will certainly have been others in similar positions (unfortunately there is a lot of stigma attached to mental illnesses, mainly due to unrealistic portrayal by the media).  1 in 5 people will suffer from some kind of mental illness in their lives, it is NOT unusual or something to be ashamed of!  (Its interesting to note that many famous people over the years have been diagnosed with mental illnesses, Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill both suffered from mental illnesses!)

Perhaps you could even suggest they see a counsellor of some sort themselves, if they're worried.  Maybe let them know that you understand that they care and they worry, but ultimately this is your choice and they should make sure they know what they're talking about before saying anything more.  They need to see your fiance like you do, not as a schizophrenic, but as a person with schizophrenia.  He is much more than just a mental illness they probably see in some stereotypical way that just isn't right!  Hopefully educating them will help them understand and take away the fear of the unknown (a trait that seems very common in the human race).

On another note, medications are important and while I know from experience that it can be very hard to remember to fill prescriptions on time, its important to make every effort to remember.  Maybe fill them early, or maybe you could make a note in your diary or something to remind your fiance or fill the prescription yourself?  (I need to take my own advice here lol)

I hope this helps.

Jacci (a person suffering from clinical depression).

Answer 4

I responded to your other post. I also have anxiety and depression, along with bulimia for 20+ years and I just sought help 7 years ago and didn't take my meds regularly and seriously until 3 years ago. Don't worry about your family's issue with mental disorders, there are so many people like that, including my mother, who is one of the top nurses at her hospital. Anyway, I also believe that people who don't understand mental disorders and who down upon people who seek help are the ones who greatly need psychiatric help, just on my personal experience. If you truly love your fiancee, stick it out with him and work with him through everything and make sure that you guys keep up with doctor's appointments and meds refills. It is scary but you would really get used to it and know the symptoms well enough the longer you stay with him. And be prepared to what you have to do. He is sick, but he is getting help and having you for support will greatly help his situation. Remember, at least he is getting medical help and you know what to expect unlike some of the crazy people out there who have hidden problems and disorders and aren't getting any medical help. They are more dangerous, in my opinion.

Answer 5

I commend you for sticking with your fiance...and you should. There's no reason you should have to walk away. As long as he is not threatening you then you belong together. Just sit your family down and explain to them what he means to you and that it's your life and you choose to live it with him. They should respect that. And I agree..it sounds like your family's the one that needs help.

Answer 6

i agree, they dont have any understanding on mental illness and arent being very open towards the subject. they cant make you leave your fiancee just because he has schizophrenia, totally out of order, and its nice to know that you are going to stand by him and not walk away =]

its not neccesary to get into arguments about it but your family need to know that what they are doing is wrong.

Answer 7

If you don't already have it, you should get a copy of "Surviving Schizophrenia: A Manual for Families, Patients, and Providers" by E. Fuller Torrey, Fifth Edition.  I know Barnes & Noble has it.  Amazon.com only has the 4th edition.  It is very good reading and tells a lot about schizophrenia, and how to relate to it and deal with it.



Best of Luck to you :-)

Paul.

Answer 8

Just remember to discuss with him when he's well what the terms are of your relationship.  For your safety and happiness he must do all that he can to stay well.  If he does this and circumstances beyond his control make him sick again then by all means stick with him, but be sure that you are safe.  Your family are only concerned for you.  I know a schizophrenic very well and he is a great guy.  Just goes off the rails every now and again, but when well which is most of the time he is great normal person.  Your family needs to be reminded that schizophrenia is an illness.  If it was asthma or diabetes they would not react this way.  They should not be discriminatory at all, but I guess they are concerned for your welfare, but only you know whether your fiancce is doing the right thing with his meds.  Perhaps family counselling would help.  Good luck and good on you for sticking by your guy when he needs you.  Just be sure you are safe while you do it.

Answer 9

Okay, here's the best idea, you need to sit your rents down, sit with them, in a quiet and undisturbing place and say, mum, dad, i know how you feel about my fiance' but he is not a bad person! he is very kind and he loves me and takes very good care of me, he does not hurt me or our house in any way,

If they do not understand, then take them out to dinner and invite him with you, so they can see for themselves how nice of a guy he is = ]

Best of luck